Monday, April 14, 2014

Syko Shadow's List of People to KILL

Just like magx's list before mine, this is a collection of names of people who I think are ruining this world by their mere presence. These people are the worst of the worst in their respective fields, and the world would be better if Marty McFly went back in time and accidentally prevented their birth, or some shit. Unlike magx, however, I will give a short quip with each name, making it perfectly clear WHY I hate these people, because I'm not lazy like him... well, not AS lazy... well, fuck you anyway. Let's begin!

-Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the directors of Date Movie, Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Vampires Suck. These people are actually worse than Michael Bay, Uwe Boll, Ed Wood, and whatever fucking tool directed the Twlight movies COMBINED. Their movies are like the flaky sticky scum buildup under the scrotum of a Mississippi redneck who hasn't bathed in two years. You can't even say they make bad movies. They don't make movies, they make cinematic dogshit. Two retched, painful hours of brainless slapstick which usually degrades to mindlessly beating someone up in the most absurdly retarded way possible, pop culture references (which mostly consist of a poor impersonation/caricature of a celebrity that's on the top Yahoo! searches list at the time), and occasionally an actual attempt at a joke with a punchline that always ends up to be so unfunny it actually makes me physically cringe when I hear it. From the bottom of my heart, go fuck yourselves.

-John Gibson, radio commentator, conservative pundit, Fox News alumni and all-around unlikable individual. Flithy degenerate, immature asshole, racist to an unbelievable degree even for a conservative American who worked for Fox News. He is the fucking worst, I mean it. He is a heartless callous sack of wet fucking dirt who actually laughed at the sorrow of other people after 9/11, mocked and belittled Heath Ledger after his death for no other reason that for the sake of "a good joke" as Gibson himself put it, used a school shooting as an opportunity to preach his message of hatred for black people and hip-hop music, even though the shooter was a white headbanger, not a black gangbanging "hip-hopper" as Gibson reported him to be (guess he was still following the old Fox News mantra of "never knowing what in the fuck you're talking about"), and perhaps his most famous moment was telling white people to "make more babies" so that minorities will stay grossly outnumbered in America and good ol' white people remain dominant. This THING masquerading as a man makes Fred Phelps seem charming by comparison. Speaking of which...

-Everyone at the  Westboro Baptist Church, religious psychopaths who travel the country protesting their anti-gay beliefs and their distorted views on Christianity at gay pride parades, political rallies, Comic-Con, funerals... wait, what? Yeah, these people actually protest at funerals, specifically funerals of dead soldiers. I'm not one to get teary-eyed about the patriotic duty of the U.S. Armed Forces, but I have enough respect for human life to NOT FUCKING PICKET A FUCKING FUNERAL! And that's like the 15th thing that these inbred Kansas fucksticks do with their time that pisses me off!

-Ray Comfort, because magx said so. Don't worry, I'll give my two cents on that mustachio'ed fuck soon enough in a separate blog post.

-Nathan Drake, a videogame character who stars in the Uncharted series. I know's he's not a real person, but fuck him in the eye socket anyway, smug-ass unlikable boring fucking personality-depraved white supremacist walking one-liner machine who refuses to fucking DIE. He's the blandest, stupidest, most unlikable sack of crap in the gaming world. He's the personal fantasy of every whitebread loser in the suburbs. He's perfect in every way. He has no flaws, no personality setbacks that the writers are aware of, he's supposedly the most handsome man that Naughty Dog's graphics budget could allow, and he can take on hordes of gun-wielding mercenaries with nothing but a t-shirt, jeans, and an AK-47, and come out unscathed because he apparently has the same regenerative capabilities as Wolverine from the goddamn X-Men. He's everything that a boring person wants to be. The only problem is, he's just as boring as the people who want to emulate him. Oh, and if I hear one more brain-dead dipshit compare Drake's character to Indiana Jones, I will fucking lose my shit. Indy is so much better than this piece of crap, how dare you insult Dr. Henry Jones Jr. with that bullshit. Indiana Jones actually has a personal background, motivations for his actions, emotions, and moments of vulnerability because his gun wounds don't fucking regenerate! Nathan Drake has none of that shit, so stop saying that fuckstick is anything like Indy! That'd be like someone coming up to me and saying "hey, your blogs are great, they're almost as good as Ray Comfort's!" Fuck that shit.

-The Prince of Persia from the 2008 game of the same name, because he's an exact replica of Nathan Drake.

-Michael Bay, for being the single most financially successful bad movie director. His movies are all about special effects, pretty celebrities, racism, and dick-riding the U.S. Army. He has no talent when it comes to making meaningful cinema, his only skill seems to be raking in bank, suckering in the depraved masses of America who would rather watch 2 fucking hours of CGI, cameras spinning around people talking, frat boy humor, patriotic masturbation, helicopters slowly flying in front of sunsets, ethnic jokes (usually about black people), and people dramatically getting out of cars than anything interesting. Which brings me to my next entry in the list...

-People who go to see Michael Bay's movies, for actually thinking that shit is good entertainment. Fuck you people. You're letting that man be successful by paying to go see his movies! You're all Bay-enablers! I am hardly ever one to shit on someone's opinion of what is or is not entertainment, I'm a firm believer of "to each their own" when it comes to movies, but in this case I'll shit wherever I want! Natural selection apparently doesn't apply to the film industry, or else Michael Bay would be deader than fucking dinosaurs right now. But thanks to the jackass portion of American moviegoers, he survives and in fact thrives in the film-making industry, which is just plain wrong.

