Fuck Winter

Vegetables Killed James Gandolfini

On June 19th, 2013 Tony Soprano James Gandolfini died suddenly while on Vacation in Rome, Italy. The 51 year old actor and notoriously heavy breather had dined on a (presumably) gigantic meal earlier in the evening before retiring to his room for the night eternity. The autopsy confirmed the suspicions of basically everyone either involved in the story or aware of it; the actor/heavy breather had died of a heart attack. This conclusion has not been challenged by anyone and it has therefore never been investigated further. One could assume that this is due to the fact that there were no pieces of evidence at the scene to suggest an alternative cause of death. There were no signs of forced entry or reported disturbances (like arguing or fighting) emanating from his room that night, although four people on various floors both above and below him did call the concierge to report the sounds of laboured breathing coming from a room somewhere in the hotel (they knew which room it was but they also knew who was in there and knew better than to name names. Nobody rats on T. Nobody). The toxicology report came back negative. There was no blood, no wounds (defensive or otherwise). Open and shut case, right?

Eh, maybe.....or maybe not.

See, I have come across some rather disturbing evidence that his death, while it was in fact a heart attack, was actually the result of an absolute unwillingness, on his part, to eat vegetables, and this cause was actually known to the coroner and others involved in caring for Mr. Gandolfini but the truth of the matter has been suppressed by pasta and meatballs industry. Lobbyists from the industry descended upon Rome immediately upon the news of his death going public; the goal of this was of course to put pressure on those involved in the investigation to ensure that no mention of pasta, meatballs or vegetables (the presence of the former and regarding the latter, a lack thereof) was made in either any official reports or any press conferences or interviews.

I cannot reveal how I cam across this disturbing information but suffice it to say the fact that vegetables tasted less like pasta and meatballs and more like, well, vegetables, was the cause of death and this fact was forcibly kept from the public due to the presence of and pressure by the pasta and meatballs lobby.

Those bastards.

MMA Weekend Roundup (Just a Few Thoughts)

UFC

Guillard vs Pearson no contest controversy:  I think it was the right call as it was the second knee that opened that cut, but that fucking downed opponent rule is a) fucking stupid and b) obviously being exploited by fighters. Use your hand to block the knee, not touch the ground and try and be saved by some arbitrary bullshit rule. That rule really needs to go. You could tell Rogan was trying very hard to watch what he said while still getting the point across. On his podcast he's been much more open about it (he fuckin hates it). I don't even get what the rationale is. Kneeing someone in the head is okay when they are crouched or standing but when they are on the ground it's not okay because.......? What, it "just looks brutal?" What actual EFFECT does it have.....oh ya, the SAME as it does anywhere else. Just let them fucking fight, fuck. Guillard got robbed of a win because of this shit. I just hope this doesn't take the wind out of his sails, cause we all know he's been spotty but you could tell he was on yesterday. He wanted to win that fight and clearly trained hard. Only for a no contest? Fuck.

Machida: Looked great at 185lbs. I hope this weight class becomes his new home. Of course, we don't know if the weight cut depleted his reserves or not as the fight didn't even enter the second round, so there's always the possibility that a guy like Weidman could wear him out ("take him into deep waters and drown him" as so many fighters are fond of saying) but for now I am impressed. I was so scared he was going to lose and was ecstatic when he won. I would love to see him and Silva fight at some point. Wow that would be a dream. War Machida!

Bellator

Have you heard the news, people? I'm assuming you have but if you haven't for w/e reason, the PPV is off. 106 is now a free card on Spike. Why, you ask? Tito is injured. lol What else is new. I'm going to take what they have said as the truth but I wouldn't be terribly surprised if there was some fuckery afoot. Bellator PR fuckery from the get go or some fuckery from the Ortiz camp....I dunno. Nice message to send the rest of the guys on that card though. You ain't sellin shit, mofuckas. We need washed up ex UFC vets to sell shit. Nice....Btw, that card is absolutely fucking stacked. Bellator 106 might be the best card this year.  STACKED. I cannot wait. The casual mma fan that may (and I mean may) have purchased the PPV to see Ortiz vs Jackson would have been treated some potentially insane fights before witnessing whatever shit show the two washed up UFC veterans would have put on. My only hope is they somehow tune in to the card on Spike because the guys still on that card deserve the viewership. 

Add Tiger Sarnavskiy to the list of those Russian fighters who are really impressing me as of late. Both in Bellator and the UFC. I'm excited to see what they can do in 2014.

Desmond Green vs Angelo Sanchez: Um....that was hard to watch. The cut sustained by Sanchez was easily the nastiest I have ever seen and I never want to see something like that again. If you want to see, and I don't blame you for the curiosity but be forewarned.....it's horrible, here you go:

See the doctor opening it up at the end there? He did it multiple times and each time I was like NO STOP PLEASE. He just kept.fucking.doing.it. I literally had to look away and keep looking away until it was over. Even Jimmy Smith said on air "I really wish that doctor would stop opening and closing that thing."

GROSS. 

