Monday, July 12, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
God probably got rid of the fossils of those evil giants & the rest of the people that didn't listen to Noah's warning.
But nothing is impossible to God, he can do anything he wants with all his power & wisdom even on specific situations.
Everything needs a start & process in order to appear & continue operating (with the exception of Jehovah cause he always existed and is the Almighty
It wasn't magic it was power. God doesn't use magic.
things that exist in the whole universe. That's all the evidence we need as Christians.
But when was the last time that you read about mankind's extinction caused by volcanoes?
God shrunk all the animals
In response to "So every single human being on the planet sinned enough to deserve eradication? Even infants, small children who haven't done anything whatsoever? Wow, that's one benevolent god!":
Yes. The small children were too busy being sacrificed, raped, or traumatized to do much sinning, though. They would have grown up to be horrible.
(man, the lengths these guys will go. The cognitive dissonance must give them migraines at times)
And now, amidst all of this rampant idiocy and hilarity, I close this particular edition (oh ya, more are coming. PLENTY more, actually. I have so much material just from the same topic.....yes, all of these in this edition were from 1 single forum thread) with this absolute doozy. Is it the worst of the worst? You decide. Like Faux News says, We report, YOU decide. Although, I must draw a line of differentiation between myself and Faux News, as the following statement is not misquoted or misrepresented in any way. Here goes nothing:
Someone made this statement (still talking about the Noah's Ark story): You are also aware, that 2 animals are not enough to start a race, right? It would led to horrific genetic deformities over the generations- no one species can start from just 2 animals. And the response from some moron:
How do you know that those species needed either salty or fresh water?
Since "evolution is a fact", if the salinity of water back then was less than it is now, the fish in the water back then were able to survive in it, otherwise we wouldn't have any fish today.
There's a reason the story is called NOAH'S ark. It's because it's about Noah and his ark. It's not even about plants or aquatic creatures. If God took care of 8 people and some animals, what makes you think he didn't take care of the aquatic life and plants?
Well, I'm sure God found a way to do it. Nothing is impossible for him.
Water produces oxygen & hydrogen. Enough to breath and help them to survive as well.
That's where faith comes into play. It does stand to reason that the deformities wouldn't have been all that bad, considering the planet was only...two thousand years old or something.
WOW. Just fucking WOW.
Oh, and here's a pic to sum up this awesome forum topic (which is going to provide comedy gold for a few more blogs, amazongly):
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
That aside, enjoy!
Dear Mr. Minister,
I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have on my social insurance card, and it is on all the income tax forms I’ve filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver’s license, on the last eight goddamn passports I’ve had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I’ve had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother’s name is Maryanne, my father’s name is Robert and I’d be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!
I apologize, Mr. Minister. I’m really pissed off this morning. Between you an’ me, I’ve had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my fuckin’ address. What is going on? You have a gang of Neanderthals assholes workin’ there?
Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don’t want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach.
And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I’d sure as hell not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, ’cause I have to go to the other end of the city and get another fuckin’ copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60 !!!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??
Nooooo, that’d be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You’d rather have us running all over the fuckin’ place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some asshole to confirm that it’s really me on the goddamn picture – you know, the one where we’re not allowed to smile?!
Hey, you know why we can’t smile? We’re totally pissed off!
Signed – An Irate fucking Canadian Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it’s me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 when one of my forefathers took up arms against the Americans. I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had security clearances up the yingyang.
I was aide de camp to the lieutenant governor of our province for ten years and I have been doing volunteer work for the RCMP for about five years.
However, I have to get someone ‘important’ to verify who I am – you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST fucking CHINA!!!
Hamilton, Ontario Canada
End of Letter
Well, that's it. I hover between real and fake as I read that, but the bit at the end does lend it a bit of an air of truth. Either way, it's pretty damn funny, and you can't help but feel that tinge of YA! as you read it. Striking back at 'The Man' in any small way, and really saying exactly what's on your mind for once.....that's all satisfying stuff, and I experience some vicarious joy thanks to this, especially now, as I am actually currently in the middle of the bullshit passport application stuff. I could be missing something here, but I don't see hwo a passport ensures any extra marginal safety. The requirements boil down to having:
1) A birth certificate.
2) A piece of I.D.
3) A photo.
4) A couple of aquaintances.
5) A friend.
Guess what? I have that shit with me when I'm travelling anyways. Instead of spending $87 plus $15 for photos (oh, and $9 for scanning my license at fucking Staples) and wasting a bunch of time, I could just show them my photo I.D., birth certificate, and have my friend vouch for me right at the border. And if you think that a terrorist couldn't produce such things, you're living in a dream world.
