Thursday, April 14, 2011

Charlie Sheen Show/Tour Is Shit. DUH! You Morons.

Here's an excerpt from a news article detailing some of the happenings at the opening of Charlie Sheen's show....uh.....thing. (Whatever the fuck it is supposed to be)

According to ABC news, this is how the first show, which took place in Detroit, transpired:
“Sheen managed to up the crowd's enthusiasm for the start of his act. Before his official debut, he played a montage of video clips including scenes from "Apocalypse Now," the film starring Sheen's father that Sheen claims to be obsessed with. He then strutted on stage with his "goddesses," Rachel Oberlin and Natalie Kenly, who proceeded to engage in a passionate kiss, much to the delight of the crowd.
They then went backstage to burn a bowling shirt similar to the one Sheen wore on Two and a Half Men. While footage of the shirt on fire in a garbage can played on the big screen behind him, Sheen urged the crowd to hold up their lighters, asking, "Doesn't anyone smoke cigarettes anymore? 
The spectacle mirrored the ranting and raving Sheen's done online and in interviews over the past few weeks. But after that, things took a turn for the weird 
Sheen stood at a podium in front of a pseudo-presidential looking seal saying "Warlock States of Sheen" and launched into a nonsensical speech seemingly directed at his critics.
He started, "Tonight I am delivered by cyber cloud, with the stomp and glisten of heaven's produce section." He then talked about burning something "down from the mount of olive" and "gasoline rainbows." He frequently damned "trolls" -- presumably, "Two and a Half Men" creator Chuck Lorre and his former bosses at CBS and Warner Brothers. He called Sarah Palin a "whore" for no apparent reason 
The audience seemed confused. They started to boo, loudly. Sheen pushed back, saying "I already got your money, dude." (All tickets stipulated that no refunds would be granted.)

After Sheen delivered his manifesto, he rolled out more movies and montages. One, called "RPG," was a film Sheen said he shot as a kid. It starred a young Johnny Depp whose character appeared distraught over not being able to develop film. Another video featured clips from Sheen's many recent interviews and parodies of those interviews. Yet another offered Sheen's take on his sit down with ABC News' Andrea Canning.

Throughout the night, the booing intensified, and people began streaming out of the theater. Things got worse when Sheen attempted to answer pre-submitted questions from the audience. Some hecklers got creative, yelling "Sheen sucks," "Bring back the goddesses," and "Where's Emilio?," referring to Emilio Estevez, Sheen's brother. (To that comment, Sheen shot back, "Pay attention to the guy you all came to see." 
At one point, Sheen asked audience members to raise their hands if they've ever done crack. When few hands went up, Sheen said he was "surprised because Detroit seems like a good place to get crack." That was met with a crush of "F*** yous. 
The night's rumoured special guest, rapper snoop Dogg didn't show. (A less well-known rapper, Dirt Nasty, did but received a worse reception than Sheen.) A little more than an hour into his act, Sheen offered up a video of Snoop singing the song they recorded together, "Winning." After that, the house lights came on; the show was over. By that point, it looked like 50-percent of the theater had emptied out.
Sheen returned with his Oberlin and Kenly 15 minutes after most of the crowd left to thank his "true fans" -- the stragglers remaining near the stage. He said that the show's still something of an experiment and it'll get better; he shook a few hands. When forlorn fans started shouting "refund," he left for good.”
Okay, so this is what they got, is it? This is what people paid up to (reportedly) $500 per ticket to see? A pseudo lesbian kiss between 2 porn stars, some video clips, a shirt being burned in a garbage can, a very, very rich and famous, drug addled, porn star fucking (I'm not saying doing drugs and banging porn stars is necessarily wrong, in and of themselves, it's the context) wife beater and fiance shooter (lmao, he apparently once 'accidentally' shot his fiance!) mumbling about “trolls” and “gasoline rainbows,” a home movie, some more video clips, and then insults hurled at the audience when they give rise to their disdain via a chorus of boos?



You know, I'm torn on this one. I'm “of two minds.” On the one hand, they got what they deserved. If you're silly, or stupid, or whatever enough to pay money to see Charlie Sheen stand up on stage and do....whatever the fuck he had said he was going to do, then you totally deserve what you got, and shouldn't be surprised at the fact that it was a complete and utter waste of time and money. Nor do you have the right to complain. (Yes, you have the right, technically, but you know what I mean).

