The mental health crisis and "boys will be boys."

People say there's a current mental health crisis underway and if they think that but continue on doing what they are doing (or trying to implement seemingly helpful but actually destructive measures) it's only going to get worse. WAY worse. We've designed a square hole society and boys are the rounded pegs. "Boys will be boys" was reflective of a healthy understanding of the biological nature of males. But it's so heavily tied to "rape culture" and other such stuff now that the basic societal idea when it comes to boys is to "teach" them out of their biology. Which of course only serves to alienate and add to the mental health crisis that these same people are (ostensibly) so worried about.

I have a ten year old daughter and an eleven year old nephew and as far as the way they (and their friends/classmates) are treated/the messaging they receive/the expectations placed upon them/the opportunities they have they might as well be living in different worlds. The girls are flourishing and being supported at every turn while the boys seem lost and misunderstood.

It's fucking sad and the long term implications of this are frightening.

I never get too wrapped up but this one is fucking with me. From reddit parenting:

Check out this post on reddit parenting:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/a2w0c8/disturbing_messages_to_daughter/

TLDR A parent went through their 11 year old daughter's phone and are now talking about involving 'counselors' and school administrators because of messages from a boy (one year older than daughter) that consisted of silly/dumb/crude pickup lines involving body parts.

The comments all, and I mean ALL, support this idea and others actually go so far as to talk about involving the police and that this may constitute sexual harassment. I read this already knowing how most of modern society thinks but find myself lost, confused and raging at the lack of awareness of reality. So I (stupidly) decide to chime in.

I throw out the idea that at TWELVE he is just coming into puberty (which means raging hormones and new, confusing feelings) and that factored along with an undeveloped brain leads to clumsy shit like those crude pickup lines. I introduce the idea that he is just trying shit out and of COURSE it's going to be clumsy and ham fisted- he's TWELVE. I also ask if perhaps it was banter back and forth between the two and/or maybe a quote/in joke. I suggest that nothing really need be done and that the idea of involving 'counsellors' and ESPECIALLY the police is INSANE.

I foolishly thought maybe I'd talk some sense into these people. Nope. Downvote city.

I'm trying to forget it and move on (things are where they are; it's bigger than me and getting worked up only serves to make my mental state worse) but this one is really fucking with me. Lately I have been really thinking about how misunderstood boys are and how modern society is doing them a MAJOR disservice. Mental health crisis? It's only going to get worse. WAY worse. We've designed a square hole society and boys are the rounded pegs. "Boys will be boys" was reflective of a healthy understanding of the biological nature of males. But it's so heavily tied to "rape culture" and other such stuff now that the basic societal idea when it comes to boys is to "teach" them out of their biology. Which of course only serves to alienate and add to the mental health crisis that these same people are (ostensibly) so worried about.

I'm living in fucking crazyland and I can't stop thinking about it now. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. What a goddamn shame.

Just needed to vent (and hear from more sane people I guess).

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....But of course.

Let kids take risks. Let them fail. Let them get hurt. End Helicopter Parenting!

If you practice doing things in the face of possible danger as a child (sports, skateboarding, climbing trees, wrestling, etc), you become almost fearless as an adult which aids you in almost any realm (business, dating etc.). Let your kids take risks!

My ex wife HATES the way I let our daughter take risks. She HATES the way I don't coddle her when she is hurt (there's a difference between hurt and HURT, mothers) and instead insists she "mans up" so to speak. She HATES the way I let her fail over and over and over and don't lie and say everything she does is "good enough." Well in twenty years she'll be happy with who our daughter has become even if she won't have enough insight to understand how she became so. 

There's a difference between being hard and your kids/having expectations for them and being an unfeeling dick. I love the shit out of her and hug her every day. Doesn't mean the world needs to stop when she stubs a toe.

If you want your children to be self actualized, confident, powerful, contented, centered and engaged (with the world) adults..........when they are kids LET THEM BE KIDS. Helicopter parenting is the worst thing to happen to childhood since media reports of kidnappings became so prevalent (actually there's a casual relationship there which the media should have to answer for). It may sound stupid but there's a direct correlation between tree climbing and playfighting (risk taking and "violence") and adult success. Every time you tell them to stop because they "could get hurt" you're reducing their chances of succeeding later in life. Which of course you will blame them for in twenty years, adding to the damage you already caused. 

LET YOUR KIDS BE KIDS.