Unless I am missing something, and I might be (someone let me know), all that the passport business does is inconvenience Joe Average and bring in some extra revenue for the Federal Government. I don't think this provides much of a barrier for the 'bad guys' to get through. Yet another false sense of security, nonsensical overreactionand a money grab. At least, from my admittedly layman's pov.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Okay, so the blog. Brilliantly Stupid And/Or Ironic Youtube Quotes sent my way by people trying to insult/own/'pwn'/denigrate/disparage or otherwise hurt me for whatever reason.
you are a beginner and I dont expect you to understand more complex intricacys that you'll miss
now...who is the dumby?
Also, those video clips you have are blasphemous and you should really take them down and repent before it's too late.
P.S. Your a fucking hippie. Wanna be friends?And the absolute best thus far:
i am an extra terrestrial, i come to earth to save mankind, i am appalled at the state of mankind and i am asking, no i am DEMANDING that you denounce your ways, and watch my video (it is my featured channel video, broadcasted from my craft) and you devote your lives to God
Creationism is a widely believed theory along with evolution. Not allowing it in discussions is wrong especially since many kids at that point would already believe it to be true.
Sarah Palin? She's not too bad. Probably not President material but she could be a Senator. She too is a victim of rabid attacks by the left as well.
so you don't like Palin I take it.
That's called God of the Gaps: "We don't know what happened, so God must have done it."
But what I'm doing is this: "Scientists don't know what happened from a naturalistic point of view, so here's an explanation that completely works and makes sense
atheists are more irrational than devout religious believers
He asked God what he could do better to serve him, and God literally said "You can preach," out loud
The God of the Bible wasn't invented to explain any natural phenomenon.
In response to: What happens when cosmology has an excellent, viable model for the origins of the universe(s). Then what?: Outside of the Big Bang, I don't anticipate this occurring.positing a creator is not only the only reasonable option available, it is better than merely positing a non answer, or a wild conjecture about multiverses. Not taking a stand on an issue as important as this is sheer folly.
Jesus Christ, was that last one an exercise in doublethink, or what?
Islam is a religion of peace. It is something of beauty and Truth, not ugliness like apostasy and your dirty Atheism. I don't appreciate the content of your video, and if you were in front of me in person, I would do as I am commanded and strike you down for Allah. No one gets to spit in the face of Allah and Muhammad (s.a.w.) without retribution. You are taking advantage of the fact that we cannot get to you in person. At least, not yet. Keep insulting my beautiful and peaceful religion, and you might face judgement sooner than you smugly think, you disgusting atheist.
Peace be upon you.
EDIT: Part Two now available
Monday, April 26, 2010
Also, my next blog post (or perhaps a post or two will come before it, but it's definitey upcoming!) will be a defence of the Anthropic Principle. See you then, Sephiroth ;)
Thursday, February 4, 2010
So, for the first edition, we're going to start it off with a BANG, as I have secured an interview with the ever present, beloved mascot of video gaming, Mario!
So, without further ado, let's get the the questions, shall we?
Editor's Note: This interview contains much foul language. Reader discretion is advised. This is no joke.
magx: So, Mario, before we begin, I just want to thank you for taking the time to speak with me today. I'm going to try and maintain a calm, neutral demeanor, but I mean.....wow, you're freaking Mario, man! [pause] Okay, okay. I'm collected. So, yes, thanks for sitting down with me today.
Mario: It's a me, Mario!
magx: Yes, but actually, as we spoke about, this series of interviews has the cha-
Mario: That's a so nice!
magx: Uh......Mario? We're actually looking for an out of character interview here. So please, if you would kindly drop character, as much as we love it, we'd be much obliged.
Andrew Dice Clay: Ah, fuck, finally. That's a fuckin relief, you know what I mean.
magx: Uh.....you're.......Andrew Dice Clay?!
Andrew Dice Clay: You're fuckin surprised? What the fuck, I thought it was obvious? Where'd you think I'd been all these years?
Editor's Note: For those unfamiliar with Andrew Dice Clay, see the following video:
It's a minute or so long clip of Mr. Clay (sorry, Diceman) on CNN, telling off the reporter. His comedy routines can also be seen on youtube. To sum up his act, it's very vulgar, misogynistic, racist, and all around raucous.
magx: [long pause] Well, okay.....ahem....Alright, so I guess we'll get started. So, Mr. Cla-
Andrew Dice Clay: Andrew, please, or Diceman, none of this Mr. shit, you know what I mean? [he pauses to light up a cigarette]
magx: Okay, sorry about that, Andrew. So, please, explain how you went from the comedy stage, selling out Madison Square Garden, to playing perhaps the most beloved character in all of video gaming?
Andrew Dice Clay: Well, that's pretty easy. I was backstage after a show, getting my dick sucked, you know, I mean, this chick was really working my shit, you know? So I blow in her hair, and as I'm lighting up a cigarette, I hear this little voice. I look up, and there's this little Jappy yappy in front of me, you know, like 4 foot 2, and he's got a translator with him, and next thing I know, he's offering me this gig.
magx: So, you decided right on the spot?
