Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

If Online Dating Profiles Were Honest

If online dating profiles were totally accurate and 100% honest, this is what they would sound like:

Male:

Hi, my name is John. I'm a 30 year old divorced male. I'm skinny-fat and haven't had a tan since my Honeymoon. Have barely had sex since then as well, and I am afraid that I have forgotten how it works, but I digress. I have lost 15% of my hair in the last year and this terrifies me. On top of that, as this hair disappears, other hairs show up in really strange places. I sometimes go three or four days without showering. I am strangely fascinated by the smell of my own farts. I am self deprecating, but only as a preemptive defense mechanism.