Monday, January 10, 2011

Fun with the Bible! Part One.

This two part blog series will examine a select few inspirational biblical quotes in an effort to ascertain just how accurate the bible is in terms of science, and just how moral it is. This isn't going to be overly comprehensive, just a select few. The point is made rather easily. No need to be redundant, redundant, is there, is there?? This is Part 1.

A man has an obligation to produce a child with his brother's widow. If he refuses, his sister-in-law is to spit in his face in front of the elders:

Deuteronomy 25:5-9
5If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her. 
6And it shall be, that the firstborn which she beareth shall succeed in the name of his brother which is dead, that his name be not put out of Israel.
7And if the man like not to take his brother's wife, then let his brother's wife go up to the gate unto the elders, and say, My husband's brother refuseth to raise up unto his brother a name in Israel, he will not perform the duty of my husband's brother.
8Then the elders of his city shall call him, and speak unto him: and if he stand to it, and say, I like not to take her;
9Then shall his brother's wife come unto him in the presence of the elders, and loose his shoe from off his foot, and spit in his face, and shall answer and say, So shall it be done unto that man that will not build up his brother's house.

Light Created Before the Sun:

Genesis 1: 3-19
1:3 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

1:4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
1:5 And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
...
1:14 And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:
1:15 And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.
1:16 And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.
1:17 And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,
1:18 And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.
1:19 And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

Men are superior to Women:

Timothy 2:12 :
"And I permit no woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she is to keep silent"

Annihilate people for worshipping the wrong god:

Deuteronomy 13:12-18
12 If you hear it said about one of the towns the LORD your God is giving you to live in 13 that wicked men have arisen among you and have led the people of their town astray, saying, "Let us go and worship other gods" (gods you have not known), 14 then you must inquire, probe and investigate it thoroughly. And if it is true and it has been proved that this detestable thing has been done among you, 15 you must certainly put to the sword all who live in that town. Destroy it completely, [a] both its people and its livestock. 16 Gather all the plunder of the town into the middle of the public square and completely burn the town and all its plunder as a whole burnt offering to the LORD your God. It is to remain a ruin forever, never to be rebuilt. 17 None of those condemned things [b] shall be found in your hands, so that the LORD will turn from his fierce anger; he will show you mercy, have compassion on you, and increase your numbers, as he promised on oath to your forefathers, 18 because you obey the LORD your God, keeping all his commands that I am giving you today and doing what is right in his eyes.

Bats are birds:

Leviticus 11:
11:13 And these are they which ye shall have in abomination among the fowls ; they shall not be eaten, they are an abomination: the eagle, and the ossifrage, and the ospray,
11:14 And the vulture, and the kite after his kind;
11:15 Every raven after his kind;
11:16 And the owl, and the night hawk, and the cuckow, and the hawk after his kind,
11:17 And the little owl, and the cormorant, and the great owl,
11:18 And the swan, and the pelican, and the gier eagle,
11:19 And the stork, the heron after her kind, and the lapwing, and the bat.

Be afraid of women and their menstrual 'fountain':

Leviticus 20:18:
And if a man shall lie with a menstruous woman, and shall uncover her nakedness, he has discovered her fountain, and she has uncovered the fountain of her blood. And both of them shall be cut off from among their people.

4 comments:

  1. Ladies and Gentlemen, the "Holy" word of YHWH.

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  2. Indeed.

    Part two of his word is still incoming XD

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  3. I think someone should make a T-shirt that reads "Timothy 2:12 Sexist God FTW!".

    Or better yet, make a T-shirt with a traditional depiction of God (white beard, some type of white robe, i.e. the imagery stolen from Zeus) getting busy with Mary (you know, making the virgin pregnant), and above God, have a caption that says "Keep silent!". Maybe have Mary crying or something too...

    I'd sooooo wear that to a church. XD

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  4. Holy fuck, the one with Mary crying is so deliciously blasphemous lololol

    ReplyDelete

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