Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Today's topic is, as the title so succinctly suggests, the N word!
And by N word, I mean "nigger." (Chappelle's Show reference FTW)
Obviously, it's a bad word for a good reason. Since its inception, the word "nigger" has been associated with the oppression and racism towards black people that has defined the United States since before it became a nation. But for such a bad word, there sure is alot of debate over who can and cannot use the word, or its cousin "nigga" (or "nyugga" if you gettin' fancy), in modern society. Some believe that only black people themselves have any right to use any version of the word without fear of social backlash, some wish to see other races free to use the word to exercise free speech, and some want the word flat-out banned as it is a painful and vulgar word that nobody should WANT to use.
So where do I fit in all of this?
Monday, May 5, 2014
Well, 2010 has been gone for a long time now, so I think it's time I finally took a good look back at last year in gaming. I don't do award show-type crap, instead what I try to do is simply give recognition to as many stand-out games as possible, whether they stand out in a positive or negative light, unlike an award show which only congratulates the winner of each generic fucking category and forgets the runner-ups entirely.
There's been quite a few games out this year, good ones and bad ones, amazing works of art and horrendous pieces of horse dick. So let's get down to business, time to give some shout-outs to the best and worst of 2010!
Monday, April 14, 2014
-Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the directors of Date Movie, Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Vampires Suck. These people are actually worse than Michael Bay, Uwe Boll, Ed Wood, and whatever fucking tool directed the Twlight movies COMBINED. Their movies are like the flaky sticky scum buildup under the scrotum of a Mississippi redneck who hasn't bathed in two years. You can't even say they make bad movies. They don't make movies, they make cinematic dogshit. Two retched, painful hours of brainless slapstick which usually degrades to mindlessly beating someone up in the most absurdly retarded way possible, pop culture references (which mostly consist of a poor impersonation/caricature of a celebrity that's on the top Yahoo! searches list at the time), and occasionally an actual attempt at a joke with a punchline that always ends up to be so unfunny it actually makes me physically cringe when I hear it. From the bottom of my heart, go fuck yourselves.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
For the past month or so, there has been some news regarding one of my favorite games of this generation, Mirror's Edge. Apparently, development of a sequel has been pushed to the side by Electronic Arts so that the developer DICE can focus on making a game to compete with Call of Duty, presumably Battlefield 3.
Fuck that, I want my sexy free-running goddess, I do NOT want another patriotic Aryan poster boy fightin' the dang Ruskies for the old Stars and Stripes! American military videogames weren't fun the first time around, now we've got more interactive advertisements for the U.S. Army than I can count, and on top of that DICE is tossing aside a sequel to one of the most unique games on today's consoles to continue this stream of semper fi bullshit.
You know, Mirror's Edge is far from the first original IP I've grown to love, yet others look down on, and due to that the aspects of a sequel are... less than hopeful. With that in mind, I decided to write about my most desired sequels I need, but may never get.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
There have been quite a few videogames that, whether coined "the Citizen Kane of gaming" or not, HAVE been praised as being one of the best, if not the best, ever made. Some of the more popular choices for this controversial category have been Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Super Mario Bros. 3, and ABC News even did a piece in collaboration with Michael Thomsen from IGN giving a detailed analysis claiming Metroid Prime to be the Citizen Kane of videogames, directly comparing their themes and stories.
Consider this video by Anthony Burch to be in line with my feelings about not only Metroid Prime, but ANY game being called "The Citizen Kane of videogames."
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Do we simply refer to realism as making the game look as photo-realistic as possible, à la Crysis? Or maybe you define realism by gameplay that faithfully represents the laws of reality with no hint of supernatural elements, like the current Call of Duty games or the Uncharted series. I keep hearing that people want games to be more realistic, and the vibe I get from this rallying call is that this statement basically means "less Ratchet and Clank, more Heavy Rain," and if that's the case... I hope that never fucking happens. Ever.
Since simple visual photo-realism is simple enough to understand, let's focus instead on physical realism in games. People who want these types of realistic games want things to react just as they would in real life. This not only extends to certain materials acting as they should, whether it be wood breaking or metal bending as it should, like in The Force Unleashed, but it also means that the human character you play as must feel human. Their abilities must be based in our current reality, so no superpowers or futuristic tech that doesn't exist in our world. I don't know about you, but to me, that sounds boring as hell.
