Scatterbrained Self

So before even started this post, I started running through my head what the hell I could possibly write. In fact, this, that I’m writing now, is quite different from what I was planning on writing.

“That makes no sense” you say

I say “Screw you” with a minty fresh breath, since I left this page open to go brush my teeth to think on what I was going to write.

 

<!--more—>

20 fucking minutes later(after looking for the break so that this thing doesn’t take up the whole front page and (mag gets mad). I really hope this shit works, fix it doesn’t mag. Anyway, I totally forgot what I was going on about….fucking distractions.

So I left that one site that I don’t care to mention. Only visited a couple of times since then, I must say their Goty awards were shit for the most part(Uncharted 3 best third person shooter? REALLY?!?!). Eh,fuck it; just opinions and such and mine don’t fit with theirs.

So I’ve been going to a therapist/psychiatrist for the past few months now(since October) and I am officially diagnosed as clinically depressive and as having an anxiety disorder. A huge part of me things: “So what, who isn’t now a days, suck it up!” I find I’m my own worst enemy and put myself down so often.

Random interruption:

*watches random video*

*person in video coughs, then I cough*

Me: Clearly coughs are contagious.

Stop right there criminal scum and keep your pity to yourself. At least that’s what I think when I think that people read this and give me “well wishes or other bullcrap.” I immediately think that I’m being pitied and hate it. I know they/you aren’t, but there’s that separation between “knowing something” and ‘feeling it.” It’s that pessimist in me, fucking everything up, fucking jerk.

So my writing is pretty much non-existent as well. This causes me to stick with my self proclaimed “aspiring aspiring writer” label. I feel like I’m just a delusional fool sometimes. one who is smart enough to realize it, but not smart enough to overcome it.

This obviously isn’t me all the time. It’s just during moments of weakness, which seem to happen far too often now a days and that realization depresses me. *sigh followed by a cough*

Ah fuck it, I’ll end it here. I’ll go back to attempting to make a “to do list” for tomorrow and fucking around on twitter. Also, Socially Awkward Penguin is the best meme I found out about today randomly while on twitter!

PS: While looking for a way to turn text into a link, I found out that the program I’m using to writing this has a built in “break it in. I’m a bit annoyed…..