Andrew Dice Clay: Well, ya, you know, I mean, I was still the best fucking comedian who ever lived, but my numbers maybe weren't like they were a few years before, you know? And I got this guy offering me a long term deal, big money, and all I gotta do is rescue some fucking mopy idiot from a fire breathing piece of shit once every couple of years? And along the way I get to do mushrooms, and jump on stupid fuckin turtles, which is great, because I hate stupid fucking turtles. I mean, who the fuck invented those useless, slow pieces of shit? I fuckin sat there for thirty minutes once, watching this big dumbass turtle fuck walk from one end of my bathroom to the other. Thirty fucking minutes? I drowned him in the toilet, just for being so fucking stupid.
magx: [pause] Well.....I don't know if I would have drowned him......
Andrew Dice Clay: What are, you some kind of liberal pussyfuck? Oh, save the turtles? They're life too? Fuck that.
magx: ….....Okay, okay, well, let's get this back on track. So, Mr. Miyamoto offers you the role of Mario, and you take it. Now what?
Andrew Dice Clay: Well, I started out in some shitty games, donkey kong, and shit, hell, I was even called Jumpman at first. Then, in '83, I get this retard brother and we have to save New Yor City from these little fucks running around the sewer. At this point, I'm wondering what the fuck I'm doin, here, you know? Like, I'm ready to stomp that little Jappy yappy into the ground, money or no money. Fuck this shit.
magx: But then Super Mario Bros. happened.
Andrew Dice Clay: Ya, suddenly, I'm running free through these trippy world, doing shrooms and shit, rescuing this fucking broad, who doesn't even give me any by the way, so I have to take it later on, you know what I mean? She wanted to quit the first time, and go to the cops, but I set that bitch straight. So, anyways, there was the piece of shit second game, but then the third one was awesome. I mean, I'm traveling all over the place, I'm on airships, I'm so high everything looks like it's gigantic in the one place, I mean I'm just tripping out, you know? [pauses to light another cigarette] This is a pretty good gig.
magx: And then you get a dinosaur.
Andrew Dice Clay: And then I get a dinosaur. You know how much the broads love that fuckin tongue? I mean, I was getting pussy before, but now? Fuggedaboutit! Even that frigid bitch couldn't refuse anymore, at least, not behind the scenes. Sure, in the games, she's still little miss innocent, making me cake in Super Mario 64, but you know what happened backstage? I ate that cake off her tits and she did a line of coke off my balls, and then I used that dinosaurs tongue on her for three hours. It was fuckin beautiful, I mean, I'm having the time of my life, you know what I mean?
magx:Ya....it sounds like it, although I have to say, a lot of my childhood illusions are being shattered here.
Andrew Dice Clay: Hey, everybody has to grow up sometime, you know?
magx: True enough. So, tell me, what's your favourite Mario game?
Andrew Dice Clay: Super Mario Sunshine was a lot of fun. I loved playing with my hose.
magx: [pause] Of course. So, anything you want to say to the fans before we end this......rather.....illuminating interview?
Andrew Dice Clay:Ya, go fuck yourself.
magx: Great. Well, thanks for the interview, and we hope to see yo-well, Mario, soon.
[End of Interview]
Well, there it is. For better or for worse, that's the real Mario, folks. I think I am going to need some time to digest it all. I mean, that was one of my childhood heroes, and to know that, this whole time, it was really Andrew Dice Clay behind that smiling face.......I don't know. I think this Mario fan is disappointed. Be sure to let us know how you feel in the comment section.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friends of mine made this for a college advertising course. It's from the same mind that brought you this:
These dudes are comedic geniuses. When you see them on television, remember, I knew them first!
....It was extended for a week after you....apolog-?
Yes indeed. Before I explain how it was extended, here's the offending post (well, there were several, but this was the catalyst):
(Click to expand/zoom in):
So apparently, you can't call people terrorists on gametrailers. Especially Islamic guys who are in the process of defending Islamic extremist views (yes, he defends, escuses and downplays Islamic extremist viewpoints.
Some example of his behaviour, just from today:
(Click to expand/zoom in):
(Click to expand/zoom in):
They get worse. This guy has some real classics, but I can't be arsed to dig for them now. I did have an exchange with him on this same day though, and can give you one example from that particular discussion (if you can call it that).
It was a discussion regarding the so called end of the world in 2012. This fine gentleman posited that:
no human will ever know the end of the world.
To which i replied:
And you know this, how, exactly? What if there were a huge asteroid headed to earth, and we didn't have the means to avoid catastrophe?
He then said this:
if you think humans will know the exact time of the end of the world, then by all means go ahead im not stopping you.
