Monday, March 29, 2010

Then and Now: Xbox 360 Hardware Review (I laugh at myself)

Let's go through and dissect my 5 year old, amatuerish xbox 360 hardware review, shall we? Keep in mind, i don't mean dissect the review in terms of review quality (which was piss fucking poor......MAN I have improved tremendously in the ensuing years), I simply mean how much of what I said still holds true today, and if I made any predictions, how did they hold up? New comments will be bolded and in red text for easy reading.

"If Only it Could Cook...."

Note: I have a premium xbox 360, which included a 20GB hard drive, microphone, remote control, component inputs and a wireless controller.

And sound the buzzer!! That premium 360 was 4 xbox 360's ago. Fucking piece of shit console......

External Design 10/10

The system looks really nice with a sleek, concaved design, all in white with removable and interchangeable faceplates (Sold seprately). It is made to sit either horizontally or vertically. The drive is a dual layered DVD drive, which some say is limiting. The worst case scenario would be 2 disc games down the road, which should present little to no problem.

And Sound the Buzzer Again!! There are now 3 and 4 disc games. Is this a major roadblock? Not for gamers, no, but it is for the publishers. Would I mind having to swtich discs every 15-20 hours for the odd game? No, of course not.

It's power supply is external, and it is really huge. It looks like the Ghostbusters trap. If there's ever a Ghostbusters game they shouls include a decal for the power bar to make it look like the trap. Anyways........

Wow, original joke is original!!

The Controller: 10//10

Similar to the Controller "S" except the black and white are replaced by two shoulder buttons, and the guide button was added, which gives you access to the dashboard (operating system/desktop type thing) at any time without leaving the game. This lets you access Live or custom sound tracks,a mong other things.

This isn't terribly offensive to the modern gamer. The controller really is excellent, save for the lacking dpad (which of course Mr. Blinded by new console joy failed to mention/notice).

Internal Design: 10/10

The operating system is a modified Windows OS that uses a "blade" system which essentailly is a series of menus that reside side by side on the screen, and can be switched between merely by pressing left or right on the controller or remote. This setup is terrific. It lets you seamlessly and flawlessly switch between menus for both online and offlien content, acessing videos, music, friends list, game demos, the xbox Live service, etc.

The console has a profile system that lets you set settings for all the games you play, for example if you play FPS games they will all now recognize your aim settings (inverted or not). Like racing games? It lets you decide whether the games will use the buttons or triggers for gas/brake. These profiles also tie into your Live account and store game data such as achievements, which are different goals in each game that allow you to score gamerpoints, which are just points used to compare yourself to other gamers.

The dashboard can be accessed at any time by puishing the guide button on the controller, so you can turn on custom soundtracks, check messages, etc.

Speaking of custom soundtracks, now your music can be streamed from your PC or played off the xbox hard drive in ANY GAME. I wirelessly stream music from my PC downstairs during games, it's really a great feature.

The tech specs are well known so I won't go into it but needless to say this harware is an absolute beast. As far as graphics are concerned, it will literally be up to the developers, as this thing is powerful. It shouldn't limit anyone in any way, at least not for a few years.

Well, no one could have forseen the onset of the NXE revolution (my ass) but other than that, this pretty much holds up. YAY magx01!!!

Xbox Live: 10/10

I can now play Smash Tv online. That alone seals the deal for me. But you are not me, so I will expand further.

Games support 32 players onlien now, 50+ in the future.

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Funny, because just the other day, my buddy and I were excited to be able to play with 20 people in a Blur race.


You can play custom music while online. There is a private chat feature, this is really neat because you can chat with someone over the mic while you are both doing different hings like watching a dvd or playing a game.

Poor, naive magx. Didn't realize they were going to KILL your favourite feature to appease Infinity Ward, did you? Actually, buddy, it's okay, it's not dead. It's disabled on a game by game basis, and it's up to the developers whether or not they want a silent community who's cheating with their teams in private chats or.......YES, EXACTLY!! IT'S FUCKING DEAD!!! THANKS YOU STUPID FPS PLAYERS :(


I used to love playing an arcade game and chatting with a friend while he played an FPS. Well, not anymore.

