Sunday, March 31, 2019

The mental health crisis and "boys will be boys."

People say there's a current mental health crisis underway and if they think that but continue on doing what they are doing (or trying to implement seemingly helpful but actually destructive measures) it's only going to get worse. WAY worse. We've designed a square hole society and boys are the rounded pegs. "Boys will be boys" was reflective of a healthy understanding of the biological nature of males. But it's so heavily tied to "rape culture" and other such stuff now that the basic societal idea when it comes to boys is to "teach" them out of their biology. Which of course only serves to alienate and add to the mental health crisis that these same people are (ostensibly) so worried about.

I have a ten year old daughter and an eleven year old nephew and as far as the way they (and their friends/classmates) are treated/the messaging they receive/the expectations placed upon them/the opportunities they have they might as well be living in different worlds. The girls are flourishing and being supported at every turn while the boys seem lost and misunderstood.

It's fucking sad and the long term implications of this are frightening.

Saturday, March 2, 2019

A Random Night: Married vs Divorced

A random night when married: "Do you really have to play your drums again? You just played them last week!" "Ugh, fine, whatever. I'll be upstairs."


Fifteen minutes later: Basement door opens. Footsteps of doom coming down the stairs. "Are you going to be done soon? I'm trying to watch tv!"


Me: "I'm using the silencers I got there's no way it's that loud. We've already tested this."


"Ya but I can hear the tapping. It's annoying I'm trying to concentrate."


Me: "Use the headphones I bought you."


"Ugh, whatever."


Teenage girl esque storming back up the stairs.


I resume drumming. Having trouble concentrating now. Oh for fuck's sake. Head upstairs, drumming ruined now. What's she watching that's so important anyway? Oh wow some bullshit reality tv show. Surprise surprise.....


"What are you doing up here I thought you were playing drums?"


Me: "Can't concentrate anymore."


"You could have kept playing."


Me "......."


I'm gonna kill this bitch. Seriously, does she do this shit on purpose? (future me to past self: YES YOU DUMMY)


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Random night now: Silencers? What silencers? Que up song I am learning (Slayer- Angel of Death). Load YouTube tutorial video for that one part that I cannot figure out on my own. Roll joint. Smoke joint in basement like a man (going outside and hiding like a criminal is for the birds and the married blokes). Sit down on drum throne (aptly named since I am the King of this bitch). Hit play. Rock the FUCK out.


Three hours later: That was fun as fuck. Now what should I do?


Goes skating in the backyard ice rink I made for daughter and I. Practices stickhandling and does sprints under the moonlight. Is at utter peace.


And guys want to get married? WHY?

Saturday, February 16, 2019

I'm not MGTOW because I "hate women" and I'm not an incel. It's ALL about MINDSET/CLARITY

I had an easy lay up present itself to me after several years of voluntary celibacy following a period of "going monk mode." This was a pretty, younger woman recently divorced and looking for a good time with no strings (allegedly.....we know how that always turns out). We "connected" and it was a natural, easy dynamic. She left me her number and email address on her way out (she was a patient of mine and yes we can date patients and no I am not a doctor but am in medical).

That entire day at work my mind was on her. It was a constant struggle to focus on my work and that has *not* been the case at all since I *went mgtow* several years prior. Thinking about her, me, projecting into the future, thinking about sex, maybe we'll both get remarried, maybe we'll date for a while, maybe we'll be fwb's, body looks good but how is it actually under the clothes since she's a bit over 30, what about me I have old man balls now, do I want to start spending money on dates and do I want to start having to go through the whole "game playing" process again, oh fuck do I have to start maintaining a "wardrobe" again, do I- blah blah blah blah blah blah blah......

A few hours of this and it hit me: THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I STOPPED TO BEGIN WITH! It's fucking *all consuming*. Just a *whiff* and I was already mentally checked out of my mission and now focused on her her her.......I threw away the card she left me, did not go to the dad/daughter yoga thing she invited me to (she teaches yoga.....god that flexibility would have been fu- see, there it goes again!) and got back to doing 'me.'

Never again. I'm staying celibate for the rest of my life- it's the best thing I have ever done. I've never been better mentally or physically and I don't want to throw away all of this progress/potential. It might be mental failing on my part and if so, so be it but either way relationships/sex just don;t figure into my mission any more.