The Explosions Look Like Pizza: A Mighty No. 9 Review

As you likely know, Mighty No. 9’s development has been controversial and tumultuous. The Kickstarter campaign was a success and fan enthusiasm was high. This was short lived, however, as delays, mixed messaging and awful trailers followed. And now, amidst further controversy, regarding some comments allegedly made by developers of this game, Mighty No. 9 has been released. And it's......you know.

 

The layout of the game is straightforward: There are eight levels, each of which is presided over by one of the “Mighty Numbers” (Robot Masters)- bosses whose abilities you (Beck) can absorb after defeating them. Do this and by the end you're putting together an ever growing list of skills in order to get through constantly evolving, tougher challenges. It's a tried and true formula for a reason: It works and it pushes, challenges and yet empowers the player.

As far as the level design goes, it’s standard stuff: tricky jumps, tight quarters, evolving enemy patterns. Clear, concise, constant difficulty progression. Rewards for exploration (with a few red herrings thrown in for good measure, a la Ninja Gaiden (NES)).

So far so good.

Gaming Conventions That Need to Go! Pt. 4

1) Invisible barriers. They just don't make any sense. Either design a real barrier, or get/design a better engine that isn't so restrictive.

2) Key cards. These should have went out 20 years ago.

3) Cliffhanger endings. These are evil. Especially in the cases where a sequel never even materializes. I think you should always tie up your story as best you could. Treat each game like a microchosm of the overall story.

4) Kidnapped girlfriends. Some of the best games ever made have this as a plot outline, but still, let it go already. Why not start kidnapping some grandfathers already?

5) Instruction Manuals in 2009......redundant much? Waste of resources? Almost every game now explains the story and controls/how to play in game.

6) Mashing a button to open a door. THIS IS NOT FUN. THIS IS NOT IMMERSIVE. It's stupid, boring, repetitive and ruins the pacing of the game. I blame God of War for this crap (that damn game popularized QTE's in general, damn (still awesome) game).

7) Scantily clad women. I'm sorry, but um....why are people turned on by digital characters that don't even look remotely realistic enough to pass for real people?

The End?

Well, readers, I am sad to say that this may very well be the last Gaming Conventions that must Die! Blog. So, barring any unforeseen flashes of genius, I believe this may very well be it. Don't cry. I'll try not to.

Thanks (yet again) for reading.

The Witcher 2 (Xbox 360): Real In-Game Footage

Gaming News I Did NOT Expect: New Neo Geo Portable!

http://andriasang.com/comzr4/neo_geo_pocket_2/

Yes, it's obviously designed by totally unimaginative Apple copycats, but who cares?

There are 20 games pre-loaded onto the 2GB of internal storage (an SD slot allows for expansion if desired):

• 1.WORLD HEROES
• 2.ULTIMETE 11
• 3.TOP PLAYER'S GOLF
• 4.SENGOKU
• 5.NAM-1975
• 6.MUTATION NATION
• 7.LAST RESORT
• 8.KING OF MONSTERS
• 9.FRENZY
• 10.CYBER LIP
• 11.FATAL FURY SPECIAL
• 12.ART OF FIGHTING
• 13.SUPER SIDEKICKS
• 14.LEAGUE BOWLING
• 15.METAL SLUG
• 16.MAGICAL LORD
• 17.BASEBALL STARS PROFESSIONAL
• 18.SAMURAI SHODOWN
• 19.KING OF FIGHTERS '94
• 20.FATAL FURY

It comes out ______ and is priced at _______

(Yes, that means no one yet knows)

No word yet as to whether or not other games will be available for purchase, if applications can be run, etc. 

Did YOU expect this news? I sure as hell didn't!

My Favourite Franchises are being Destroyed

Hear the latest news coming from the people behind the upcoming Resident Evil 6? They're after the Call of Duty market....Seriously:

http://www.computerandvideogames.com/332888/resident-evil-attracting-cod-fans-the-dream-says-capcom-action-route-makes-sense/

First I see that abomination of a trailer and I figure there is no hope left, but then Capcom decided to at least be nice and remove any possibility of me maintaining even the slimmest glimmer of hope by announcing that, nope, you're out of luck, and yes, Resident Evil is not what it once was, aka what you fans  MADE it to begin with.