We'll be able to predict the suns' demise, won't we?
predict=guess thats no good. i originally said no human will ever know the endof time, as in, when is it exactly gonna happen. like i said before, by all means go ahead and keep 'predicting' it.
Predict doesn't have to mean guess. A mathematical prediction is basically fact if it's repeatable and based on solid information. The end of the suns' lifecycle may fall into just such a thing.
you honestly think scientists will know the exact time of the sun's demise? really? seriously, go ahead man im not stopping you lol
To which I responded:
Earth's fate is precarious. As a red giant, the Sun will have a maximum radius beyond the Earth's current orbit, 250 times the present radius of the Sun. However, by the time it is an asymptotic giant branch star, the Sun will have lost roughly 30% of its present mass due to a stellar wind, so the orbits of the planets will move outward. If it were only for this, Earth would probably be spared, but new research suggests that Earth will be swallowed by the Sun owing to tidal interactions. Even if Earth would escape incineration in the Sun, still all its water will be boiled away and most of its atmosphere would escape into space.
You were saying?
The rest is in this pic:
(Click to expand/zoom in): (read the text from top to bottom, it's a quote pyramid and it may look confusing, but just read it as a standard convo, from top to bottom, starting with him saying ''that's only explaining''....
What a fine speciemnt he is. As you can see, you can't converse with this guy, and everytime Islam comes up, he gets extra irrational. Well, I was tired of dealing with him, and he happened to catch me on a rare bad day, and so I screwed with him.
Anyways, so I get a message saying I have been banned for 3 days. No surprise there. I actually expected a permanent ban. I message the moderator, and this is what goes down:
magx01 said: Totally deserved it. I was being a jackass, but truth be told, I need the break.
I'll resume my normal demeanor once reinstated.
ZippingMeteor said: Your ban from 2010-01-29 has been updated for the following reason: So you think they deserved to be called a terrorist. Now the ban's a week.
magx01 said: What? I said I deserved it!
ME, I deserved the ban.
ZippingMeteor said: You said you were telling the truth when you called him a terrorist.
magx01 said: No, I did not. Show me where.
ZippingMeteor said: Ok, I'll admit that the second part was misread but the first isn't clear. You could have meant either user because you didn't put a topic in the sentence.
Not that it matters. You still broke one of the most serious rules on the site multiple times. Breaking that rule has always resulted in a permanent ban on sight. Even if we don't feel a perma is appropriate, a three day ban is far too kind for breaking that rule even once, let alone multiple times. I'm not making the ban any shorter.
magx01 said: I clearly said I was being a jackass.
You increased the length of the ban due to 2 misreadings on your part. I clearly calle dmyself a jackass, said I needed the break anyways, and promised to resume my normal beahviour upon my return.
Nothing in any of that is me saying anything about him. So I message you to admit fault, you misread it, punish me for apologiazing, and now refuse to revert back to the original ban period? That's not fair.
And he replied back reiterating that the ban extension would stay.
How the fuck is that fair? I mean, it's only a week, and complete jackass/asshole that the guy is, me calling him a terrorist would easily have merited a permanent ban, but that's not what they gave me. Extending it after the fact based on his lack of reading comprehension and then not changing it back is not fair in principle. It's most likely a pride thing.
Ah well. All I can say is
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Now, if you're like me, and like jokes in poor taste and have a pretty all encompassing sense of humour (or a crude and juvenile one) read on, as this is pretty damn funny, in that ''OOOOHHHHH MMMMAAAANNN THATS BAAAADDDDD LOLOLOLOL'' kind of way.......
~Second last chance
Okay, here it is:
Jesus Walks into a hotel, tosses three nails on the front desk and says, "Hey, can you put me up for the night?
BA DUM TISH!!!!
Ya, I kinda just did, sorry.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Now this is something I have not come across in all my years. Some people actually hypothesize that Jesus, assuming he existed (and I am not saying he didn't) may have been gay.
Now, this is of little to no consequence to me, and really, shouldn't be to anybody, but I am interested in this because, seeing the title of this movie, I assumed this to be a joke, and it appears to be at first, but then a few interesting things are mentioned, in a half-joking-but-who-knows sort of way....
Is this idea ever given credence by theologians?
Friday, January 22, 2010
One of my best friends made this for a college media project/ contest and it was voted the best one in the class. The background to this is quite simple, he is always told he looks like Josh Groban, and the idea struck him to play off of that, so he combined the physical similarities between him and Josh with a gag based on Gorban's public image of innocence and thus was borne this crazy and really funny rap video.
This is really quite humourous, but only if you're familiar with online gaming, and these types of players especially. It really demonstrates how the douchebaggery you encounter online, spurred on by immaturity and testosterone meeting anonymity, really does not translate well to real life.
I got some good laughs out of these, particularly the first one:
Credit for these goes to http://www.recklesstortuga.com/ as this is original content produced by the folks there.