I mean, why the fuck did you go in the first place? What were people expecting? He's not a singer, nor a stand up comedian. He's a mediocre actor. What the fuck could a mediocre actor do standing up on stage for an hour? Especially given the fact that he literally just threw this whole tour together. It's not like he spent a year developing a one man show. The reality of the situation is this: Charlie Sheen started acting all crazy, and for some reason the entire freaking world was glued to the goings on over at casa de Sheen.

He, in the process, lost his job, and thought “hey, I'm hot right now! I'm a spectacle! Hell, I'll bet I can take the spectacle that is Charlie Sheen and tour the country! Hell, I'll make millions off of these morons! They'll pay me to go on stage and tell them how much better I am than they are! I mean, really, I say the word “winning” and it becomes a fucking national catchphrase? Lol! I know! I'll print “winning” t-shirts, and make even more money! I'm awesome!”

To anyone with three or more intact brain cells, it's incredibly obvious just what transpired. And, amazingly, society manages to surprise me yet again. People are willing to pay a spoiled rich guy to go on stage and tell them how awesome he is, and they will buy t-shirts from the guy that proclaim how awesome he is. And they'll do it for a show that was thrown together in three seconds, solely for money (and probably as some sort of twisted social experiment), right in front of their faces! It's really fucking incredible. People are incredibly stupid. I mean, stop, sit back, and think about it:

What is he doing that's worthy of any of this hysteria? What in all of this merits a stage show?

Nothing and nothing!


So that's the half of me that blames the people.

On the other hand, what a fucking scumbag Charlie Sheen is! He knows full well that he's exploiting people, and he doesn't care. He's completely shameless. He knows that things are at a fever pitch, but will die down soon, and so he's going to strike while the iron is hot, and make out like abandit while he still can. The thought process is simple: how much can I get out of all of this before it dies down? It's shameless. It's shameful. It's disgusting. And the thing is, he's already got hundreds of millions of dollars! Why does he need more?

Sure, the people are paying, and no one is forcing them to, but he knows damn well many of them are just caught up in this stupid 'winning' hysteria bullshit, and when it all dies down they will regret doing what they did. Especially since many of them really shouldn't have spent that money.

He knows all this. He knows that a lot of people will spend $100 that they cannot really afford, because they are, for the moment, all caught up in the fantasy. He knows that many of them will feel ripped off in the morning. They'll have a Sheen induced hangover, and be filled with remorse. He knows this, and still he goes ahead. Why? He has hundreds of millions of dollars. He has more movies, TV shows, and book deals ahead of him (yet again selling himself to the same people, and for what, exactly? (but I digress). Does he really need Aunt May's last $100? She could have used that for the rent. He's just going to wipe his ass with it.

Of course, this last point brings us back to the origin of the blame, and the idea of personal responsibility. Hysteria or not, shouldn't Aunt May know better? Adults are supposed to be reasonable. Rational. Responsible. A 50 year old woman cannot understand that spending her last $100 on Charlie Sheen's hyper-manic ego show rather than her rent is a terrible idea? Come on....

And so you see, I am torn. I guess at the end of the day, everybody involved in this orgy of shallow egotism and consumerist stupidity deserves what they got. They're all a bunch of fucking insipid, vapid, vacuous, shallow, materialist, pop culture obsessed, empty headed barbie doll morons. The only thing separating one from the other is on which side of the $100 they find themselves on. I guess in that sense, Charlie Sheen is “winning.”

It's just too bad that winning this game is like winning the specia- actually, no, winning the special Olympics is a legitimate milestone, and one that should be lauded. Yay for the special athletes, and fuck Charlie Sheen and his million (or how ever many) Twitter followers (twits?).. They all got what they deserved, I suppose. It's just incredibly sad to me that this is the state of the society in which I find myself. Just a bunch of sheep.

Lol...just lol....a guy can get people to pay him money to tell them how awesome he is, and when someone complains about it, he flat out tells the person “I've already got your money, dude.” I mean, there's no pretension there. He said exactly what he thinks. Pretty fucking revealing, isn't it? Goes to show you that what you see on TV is all a big fucking game. It's just created hysterics for the sake of making money. Hate people, I really do. I hate them sometimes.


  1. He's a douche bag, but he's honest about it. Not that that makes him any better of a person. I would surmise that all the people paying him loads of cash should have known what they were getting themselves into.

    It doesn't surprise me. But its unsettling knowing that this one man is getting all that money, when these people could just have easily donated their money to causes in which they supposedly stand up for (whatever that accumulates to, if any). I feel that people like this do not have the "right" to complain about any type of economical crisis or where the governments money is going when they can spend their cash on this shit.

  2. Yes, he is blatantly obvious about it, as I discussed. "I already got your money, dude!" No hiding his intentions there!


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