And btw, Capcom, RE5 was the biggest selling RE game and the most action oriented, but that correlation is just that: a correlation. To infer a causal relationship between the two is fallacious, and when you FAIL to grab a significant portion of the COD fanbase's attention, hopefully you will re-examine your conclusion. Protip: Was it the only RE game simultaneously released on multiple platforms, both with huge install bases in the middle of a gaming explosion in the mainstream? Was it a game that followed a tremendous entry into the series? Don't many franchises grow with time?

Can I be sure that it [i]wasn't[/i] the action orientated nature of the game that drove sales? Nope. They can't be sure it was, though, and when you factor in things like it following RE4, being multiplatform on 2 very successful consoles, etc., one has to wonder if perhaps they are being a bit narrow in their thinking.

And as if this shit wasn't enough, this comes after the bastardization of Ninja fucking Gaiden of all things, PLUS the shooter-ification of Mass Effect, the whatever the fuck you call it they did to Devil May Cry (although I hold out some hope that one may still be good), the abomination that was Dragon Age 2, the rape of Rainbow Six (although the games are still great, for the most part), the pillaging of the spirit of Fable, and on and on.

Not to mention other people's favourites that have been ASSFUCKINGRAPEFUCKED like Splinter Cell, Ghost Recon, Hitman, Metroid, Silent Hill, etc.

This is a pretty fucking sad time to be an 'old school' gamer. Everything classic is being bastardized in favour of being "cinematic," and "accessible," and anything that was stealthy, strategic or required any fucking thought, effort, patience, time or conquering of difficulty has become a fucking joke, with hour long turorials, incredibly obvious exposition, HUD's made for toddlers (breadcrumb trails, really Molyneux?), and someone in your ear at ll fucking times, telling you what to do and where to go (even goddamn motherfucking RYU HAYABUSA has someone chirping in his ear in Ninja Gaiden 3....WHAT THE FUCK?).

ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT!!!  FUCK!!!!

/get off my lawn

Geometry Wars 2 Review

Geometry is Fun Again.....Again

Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2 is the sequel to the smash hit, Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved, which itself was an expanded version of a mini game found in the game Project Gotham Racing 2 on the original xbox.

Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2, just like its predecessor, is a 2D top down shooter, that is essentially a modernized version of Asteroids, without the warping and with dual stick controls added in. You move the ship with the left analog stick, and fire in the direction you point the right one in. Instead of flying saucers and asteroids, your ship shoots at enemies that take several different geometric shapes, are coloured differently, and behave in different ways. There are simple enemies like the blue diamonds that move towards your position in a non aggressive manner, or the purple pinwheels that spin about randomly, not attacking you but causing your demise if you inadvertently make contact with them. There are green squares that hone in on you, and cowardly move away once you turn to fire in their direction.

Rant on PR Speak (Sparked by comments by EA CEO RE: "Online Pass")

NOTE:  Major expletive filled rant here, so consider yourself forewarned. Also, please note that this was written quite some time ago, as you would have ascertained yourself. Just thought I'd fill you in. It's still relevant, but a couple of the things mentioned are now in the past. D'oh!                                                                                                                          

Gaming Conventions That Need to Go! Pt. 3

1) Hey, you made it!! It's been 12 hours, you finally get to fight the boss that has been eluding and tormenting you the whole time (likely after killing or kidnapping someone close to you). This should be AWESOME! You have all those fancy skills now..............oh wait. No no no. The boss is impervious to all but one of your attacks. Figure out which one it is and then spam it for 2 minutes to win. GOOD LUCK!

2) That mysterious voice that tells you where to go/what to do.......I don't see a headset or earpiece anywhere on my character....so how the hell am I hearing you exactly?

