"Why won't he open up to me? I just want him to share his emotions and thoughts."

The cultural narrative regarding this of course being that women are empathetic and men are trained to be cold and un-emotional and if only they would open up they would realize the women who love them would be there for them in an unbelievably satisfying way and their mental health (and relationships) would improve.


So simple, so obvious and so correct. Right?


Wrong.


They might not realize it but their biological imperative is to test for weakness/vulnerability (it all boils down to child rearing, resource acquisition and protection) and they can't do this if the guy is holding back. Will he be strong, dependable and successful? Will he protect her and the children as well as provide for them? She isn't sure and so something feels "off" to her. What this culture seems to have forgotten/wanted to deny as of late is how much our biology controls us.


Guys, she isn't saying this because she cares and wants to help (she may believe this.....or not). It's so that she can more accurately screen you as a mate/potential father.

Why Advertising is Anti Male

It's because, despite all of the pro-female messaging in today's culture, women (deep down) still feel inferior to men. The advertiser's role here is to make women feel good about themselves, so that they think that good feeling comes from the product, when in fact it's because they witnessed women getting one over on their superiors. It wouldn't work with men because we don't see ourselves as inferior to women, so if men were hitting women, or women were clumsily falling around, that wouldn't make men feel good, it would just be awkward. Men love women, women hate men, and advertisers know this all too well, and have to use it to sell products from mops to frozen foods.

If women didn't feel inferior to men, this simply wouldn't work, and they would refuse to buy the product. With men, you have to show them what the product is, how it works, why it's better than others on the market, and why they need it. With women you don't need to do any of that, you just have to show men being clumsy, and women being "sassy" and "empowered", then show the brand name, and like braindead zombie-sheep, they flock to buy the product.

Let kids take risks. Let them fail. Let them get hurt. End Helicopter Parenting!

If you practice doing things in the face of possible danger as a child (sports, skateboarding, climbing trees, wrestling, etc), you become almost fearless as an adult which aids you in almost any realm (business, dating etc.). Let your kids take risks!

My ex wife HATES the way I let our daughter take risks. She HATES the way I don't coddle her when she is hurt (there's a difference between hurt and HURT, mothers) and instead insists she "mans up" so to speak. She HATES the way I let her fail over and over and over and don't lie and say everything she does is "good enough." Well in twenty years she'll be happy with who our daughter has become even if she won't have enough insight to understand how she became so. 

There's a difference between being hard and your kids/having expectations for them and being an unfeeling dick. I love the shit out of her and hug her every day. Doesn't mean the world needs to stop when she stubs a toe.

If you want your children to be self actualized, confident, powerful, contented, centered and engaged (with the world) adults..........when they are kids LET THEM BE KIDS. Helicopter parenting is the worst thing to happen to childhood since media reports of kidnappings became so prevalent (actually there's a casual relationship there which the media should have to answer for). It may sound stupid but there's a direct correlation between tree climbing and playfighting (risk taking and "violence") and adult success. Every time you tell them to stop because they "could get hurt" you're reducing their chances of succeeding later in life. Which of course you will blame them for in twenty years, adding to the damage you already caused. 

LET YOUR KIDS BE KIDS.  

Society focusing on the individual and thinking we are "free of" biology is a huge mistake.

The postmodernist idea of redefining everything (like gender roles or relationships) through the lens of personal freedom/happiness, etc might be great for individuals but like any problem, political or otherwise, we have to consider society as a whole across generations. Something might be better for individual humans but much worse for humans at the societal and/or multi-generational level. This is something we are really bad at thinking about and so many changes under way right now are great on the face of it but spell disaster long term.

The trend of ignoring the influence of biology on personal satisfaction is one example of this. There is a trend right now of acting like we are "beyond biology" but the truth is we are inexorably tied to our biological natures. The result of this is scores of people in 20 years saying things like "I am doing what we all agreed is our new freedom to do yet I am miserable. Why can't I just be happy?"

Naming the Glory Hole Guy

Why don't we have a name for the guy on the receiving end of a glory hole? As far as I am concerned, not having a name for these guys is an injustice. They do very difficult and taxing work and for that to go unrecognised is a travesty. They do a public service after all! Ask any gay man and they will most certainly agree that the glory hole guys are the unsung heroes of the gas station bathroom dwelling contingent of the gay community. And by god I say it's time they get sung!

