In Defense Of 'Crazy' Stay At Home Moms

We all know the trope of the 'crazy' suburban mom; you know,  the one who screams at her kids and husband all day despite being medicated to the gills with pharmacological agents and vodka coolers and while I have done my share of sneering at them to myself and others (shitty behaviour around kids is hard not to sneer at) I have been thinking a lot about these women and what might be at the root of the problem and I think that "they're just crazy" isn't fair and what really may be going on is totally not their fault but actually the fault of the way we engineered post-industrialization/post-agricultural societies.

If you travel back in time to say 50,000 years ago, what was the life of a mother like? Were they alone, separated into individual houses, or together as a community, dealing with everyone's' kids all at once?

It was the latter.

Assuming we all agree on this point, (and how can't we; I'm always right after all, right C-man? fuma!) what can we take from this? Well, it logically follows that evolving to raise kids in a community would lead women of future generations to basically needing said communities for support and ultimately, optimal mental health. So, separating into houses all along a street and living in their own little worlds with their kids and hubbies (when home from work) could possibly be setting them up for failure. Living contrary to ones' nature is a recipe for mental illness, right?

If we think about the nature of women, are they more oriented towards being solitary or in groups? I think we all know the answer. They are definitely wired towards being hive minded. Men are generally the more solitary creatures. So, in the interest of fairness here, is it really any wonder that once they are separated into individual homes alone with their kid(s) all day that they go "crazy?" They are living without the social support networks they evolved to need!

I always think/talk about how the way this culture is engineered is really bad for men, but I am starting to consider the possibility that it's bad for women as well. It's bad for all of us, I think. One day I'll stop being so lazy and really dig into this idea and post a detailed, cogent, thought out piece about it. I really think there's a lot about the way we are living that we need to rethink. I'm just so lazy.....damn culture's fault!

In Defense Of 'Crazy' Stay At Home Moms

We all know the trope of the 'crazy' suburban mom; you know,  the one who screams at her kids and husband all day despite being medicated to the gills with pharmacological agents and vodka coolers and while I have done my share of sneering at them to myself and others (shitty behaviour around kids is hard not to sneer at) I have been thinking a lot about these women and what might be at the root of the problem and I think that "they're just crazy" isn't fair and what really may be going on is totally not their fault but actually the fault of the way we engineered post-industrialization/post-agricultural societies.

If you travel back in time to say 50,000 years ago, what was the life of a mother like? Were they alone, separated into individual houses, or together as a community, dealing with everyone's' kids all at once?

It was the latter.

Assuming we all agree on this point, (and how can't we; I'm always right after all, right C-man? fuma!) what can we take from this? Well, it logically follows that evolving to raise kids in a community would lead women of future generations to basically needing said communities for support and ultimately, optimal mental health. So, separating into houses all along a street and living in their own little worlds with their kids and hubbies (when home from work) could possibly be setting them up for failure. Living contrary to ones' nature is a recipe for mental illness, right?

If we think about the nature of women, are they more oriented towards being solitary or in groups? I think we all know the answer. They are definitely wired towards being hive minded. Men are generally the more solitary creatures. So, in the interest of fairness here, is it really any wonder that once they are separated into individual homes alone with their kid(s) all day that they go "crazy?" They are living without the social support networks they evolved to need!

I always think/talk about how the way this culture is engineered is really bad for men, but I am starting to consider the possibility that it's bad for women as well. It's bad for all of us, I think. One day I'll stop being so lazy and really dig into this idea and post a detailed, cogent, thought out piece about it. I really think there's a lot about the way we are living that we need to rethink. I'm just so lazy.....damn culture's fault!

Being Single Is Selfish....Sure, But Relationships Are Just As Selfish

Find that shocking? Ridiculous? Demeaning? Insulting, even? Okay, tell me: Why do YOU get into relationships then? Why does anyone?

(Note: This is a follow up of sorts to an earlier post I did regarding the selfishness of having kids. Click HERE if you want to read that one.)

 Here are some (arguably) selfless reasons (I say arguably given the selfish altruism theory popular in some psychology circles):

How Life Changes After Having a Kid (or at least how I felt about it two years ago)

The following is from a conversation I had online 2 years ago or so. I found it saved as a blog draft in a folder on my computer, and I remembered how I had planned on posting this here as a post about children from the point of view of someone who did not want one and did not experience a life changing shift in my viewpoint after having done so. I thought it interesting to read my thoughts at the time and compare my situation then to my situation now and I thought I would post it here given the recent post I made here about having children (if you have not read that I suggest reading it before reading this). 

Online friend speaking to a group of us online: "You guys are in your late 20's? I feel so young :( I'm only 21."

Me: "I'll be 30 in November :(

However, as depressing as that fact may be to me (very much so), much of the time I feel about your age. "Young at heart," as they say. Speaking of which, let me make a suggestion to you (any of you, really): If you plan on getting married, and/or having a kid (or kids), delay as much as possible. Get your shit together (career, finances, etc) but, more importantly, enjoy the everloving FUCK out of your twenties.

Random Thoughts: Divorce and Kids

I'm not divorced but we're separated (about 18 months now) and it was and has been totally amicable. I love that woman to death but we were not right for one another and now we're both better off. Our child (who is 4) is perfectly happy as there is no animosity and we even still do things together with her so that she still gets that 2 parent experience. Not a bad word is ever spoken about either parent to her and she knows that mommy and daddy love one another.

I believe it's when parents communication is fractured, bitterness sets in and the children become pawns in a childish chess match that "children of divorce" end up negatively impacted. Now, am I deluding myself to a degree? Quite possibly. It might still be better for her to have us both around at all times, but hopefully if that is true it is counterbalanced by the fact that I am much happier now and can therefore really be the dad I aspire to be.

Just keep the bullshit to a minimum, ALWAYS keep it away from the kids and remember that at the end of the day life is messy; there's multiple ways to live life. If you're happier separated and the kids are happy and get time with both parents, then fuck societal expectations and the guilt that people (many of whom frankly regret their decisions but won't admit it) try to engender in you for not living the "right" way. Your life and your happiness are important too. Happy people make happy parents.