3) Unskippable dialogue. Man, when a game has bad dialogue, or you have already played through it and just want to get to the game, not being able to skip lengthy dialogue sucks, especailly if it's text and it displays slowly. Really bad when you die and reolad and have to sit through it all again.

4) Unskippable cutscenes. Same concept as unskippable dialogue. They suck when you just don't care about the story, or if you have seen it already and just want to get to the game. This, just like with the unskippable dialogue, is especially bad when you die and relad and have to sit through it all again.

5) AI temmates in shooters being able to do things I cannot; this even happens when I am supposed to be the leader of the sqaud and they are my subordinates. An example of what I mean is in some games , the AI can take cover, but the player cannot. This makes no sense, unless there's an explanation for it in the story....which there never is.

6) Escort missions. Enough said.

7) Timed missions. See above.

The End

Thanks for reading part 3 of this series.

Worst Video Game Sequels Of All Time

Worst Video Game Sequels Of All Time

There's nothing quite like the anticipation for a sequel to a truly remarkable game. Likewise, there's nothing quite like the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that occurs when one realizes that said sequel fucking sucks. This has happened to all gamers at some point in their gaming life, and to most of us, it has happened on multiple occasions over the years. The incidence rates of this horrific plague have likely decreased, and significantly at that, due to the rise to prominence of the internet and the boom of the video game journalism trade. Now, we're inundated with previews, footage, interviews, demos, and reviews, so it's a lot harder to get bitch slapped with a shit sequel. Not that it doesn't happen. Somehow, despite all of it, it's still possible to get rooked. Science knows I have, several times over.

My Dream Video Game Console

If I were to design the ideal video game console.....

If I were to design the ideal video game console.....it would have the following features:

Shinobi Announced for the 3DS 1st Footage!! And Info.

First Ninja Gaiden, and then Shinobi.....Nintendo really wants me to give in and get a 3DS, don't they?

Apart from the shitty art style and the fact that it's polygonal as opposed to hand drawn pixels, this looks promising.

Here's the gameplay trailer:



Here's what Russ Frushtick from MTV (I didn't know they had anything to do with game coverage, but w/e) had to say:

Ripoff Report: Volume 1

Ripoff Report: Volume 1

This is a new blog series in which I illuminate total and utter ripoffs in the world of downloadable content, aka DLC. The focus is on the bullshit that is DLC, on a game by game basis.

This week's game is:

Dante's Inferno

Gaming Conventions That Need to Go! Pt. 2

1) Ammo pickups.........who's leaving all this ammo behind? Hell, Robocop for xbox (HORRIBLE GAME) had ammo pickups....yet his gun is the only one of its kind in existence!

2) Nonsensical Puzzles: Hey, I'm a diabolical bad guy, and I'm being chased by the hero......what to do, what to do.....OH, I KNOW!!!! I'll hide this key to the door in a magical box that can only be opened when you put this picture that's been broken into 9 pieces back together. That'll slow him down! Of course, I could just hide/destroy the key...

Gaming Conventions That Need to Go! Pt. 1

This is the first of a series I will be doing in which I look at gaming trends/conventions/just little things in games that either don't make sense, are annoying, outdated, need to be done away with, or all of the above. Not all are big deals, some are very minor, so don't take this too seriously.

1) Dying in games. I was playing Dead Space, and what should have been a terrible moment (literally being ripped apart by a very fierce enemy) didn't really matter because I knew I'd be back 10 seconds later as though it didn't happen. I'm not sure what could take the place of deaths in games, but they just don't make any sense. You die dozens of times during the course of some games.....and it never really matters. Except in one game I can think of: Steel Battalion. In this game, if you die, your SAVE GAME GETS ERASED.

2) Pressing start at the title screen. Um, why? Flash the title then go to the menu or have the title imposed on the menu screen. Not a big deal just makes me chuckle.Especially when some games literally force you to press the START button. The A button won't even work.

3) QTE's. Hey, you just worked hard to get to this awesome looking boss. You could use the skills you have learned to take it out in some epic fashion......OOORRRR you could play Simon Says and see you kick it's ass out of the corner of your eye while you pay attention to the button prompts.

