Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I'm now a Youtube Atheist,

Well, I Made my foray Into the 'Youtube Atheism' thing, for better or for worse...

With Tears in my Eyes and a Hard-on in my Pants.

So I finally get a reprieve and start feeling better (been sick lately), and I also happen to have a bit of time on my hands. What to do, what to do......Well, I could go for some video game time. Get some time in with my xbox 360......oh, but I fogot I have an errand to run....hmmm, perhaps I can rent a game while I am out......

So, I go to blockbuster to rent Raiden IV for the xbox 360, since I've been wanting to play it, and my wife was clearly done with Magna Carta 2, since you know, it's been sitting there for 2 months (rental pan) unplayed and crying itself to sleep each night as it tries to console itself with the lie that tomorrow will be the day, so just hang in there......


Anyways, I return it and head over to the 360 shelf, where I grab Raiden IV from its dusty and desolate place on the shelf, right in between all the other games that people actually rent. I dry its tears as I whisper sweet nothings in its ear, and turn to head towards the front desk. And that's when I see it.

The bargain bin.

NO!! I remind myself. NO! Amanda's on maternity lea-

wait a minute........no she's not. Not any longer. She's back to work.

but that means.....

HOLY MOSES OF ISRAEL I CAN BUY SHIT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I wipe MY tears this time, wait until my erection subsides (hid it behind the Raiden IV case, which I am sure must have felt good for it, after being alone for so long, but I digress) and skip over to the bargain bin to see what's what.

I end up grabbing 5 games for 30 dollars. Yay! Here's what I bought, and why:

Wartech: Senko no Ronde


Why: Reminds me of Psychic Force 2012 and it was $5.

The Watchmen: The End is Nigh Parts 1 and 2


Why: Demo was okay, 2 games for $15, and I looooooooove beat em ups, so I'll get some fun out of it.

Marvel Ultimate Alliance


Why: Played before, was decent, and it was $5.

Armored Core 4


Why: Mechs, blow shit up, and it was $5.

Oh, and this is Raiden IV, you n00bs:

Monday, February 15, 2010

Perfect Dark XBLA Remake Imminent (Footage!)



Due out in March, for a (rumoured) measly 10 dollars (800 MS points)! All I can say is, Perfect.

....Pardon the poor pun. But I'm really quite excited. Perfect Dark was a seminal console shooter, and they seem to have kept everything intact while improving on it in several key ways. I'm stoked.

Avatar Leads to Misanthropy

Avatar also leads to sore glutes, nostalgia for a time and place in which one never actually existed, irreparable harm to one's stodgy jadedness, attraction to 60 year old women, and teenage smoking.

It also spawned a horrible porn series called Avatart!

Or didn't it? If it did not, it certainly should. Quality cinema there. Right up there with The Sopornos.

Btw, I enjoyed this movie enough to see it a second time. My answer to the question ''Was it good for you?'' was a resounding ''One more time!'' Cameron's next steak is on me, I suppose ;)

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Bejeweled 2 Deluxe XBLA Review

Bedazzled



Bejeweled 2 Deluxe was released in 2005 for the xbox 360. It's a sequel to the hit puzzle game Bejeweled. The concept of Bejeweled, as is the case with most puzzle games, is really quite simple. There is a board filled with gems, or jewels, of various shapes and sizes, and your goal is to swap places, two gems at a time, in order to cause three or more of the same kind of gems to line up. This results in them disappearing from the board, only to be replaced by the same number of a random selection of gems. Also as is the case with most other puzzle games, this simplicity is deceptive, as there are various strategies to be employed en route to clearing the requisite number of moves in order to progress. At least, this is the case for some of the modes. The end goal changes depending on which of the several game modes you are playing. We'll come to this momentarily, however. I'd like to describe the basic gameplay in just a little more detail before we get to the game modes.

There are seven main types of gems: the red square, the green circle, the yellow diamond, the white circle, the orange hexagon, the blue rounded (Reuleaux) triangle, and the purple triangle. When four of these are matched, a Power Gem is created. These are special versions of the regular pieces that explode when matched with other gems, destroying the surrounding pieces. When five gems are matched, a Hypercube is created. These special pieces destroy all of the gems of a given variety on the field when matched with one of that variety. For example, matching it with a purple triangle results in all of the available purple triangles being destroyed. These Power Gems and Hypercubes become focal points of the gameplay, as they play heavily into the strategies employed in the game.


As alluded to earlier, there are several game modes found within Bejeweled 2 Deluxe. There are nine modes, to be exact. The standard mode is as described above. The Action mode is a timed version of the standard mode. Puzzle Mode is a mode in which you are presented with various puzzles which need to be solved by matching specific gems in a certain order, thereby clearing the board. Another mode available in the game is the Endless mode, which is comprised of a series of levels, which increase in length as you get farther in. The hook in this mode is that you can never lose, hence the title 'Endless Mode.' Unlike in the regular modes, you will never get the dreaded no more moves text popup, which signifies a game over. The rest of the modes are hidden, and are up to the player to discover.