-Everyone responsible for the 9/11 first responders healthcare bill NOT being passed. Both sides, Republican and Democrat are to blame, fuck them both, and this is coming from someone who is as far to the left as you can get. The fucking Republicans are heartless fucking sonsofbitches who, along with protecting the interests of foreign businesses who were probably providing many conservatives with kickbacks, were getting pissy that a few of the brave people who tried to help during the 9/11 aftermath MIGHT HAVE BEEN "illegal immigrants" who apparently don't deserve healthcare coverage for ailments they sustained from risking their lives to help their fellow human beings, simply because they're not Americans. Just as bad is the fucking Democrats, who are worthless spineless fucking imbeciles who actually made it harder for the bill to get passed because they feared backlash about the illegal immigrant thing when election season came around. The bill actually would have been passed, had the House Democrats not made it so that the bill needed a 2/3rd's majority vote instead of the lesser 213 votes that any bill normally needs. Fuck everyone in Congress, fuck you all, you stupid little politicians who care nothing for humanity. This little fiasco shows what the interests of the House of Representatives is. It sure as fuck ain't repaying hard-working men and women who lent aid in a time of great need. It's about the Republican's love of corporate kickbacks and hatred of non-Americans, and the Democrat's desire to look good during election season. Suck my big fat ghetto Mexitalian dick, you political game-playing whores.

-Stephanie Meyer, author of the Twilight novels. Let me tell you right now, the fact that her books have completely bastardized the mythos of classic vampirism and lycanthropy is, without a doubt, pretty fucking low on the list of reasons Twilight sucks. Her books are the gender-stereotype fantasy of a Mormon woman grown up to believe her only goal in life was to get a man, and who doesn't grasp the concept that the behavior of Bella, Edward and Jacob is more in line with serial rapists, stalkers, and whores than "true love romance" bullshit. She can't write for shit, and yet she makes fucking bank on this crap. But you know whose fault that is?...

-Fans of Twilight, for buying into the aforementioned anti-feminist fantasy and letting this stereotype bullshit continue. Grow the fuck up, the Twilight "saga" isn't romantic or sweet, and neither Team Jacob or Team Edward is worth a shit because both of those guys are abject retards fighting over a manipulative whining immature slut with no emotions who isn't even good-looking. The movies suck, the books suck, and the main characters suck the hardest. Bella is a sociopathic cock-teasing unattractive annoying fucking prick of a woman who refuses to listen to any form of reason because she just wants to suck Edward Cullen's shriveled sparkling little wiener for all eternity. Edward is a creepy stalker-ish whiny dipshit with about as much common sense as anyone else on this list. Jacob is a closet serial rapist who has actually threatened to kill Bella if she didn't love him back, because THAT'S romantic! Stop supporting this shit, people! And just so you know where I'm coming from...

-90% of Twilight haters, because you fuckers aren't helping my case! Most of the people that trash Twilight simply do so because the movies look "girly" or "faggoty." If you're going to criticize and hate on something, HATE IT FOR THE RIGHT FUCKING REASONS! Twilight fangirls actually have a point when they say that most of Twilight haters should at least see the movies before judging them. I saw the fucking movies, I've seen all three! I've looked at them every way I know when it comes to movies, and my conclusion is simple and clear: they suck! When I'm not repulsed by the creepy antisocial main characters, I'm laughing at the hilarious stupidity of the script, dialogue, and acting. Sadly, my honest critique of the Twilight series is overshadowed by you dumbass frat boy motherfuckers whose only case against Twilight is that Edward sparkles, and sparkles are "for faggots." Perhaps the biggest reason I hate Twilight haters just as much as Twilight fans, these same jockstrap-smelling retards are both the target audience and the creators of yet another sack of cinematic dogshit from the makers of Meet The Spartans. You're the types of people who actually go to see movies like Vampires Suck or anything done by Michael Bay and I hate you for that, you stupid Mountain Dew-chugging, bro-high-fiving nutsacks, go fuck yourselves you goddamn inbred bastard children. I'll say the same thing to you that I said to Twilight's fans... GROW THE FUCK UP.

-The hosts of the TMZ television show. I'm not even going to be bothered to look up their names, they're just a sad little collection of gossip mongers and jackasses, whose actual career is stalking and hounding complete strangers, videotaping and photographing every little thing they do, and then posting it on TV while mocking the person endlessly. Being a paparazzi is pretty much being a professional stalker. It's creepy as fuck, people should not normally be allowed to shadow a complete stranger this incessantly without a restraining order quickly following. Besides the fact that only people who literally have NO social life are even half as obsessed with the daily routines of celebrities as these fucks are, what in the hell do they think they're accomplishing here? They spend 30 minutes on their little TV show making fun of people who are infinitely more successful than they are. Their goal is to try and roast people like Eddie Murphy in the middle of the street for no other reason than to shrink the gaping hole in their souls that formed the second they realized that no matter what they do, they will never be as rich, successful, or popular as him, and everything they report on their show or on their website, no matter how insignificant it may seem to people like me who actually have a life, whether it's Sylvester Stallone walking his dog or Rihanna eating at McDonald's, is still more interesting than the people who are reporting it. That's why I don't even care what your names are, hosts of TMZ, and why nobody who even watches your shit TV show knows any of your names, because you are a million times more uninteresting and unimportant than the contents of Jessica Alba's chinese take-out bag.

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