4) Exploding barrels everywhere. Hey guys, we're hding out here where the good guys are coming with guns and grenades. We should stock this place with explosive barrels, and stand near them!

DUR, OKAY!

And finally:

5) Locked doors. Let's see, I have a chainsaw, grenades, a rocket launcher, and an assault rifle....but I think I'll find the long way around........WHY NOT BLOW THE DAMN DOOR DOWN!

Alright, that's it for now. Stay tuned for more to come.

IGN's Top 25 Xbox 360 Games is BULLSHIT

IGN's Top 25 Xbox 360 GamesList : http://xbox360.ign.com/articles/104/1045042p2.html

Back in April, IGN listed their top 25 Xbox 360 games. I missed this article, which is not surprising since I hardly ever visit IGN anymore, but happened to catch it today, and I would like to rant about it but before I do so, here are the games they selected, followed by the review score (in brackets) given them by IGN:\

The Gaming Community Is an Embarrassment.

The Gaming Community Is an Embarrassment.

The gaming community, of which I self identify, is quite often an embarrassment to me. The fact that the word “troll” exists is one piece of evidence I have to support this. Another is the fact that several major gaming boards have had to ban versus (vs.) threads/topics.

Think about that for a second....

A user on a message board/forum of which the subject is video games and video game systems cannot post a topic about one game, or one console, being superior to another. In a community that is primarily made up of people between the ages of 15 and 35. What. The. Fuck. Is. That. Shit? People are so sensitive, so defensive, so emotive, so reactionary, so immature, so.....fucking retarded, that the playground monitors needed to outright ban topics like “Saint's Row is better than GTA...Agree or Disagree?” because for some reason, such a topic causes some people to go into a spasmodic, blind rage.

List of Things Wrong with Gaming.

I stated in a Previous Blog that I was going to blog about some things I really dislike about the current state of the video games' industry. Well, in that blog, entitled "Magazine writer fired after dustup with Rockstar PR and Capcom Milking Street Fighter IV even MORE!" I discussed the recent firing of a journalist who had published on his facebook page a letter from Rockstar games to his office. What exactly was in that letter? Well, read my previous blog to get the full details, but basically, the guys from Rockstar wanted this particular journalist known for his tough analyses to go easy on the game and treat it with reverence, basically.

Yes, Rockstar is telling journalists how to do their job. What to write and how to write it. What's the implication here? What are they saying, if you read between the lines? You better play ball, if you know what's good for you. You see, if they don't play ball (which they will, I am sure, now that Mr. Honesty has been canned.....is anyone else reminded of the Jeff Gerstmann Incident? ) they lose ad revenue. They lose ad revenue, they lose....well, revenue.

You get the point. Money talks, sister.   

Rant on DLC, Pre-Order Bonuses, Corporations, Consumerism, etc

Please note: This is an older post that has been sitting in draft form for some time.

This is just going to be a rambling, perhaps slughtly incoherent rant. Just go with it. Or don't, see if I care!

.....No, please, come back!! I need you! Please don't go.

*pets you*

Ok, to the rant we go.

HUGE GAMING RANT! RIGHTEOUS ANGER AHEAD!

NOTE: This blog is a long and expletive filled rant. It is a sequel to my last rant, Rant on PR Speak (Sparked by comments by EA CEO RE: "Online Pass"). Turn back now if you cannot handle a lot of cursing and righteous anger!

Also note that it's an older one that has been sitting in draft form for a few months now.

Still here? Great, let us begin.

My Gaming History Pt. 6

This blog series is going to be a look back through time as I recall my 20+ gaming “career,” if you will. I'll take you through the ups and downs, the trials, tribulations and the triumphs. The sleepless nights, the gorging on pizza, the tournaments, the competition, the fights. The friends made over gaming, and the friends lost ov-no wait, I can honestly say that I have never lost a friend because of gaming. That would be rather pathetic, would it not?

Part Six (Part 1 can be found HERE; Part 2 HERE; Part 3 HERE; Part 4 HERE; Part 5 HERE)