Visually, the game is pleasing to the eye, especially in high definition. Nothing ground breaking, but it's a nice clean, simple look, with sharp detail and beautiful backgrounds. The gems have a shine to them which catches the eye.

The game, like many other in the genre, is seemingly innocuous at first, but gets devilishly harder as time progresses, and if it grabs you, will hook you in for many, many hours. The developers tried to play to this with the achievements, which are very, very difficult to attain and almost incomprehensibly time consuming for the most part. The one for reaching level 280 in Endless mode, for example, will take about 100 hours to complete. Then you add in the 10000 power gems/1000 hypercubes achievement, and you have yourself a lot of gameplay ahead of you, if so inclined.

As far as negatives go, there are but a few. It's not incredibly complex, but that seems to work to its advantage. There's just enough depth to keep you interested, while at the same time remaining simplistic enough to be accessible and fun. However, this lack of depth may be seen as a downside to some gamers. Another possible downside is that there is no multiplayer. This is a single player only affair. The game design is not one that strikes me as particularly conducive to multiplayer, but some people may feel otherwise.

This is a good game that will appeal to most puzzle game fans, save for those few who require vast amounts of depth in their puzzle games. Other than that group, this will be a good purchase, and at 10 dollars, it's a good value, especially considering the gameplay hours you can squeeze from it. It's the type of game that's good for those times where you don't want to play anything too engaging, but rather, just sort of zone out and play something that will help you unwind after a long day. And if you're an achievement hunter, you've got your work cut out for you.

Overall Score: 8.5/10

Friday, February 12, 2010

My Attempt To Return Vampires to Glory. Pt. 2

PLEASE NOTE: You should, before reading this, definitely read PART ONE if you already have not. I strongly recommend doing so. It will only take you a few minutes, and will greatly enhance the 'experience,' if you will, of reading this one. Thanks, and enjoy!

It's a sad time to be a fan of vampire lore. They started off so well. From Bram Stoker to Anne Rice, vampires have become entrenched in our consciousness, and for good reason. Terrifying yet alluring, these creatures who roam by night and sleep by day strike both fear and curiosity into those who encounter them.

But now......

Now Hollywood has taken vampires and comepletely ruined them. Vampires to not go to school. They do not engage in teen romaces. The certainly do not glitter in the sunlight!

Vampires should be nasty creatures who can put on a veneer of civility if it suits them. They are essentially undead psychopaths. There have been varying iterations of these creatures throughout the years, sarting with Bram Stoker's vision of a refined gentleman living in a gothic castle who harbored a......nasty little secret, and unfortunately culminating in the affront to the horror genre we see today:


Really, what the hell is that?

My personal idea of what vampires should be is a cross between Stoker's original vision and the nasty, viscious creatures seen in the movie 30 Days of Night:



Now THAT'S a Vampire!

And so, with this in mind, I bring you a second excerpt from my entry into last years' 3 Day Novel contest. The entry is a short novel, written in 3 days, as per the rules, so it's definitely a bit rough around the edges, but I believe it turned out rather well for a 3 day marathon effort. So, without further ado, I give you excerpt #2 from Hunter's Bluff, my attempt to return vampires to the state to which they rightfully belong, while at the same time hopefully injecting some new ideas.

(Enjoy, and feel free to offer any criticisms you may have.)

In the house, Amanda rolled over in her sleep. Andrew and Sam were just reaching the top of the stairs. Eyes moving in all directions, breathing rapidly, they stopped, listening. Again, they heard nothing. They reached the top of the stairs. Sam looked left, and Andrew went right. Sam began to think he may have imagined the sound after all, when Andrew gave a yell. Startled, he turned quickly around, instinctively raising the knife over his head, his grip on it so tight that his knuckles were turning white.

Andrew was looking at the door at the right end of the hall, mouth agape. Sam followed his gaze and he too dropped his lower jaw. The door in question was at the very end of the hall, and it led upwards, into the attic. It was also slightly ajar. Both of them thought this very odd, as they had searched the entire house upon entering it, before settling in the kitchen, and the attic door had not been open then. They hadn't bothered to enter it, since they'd thought of no reason to do so. But they knew for sure that the door was not open when they had been upstairs earlier.

There's someone in there, Andrew thought.

Something's in there. But what? Sam.

They looked at each other, unsure of what to do. They stood silent, eyes never leaving the door that led to the attic. They had no idea what to expect. There were no sounds coming from the attic. The door was still, not opening further, nor slamming shut. No hand reached out to beckon them in.

Nothing. Totally silent, motionless. The door hung ever so slightly agape, binding them to the spots in which they currently stood. Immobilizing and perplexing them.

Daring them to enter.

Sam was the first to move. With the knife still held above his head, he stepped around Andrew and dared to take three steps towards the attic, and then froze, waiting for something, anything to happen, some sort of indication as to whether or not the attic was actually occupied. A few dozen seconds passed, and nothing happened. He turned to Andrew and whispered.

“Maybe the door is just loose.”

At this, Andrew felt some of the fear dissipate. He immediately agreed with this proposition. Whether it was because it seemed the likeliest or because it served to alleviate fear and take his mind off of some alternatives, he did not know. Just to prove that this was the explanation, he approached the attic door and reached up to close it. And that was when he smelled it. Something metallic.