So, ladies and gentlemen, while I myself have no suggestions (I was going to suggest Elton Johns but I would rather not get sued) I would like to deem this post to be my public broaching of this very pertinent subject and I would like to go on record as stating that we, as a society who recognizes our everyday heroes, can no longer ignore the guys on the messier end of glory holes all around the world. For this service to the greater good to continue on unrewarded (well, outside of the inherently rewarding 'money shot' they so often receive) is an injustice....no, a travesty.....no, an infamia

"The glory hole guy not being given respect is an infamia and no son of mine will  refuse to give such a man his dues"

It looks like guys who have anonymous sex with other guys though holes in the walls of various public restrooms (like at rural mom n pop gas stations and other fine establishments) are as important to The Godfather as they are to me. You wanna disagree with The Godfather? No? Well if you disagree with me you disagree with him, so get thinking and post your suggestions in the comment section below, lest ye too  commit an infamia.

Trivia: Marlon Brando (The Godfather) was bisexual, so perhaps he himself frequented some bathrooms.....hell, he maybe even used a glory hole or two in his day. If so, which end would he have preferred? I wonder.....

I really wish MS hadn't made Ninja Gaiden Black backwards compatible.

I was FINALLY over my addiction to Ninja Gaiden. I was enjoying all sorts of new games and new genres. After over 1000 hours of Gaiden I thought I had it licked. I played the Tom Raider reboot (and sequel). I played Bastion, A Tale of Two Sons, The Walking Dead, Torchlight, Fallout. Skyrim, Doom, GTA V, XCOM, Super Mario Galaxy, Metroid: Samus Returns, Castlevania LOTS, etc. I replayed the Mass Effect trilogy. I started playing the Dragon Age series. Origins was AMAZING. DA2 was fun. Inquisition was daunting but engaging and I was maybe thirty hours in when I got a message from my buddy. "Dude, Ninja Gaiden Black is playable on the Xbox One and it looks/runs amazing!" "Cool....but I played enough of that on the original XBox and the 360. Plus NG2, Sigma, 3, Razor's Edge, Sigma Plus, Sigma 2 plus, the NES trilogy.....okay might as well boot it up to see how it runs...."


Now, 2 months later I forger what I was doing and where I was in Dragon Age. The story is fading in my mind. The characters, the lore....all fading. I eat sleep dream Ninja Gaiden. I beat Normal. I beat Hard. I'm almost done Very Hard. Master Ninja is next. Approaching 20 million Karma in Mission Mode.....might as well chase 30 million since I never got there....and if I do, well screw it why not go for 40?


I have played maybe 8 hours of other games in the last 2 months. NHL 16 with a friend, and Rainbow Six Siege/Overwatch for a few hours each since they were free to try for the weekend (Overwatch is AWESOME.....Rainbow Six is good but 1, 3 and Black Arrow are still the best imo).


Today I have the whole day to myself. The kid is with the ex wife. Great time to get back into Dragon Age, right? Yep.....boots up Ninja Gaiden.


I wish I believed in a god so I could pray for help cause I think I'm like a guy back with his abusive ex- I know it's bad for me and everyone is telling me so but the sex man....the sex is just unbelievable.

My Daughter's First Words

I have a daughter, much to her chagrin (mine as well). She's 4. Cute as a button. Bright. Not a big fan of mine. In fact, l can still hear her very first words as though she was saying them at this very moment.....

She had been trying to speak for a while, making those babbling sounds that sounded as though they wanted to be words but had no idea how to become them; unrealized potential uttered by an idiot savant in a diaper. She had come very close on a few occasions, once even possibly saying "mommy" but it was too hard to call so we decided not to officially declare that as her first word, opting instead to wait for something that was undeniably a fully articulated English word. And then it happened. She had been playing with her blocks, seemingly unfazed by any of the events surrounding her, when all of a sudden she looked up at her mother, then myself, then her mother again, dead in the eyes, and whispered, softly but very clearly, with the inflection properly placed at the last syllable of the word to denote the asking of a question, "Why?"