There is now an xbox Live Marketplace which is an area that hosts download content, both free


and not,

Got that part right, bub!!

including the traditional download content like maps, guns, characters, etc, and also now free game demos, trailers, and more.

EW, did I actually say preface the word demo with the word FREE? Man I was either blinded by fanboy newness or I have really changed in the last 5 years. OF COURSE THEY ARE FUCKING FREE!!! THEY ARE ADVERTISEMENTS FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Later on users will be a ble to sell their custom content creted in a game, for example create a map in Halo3 or Timesplitters 4 and sell it for 100 Microsoft points. (explained soon)


Xbox Live Arcade has been very well integrated now, a free game (Hexic HD) is pre-loaded on the hard drive and all games have a free trial to download. If you want to purchase anything, you do so by purchasing the aforementioned Microsoft points which are then redeemable for hatever it is you fany on Live. These points are like online currency, you buy a bunch then spend them on various things, some games like SMASH TV are 400 points while others are 800 or 1200.

Features: 10/10

Already mentioned are the custom soundtracks, provate chat, xbox live, achievemnts, and music streaming.

Also included is:

the ability to act as a DVR if you have a Windows Media Center PC.

UH, CAN IT? I don't think it can, can it?

Wireless gaming and PC connection.

DVD playback with progressive scan

Whoa!!! Welcome to the future!! The Flux Capacitor is the Power!!!

5.1 Dolby Digital Output

HDTV optimization

My personal best moment thus far:

I played SMASH TV online co-op while chatting with a friend of mine in a private chat (he was playing Perfect Dark at the same time) and streaming music wirelssly from my PC. While doing this, no lag or hiccups at all, it's all so seamless and perfect.

True, still true (save for the fact that the cross game chatting it going to go the way of the dodo......

Runner Up: Online Co-op in Perfect Dark Zero tied with sneaking up on the enemy team in COD2 without them seeing me and killing all 4 in roughly 3 seconds.

Wow, online gaming is exclusive the the 360?

Overall this system is truly amazing and is definitely next gen. Teh (who the fuck proofread this review?) graphics, sounds, features, lineup, looks all of it. Almost Perfection. Being able to downlaod game demos is huge, the lIve interface is tremendous, and it will be getting hAlo 3 (disappointment) and Ninja Gaiden 2 (another disappointment). The upcoming games like the Outfit, (ahahahahahaha)  Elder Scrolls: Oblivion (true, amazing fucking game) and especially the aforementioned amazing looking Gears of War look exceptional.

The future looks bright for Microsoft

Reviewer's Score: 9/10, Originally Posted: 12/02/05


  1. ORLY? worst review ever.

  2. Paladin Skye God EaterApril 12, 2010 at 1:09 AM

    LOL... you did you realize that you gave your score 9/10 at the end.. yet the rest of your scores were 10/10? Math fail!

    Well I've only had the XBox 360 for a few months now. I don't play games online. However, I did rent a movie two nights ago through it (The Fourth Kind). It was HD format, yet streamed seamlessly. I have it hooked up through an Ethernet cable from my computer, which is connected to my home network via Wireless-N (5ghz - 300 mbps). I like the fact that I didn't have to buy any new attachments to get it hooked up online (I carry extra Ethernet cables around my house for whatever-the-fuck reasons lol).

  3. Hey Paladin. Ya, that review made no sense, and definite math fail.

    As for Mr. Anonymous, you do realize you're telling me something I already no, correct? I mmean, I spent this whole article pwning myself on that shitty ass review.

  4. Paladin Sky eGod EaterApril 12, 2010 at 6:34 PM

    I'll have to create an account here maybe...

    Anyways.. yeah, I like your pwning of yourself. Good style, and good to see that you're not arrogant to the point where you can't correct even your past failures. Woo hoo!


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