Coppery.

Blood. He stepped back from the door and turned to Sam.

“What is it, what, what?” Sam couldn't take it anymore. His fight/flight response had been triggered for and he was ready to just pick one course of action and commit to it.

Andrew looked at him, his eyes wide with fear. “Blood,” he whispered, “I smell blood.” He stammered. “I-I don't under-,” he shook his head, as if to clear his thoughts. “Let's go, NOW!” He rushed down the hall, towards the stairs. As he neared Sam, Sam grabbed his arm and stopped him.

“Just wait a second, there might be someone in there that needs help.” He wasn't sure what was up there, but he know that it was possible there was someone up there that needed assistance, and he was not going to abandon them if he could help it. He also knew Andrew would feel the same, it was just that he was overcome with fear. Sam himself was terrified, but he also knew that the possibility that some crazed killer was hiding in the attic of the house just biding his or her time waiting for someone to walk up there was pretty outlandish.

Ah, but it's possible, his mind interjected.

He pushed away the thought. “Wait here.” Gripping the knife as tightly as possible, he approached the attic door, and slowly, slowly, reached an arm up to grab hold of its bottom. It was an old style one with a ladder attached to it. He hesitated with his hand on it. He counted to five.

So far so good.

He pulled the door all the way down and slid down the ladder, trying to be as quiet as possible. Both he and Andrew winced at the sound it made hitting the floor. Again he counted silently to five.

And again, nothing. No sound, no movement, no crazed killers' face or groping hand with an iron grip.

Sam began to ascend the stairs.

----------------------------------------------

Outside, Gideon froze. He had heard something. A yell, coming from somewhere close by. It was faint, coming from inside somewhere and probably not very loud, but for him, it was perceptible. Faint, and although he wasn't able to zero in on its location, he knew he'd definitely heard something, and it came from somewhere close by.

And it was human.

A feeling of triumphant vindication and excitement rose up within the ancient creature. Even after hundreds of years, the thrill of the hunt still appealed to him, still aroused the senses. And now, in his current state of hunger, how fortuitous that a human, no, more than one human, should suddenly materialize in his little corner of the world? He had been correct, the other human had not been alone.

Such predictable little gnats they were. To think he himself once had been a member of their ranks. The thought was nauseating. Humans were stupid, despicable, scurrying, worthless creatures. But they were tasty.

Oh yes. And he shall have that taste again, and soon. It had been a long time prior to this evening. He had gone hungry for human flesh and blood for some time, and what he'd had this so far this evening was but a taste. He'd survived for nearly two months on the wildlife in the surrounding area. Whatever little creatures he could catch. They provided enough sustenance to sustain life, but it wasn't enough. He'd been hungry, and he hadn't enjoyed a hearty meal in quite some time.

But now, he had stumbled upon a veritable feast of flesh. He wasn't naive enough to believe that there was some being out there, looking out for him, and making provisions, but in this moment, he could understand why the stupid humans fooled themselves with such pitiful and petty indulgences of thought.

He started to head in the general direction from which the sound had originated.

EDIT: Here's PART THREE

Article about someone leaving the JW Cult

An article entitled ''The knock at the door that turned my parents into brainwashed fanatics - and nearly cost my life'' was published yesterday on dailymail.co.uk. It details a woman's struggles with a JW family, and what happened to her when she ultimately left.


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1250078/The-knock-door-turned-parents-brainwashed-fanatics--nearly-cost-life.html

Small excerpt:

Jehovah's Witnesses believe that blood is sacred and that accepting a transfusion - which is likely during many operations - is a sin. Frightened and in pain, I was told by the doctors that I was in grave danger if I refused a transfusion.

The anaesthetist, clearly agitated and upset, even said to me: 'Do you realise you are going to die and leave your babies without a mother?'


Before I could protest, Dennis, an elder I had known for a few years, was at my bedside. He was in his 70s and from a Brighton congregation - all Jehovah's Witness elders are males. I genuinely thought: 'Dennis is coming to help', yet here he was clutching a form stating I would refuse a transfusion and telling me to sign.


I glanced over at my parents and my husband Bob, hoping they would say something, but they stood by obediently, saying nothing while the elders took over.


It still hurts to think we were all so brainwashed that they could have stood by and watched me and my babies die.


I was in absolute turmoil. I knew that if I didn't sign the forms I would be banished from the movement and from everyone I loved and would be left without the support of my family.


I didn't want to die, but Dennis simply stood there, pen reaching out to me and I knew what I had to do. I signed.

Read the article, and then post your comments here. The only thing I can say is that I know someone who went through a similar experience, and to this day she struggles with guilt. This guilt has persisted for decades. You see, her daughter was dying and she ultimately relented and allowed her to get a blood transfusion, and this set the stage for her being segregated from the rest of the JW community.

Her own husband chastized her for it. He had been pushing for her not to, saying that if their daughter was to die, that was 'God's Will.' They ended up divorcing, and she is no longer with the JW organization, but still stuggles with the guilt and constantly worries about hell.

It's a pretty sad state of affairs.