WSOF 6

Haven't seen it (yet). I did however, have the Miguel Torres fight spoiled for me, since I never learn my lesson and still visit mma sites the day after events I have not seen. I need to stop doing that!

Response to Psychology Today Article About "Fat Shaming"

In a Psychology Today article entitled The #1 Worst Thing to Say to Your Fat Friend the author, Harriet Lerner, Ph.D discusses an article written by another writer, a woman named Natalie Kusz. Ms. Kusz is an overweight woman writing about "fat shaming" and in her article she talks about instances of shaming enacted upon her by strangers and she contends that, while they are certainly hurtful, the moments during which she feels the most shamed is "the well-intentioned disapproval of a friend--the one who leans a narrow hand on your arm and murmurs, “I hope this doesn't hurt your feelings, but I love you and I'm concerned about your weight." Both authors contend that this friend is acting in a harmful, rather than beneficial manner when they make such statements to their overweight friends (I wonder if they would feel this way if it was gambling/alcohol, etc rather than obesity being discussed).

Well, I strongly disagree with the contention made by both of these authors and what follows is the comment I submitted for publication on the site.

Basic Ninja Gaiden Tips

I LOVE Ninja Gaiden. LOVE IT. Any regular reader of mine is already acutely aware of this, and probably sick of hearing about the franchise on this blog. Well, those people can roll their eyes all they want but it's my blog and I will mention Ninja Gaiden as many times as I want. I am independent, defiant and need no audience.

Wait, come back!

Okay, okay, I won't mention Ninja Gaiden for a while after this, I promise.

So, for anyone who may be new to Ninja Gaiden and are finding themselves assaulted by insanity and wondering how the hell they are ever supposed to excel at the game, I have for you a few basic tips that you should be aware of. Just remember, this is Ninja Gaiden, not Devil May Cry, Bayonetta, Onimusha, God of War, etc. It is its own beast so be cognizant of that fact and treat it as such (not bashing any of those, btw.  love some of them, like others, blah blah. Ninja Gaiden is just in a league of its own in terms of both mechanics and difficulty).

The tips:

1) ALWAYS BLOCK. On the xbox, I basically hold the L trigger at all times. This should be your default position, and from there you can flick the stick to roll, initiate attacks, etc.

2) Use shurikens to interrupt enemy attacks, and also to cancel your own attacks (this becomes more natural with time....at first, use them for stuns). This will create windows for you within which you can initiate a pre-emptive attack.

3) X+A (or X and [] on the Playstation platform) will allow you to jump towards the nearest enemy. It is a tracking jump. Once you get near them, press A again to jump off of their heads. This stuns them and allows you to roll towards them and initiate a free attack.

4) Blocking reduces the damage taken from incendiary shurikens. If you time a dodge just as they explode, you completely negate the damage (due to the i-frames afforded you during an evasion) but before you get the timing for that down, at least make sure you're blocking when they blow up.

5) The center camera button is your friend. Use it often!

Good luck and again, remember that Ninja Gaiden requires a very different mindset and playstyle than does say DMC. You don't get openings, you create them. Enemies are not there for you to kill; they're there to kill you.

Muramasa Rebirth Review

Muramasa Rebirth Review

Muramasa Rebirth is an enhanced port of a 2009 Wii game entitled Muramasa: The Demon Blade which was an excellent 2D side scrolling action role playing game that starred 2 characters: the princess Momohime and Kisuke, a ninja with, wait for it…..amnesia! Yes, amnesia, that old video game trope (I’ll save you the hassle of searching for the story section of this review and just tell you right now that if you are playing this game for the story you’re barking up the wrong proverbial tree).

When you begin the game you are tasked with choosing one of two stories to play through. Momohime’s  or Kisuke’s. Depending upon which choice you make you’ll either be travelling east or west; if you choose Momohime you’ll play as a princess possessed by a vengeful spirit in search of 108 legendary demon blades. Choose Kisuke and you’ll play as a ninja with amnesia……in search of 108 legendary demon blades. The stories both evolve (some might say devolve) from there but frankly, I paid very little attention. What did get my attention, however, was both the audio/visual presentation and the gameplay. The game is simply gorgeous, the music is great and it plays like a dream.

The Urge To Smash Break and Destroy

NOTE: This is a post I had saved (but never published) and I decided to put it up now since I think it could be the catalyst for an interesting follow up/update since things in my life have changed rather significantly since I wrote this nearly three years ago. I will ruminate on things for a bit and if I believe a follow up is warranted I will write one, post it and link the two articles to one another. 

From time to time, I get the urge to break things. To vandalise. To destroy. I don't follow up on these impulses (although I admit that I did a couple of times when I was a kid/teenager, although nothing serious) but when I have them they are pretty strong.

I'm not sure why I have these inclinations. It may be related to the society in which I live, as it feels restrictive, and these feelings are a response to this? I dunno. Maybe there's some sort of biological reason? Like I am supressing my innate destructive 'manly' urges throughout my 21st century, 'cultured' 'modern' and 'civilized' lifestyle, and my inner caveman makes an attempt to break free every now and again, an attempt that manifests as an ure to tear down the social order, the 'establishment.'