I'm not saying realistic games are bad... well, not completely... but if you look at it, their attempts at realism push them further away from the goal. The more things they do to make the games seem more realistic, the more noticeable it is when they overlook something. Take Uncharted 2 and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 for examples. Both games go to lengths to make themselves more realistic. They both sport art styles firmly within the boundaries of real life with no artistic deviations, neither one lets you do anything supernatural like shoot fireballs from your eyes, use biotics or fly with the power of dreams, and both games are set on our quaint little planet Earth complete with real-life locations such as Moscow and Washington D.C.
And yet, they are both completely unrealistic.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
But one recent series has raised my ire for far too long, a current-gen game long heralded as the best on its console and even one of the best video games ever. I would be remiss to allow my viewpoint, no matter how objectionable it may be to others, to go unspoken. There are many people who attest to the quality of this game, and yet I find myself with an opinion contrary to the overwhelming majority, as I usually do. To put it simply...
I fucking hate Uncharted 2. I hate it so fucking much. The first Uncharted game is just run-of-the-fucking-mill, yet the sequel is the same shit but it gets accolades up the ass! Fuck this game!!!
Ok ok, I promised myself I would dispense with my usual vulgarity, and attempt to discuss this somewhat
sensitive topic in an intellectual manner.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Well, Microsoft disappointed me greatly. I'm only excited by four of the things they've shown, and I already knew about two of them before E3 even started. Hopefully, EA and Ubisoft will satiate my appetite for gaming news.
Remember, all of this is simply my opinions of the announcements as I heard them, and all of which are my opinion. So if anything I say offends or angers you... well I'm doing my job. Allons-y!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
It's that time of year, the Electronic Entertainment Expo is one of the most active and interesting times of the year for gamers. The biggest announcements are usually saved for E3. This year's expo already has the upcoming Nintendo console to reveal, so the other big names have to really bring the heat. First up is Microsoft, who kinda sucked ass last year. Are they gonna redeem themselves in my eyes?
These are my immediate reactions to the announcements and games shown at the conference. Let's begin!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Source: Mass Effect 3 Game Informer Article Scans (SPOILERS)
NOTE: On the original webpage I got these scans from, the pages of the article are not in the correct order. I made sure to do each scan in the correct order, from page 50 to 61.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Friday, December 10, 2010
1) I give just as much recognition to the runners-up as the winner of each category
2) I don't whore out to mainstream crap
3) I'm not Spike TV
So without further ado, let's go back in time and remember the best (and a few of the worst) games of last year, 2009!
Well, it's that time of year again, to have Spike TV embarass the entire gaming industry by trying to pull off some dipshit award show that focuses more on celebrity cameos than honest recognition of the greatest accomplishments of developers and publishers this year. The only reason anyone watches this award show is the ocassional debut of a new game, or premiere of a new trailer or some shit. We just put up with the awful award nominations and the Jersey Shore cast until the next game trailer.
But what the hell, let's humor Spike TV for now and pretend the VGA's are anything other than a completely goddamn stupid gaming minstrel show. I'm going to look through their award nominees and judge which ones I would vote for if it made any difference.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
WARNING: The following material is highly offensive to people who take their baby Jesus very seriously.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
As I am a Florida resident (represent for Broward County!), my local news stations are all covering an event happening in Gainesville, which is just a few miles north from the Central Florida shit-hole I am currently residing in (fuck Lake County, fuck it hard). Apparently, some wholesome little church in that town called the Dove World Outreach Center is preparing for an anti-Islamic protest that makes Draw Mohammed Day seem harmless by comparison. On September 11th, anniversary of the destruction of the World Trade Center in New York City, the patrons of the Dove World Outreach Center, a small non-denominational Christian church in Gainesville, Florida, will all participate in a Qu'ran book-burning.
This is an open letter to the leading pastor behind this event, Terry Jones, and all who support him:
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Crackdown 2 Post , seeing as how I'm probably a bigger fan of the first game than even him, and hopefully my thoughts on the game will help my friend magx in his spiritual quest for gaming enlightenment. First things first though:
I fucking called it, Crackdown 2 sucks the sweaty bald spot on the bottom of a man's ballsack, at least when it is compared to the first game.