If she'd had the ability to, she would have said "Why him, Mommy? Why?" but still, the question she was asking was very clear to us both, and unfortunately for her there was, and still isn't, a sufficient answer. I guess the best I could ever hope for is to just stay out of her way as much as possible and try really hard not to ruin her now or embarrass her later.

Poor thing. You never do get to choose your parents after all.

There is no "Real You." There is no "Real" Anybody.

Ever hear someone say something to the effect of "I thought I knew him/her but obviousdly not-she/he really revealed who he/she really is that day in that one moment. 20 years of knowing them (well, thinking I did) and it all goes away in an instant. How could I be so blind? Or were they just lying the whole time?

Maybe you have said something like that yourself.

Well.......

The deeper truth that a few philosophers, neuroscientists and psychonauts know is that there is no "real you." There is no "real anybody." All there is is tendencies governed by momentary situational factors. You might not see a certain behaviour in someone until 20 years into a relationship and this is not because they are hiding the "real them" but because the specific set of circumstances in play at the time of the behaviour had not existed in that exact form at any other time.

A pedestrian example is irritability when tired (which many people share). A "nice" person may be great 23 hours a day but a real shitbag between 7-8am. Which one is the "real them?"

A less pedestrian example is a self proclaimed (and seemingly objectively so) pacifist slapping his girlfriend in the face eight years into their relationship during a really bad fight. He had never, EVER shown any signs that this was possible nor had he ever hit anyone else in that eight years- wow, I guess you just don't know who someone "really is" even if you think you do. You had not seen that behaviour because those exact circumstances had not yet come into play. Not once before had you ever been in a major fight following infidelity and the death of his mother and found yourself making an egregious, incredibly hurtful comment about his other's death. And it's possible you may never see that type of reaction from him again. So which one is the "real him?" The "pacifist" or the (duhn duhn duhn) "abuser (#metoo)?"

Answer: It's all him.

"Temporary Insanity" Is a Legal Term But Not A Valid Psychological Concept

This is a short summation of the circumstances surrounding the first ever implementation of the legal defense known as "temporary insanity:"

George Reimus built a massive bootlegging empire during prohibition. His wife was by his side during his ascent to becoming a major kingpin and he provided her with anything she ever wanted.

Reimus gets sent to prison for a short 2 year prison term. He left her in charge of his entire empire while he was incarcerated. She was his soulmate and he trusted her completely, without hesitation.

His wife starts sleeping with a new man. Within 6 months, she sold all of her husband's assets, stole all his money, and filed for divorce.

Upon his release, George was driving to his divorce hearing when he spotted his wife in another car. He forced her car off the road, then shot and killed her. He immediately turned himself in and admitted to the murder.

At his trial, he pleaded temporary insanity and won. He said this afterwards: 

It was a duty I owed society. She who dances down the primrose path must die on the primrose path. I'm happy, this is the first piece of mind I've had in years - George Reimus

The problem with this defense is the fact that it's simply not real. 

"Temporary insanity" is a legal term but isn't at all a real psychological phenomenon. In fact, in reality, there is no sanity or insanity or even a "real you." There are just moment to moment brain states which are a result of biological, chemical, physiological, environmental, etc factors.

That guy wasn't "temporarily insane." His behaviour was the end result of a specific set of factors which were in play the moment he saw his wife; the reason he had never acted that way before was simply because he has never been in that situation before. Just like when an otherwise "friendly dog" attacks someone. They aren't insane in that moment; they were acting on circumstances that hadn't been in play prior to that moment.

Another "Sexist" Warning to Women about Drinking to Excess

Article: Anti-drinking ad in university women's washroom blasted for being sexist"

My take on this nonsense that seems to be so prevalent these days? Simple:

  People too readily validate their kids' emotions from a young age; that combined with a lack of philosophical education (logic, reason, forming arguments) leads to this stuff. It's vital to teach your kids to a) challenge assumptions (others' and their own) and possibly more importantly, challenge their own emotional states. Not every moment of sadness, anger or depression (or in this case, 'offense') is reasonable or based on valid assumptions and if they don't learn to challenge them or push through/ignore them (at times, not always obviously) then they end up being like this- unreasonably offended/emotional and then acting upon this shaky foundation.

Advice To Potential 'Self Help Gurus' ('Life Coaches', Marriage Counsellors, Sex Therapists, etc)

There are often two paths when it comes to advice about life, yet in cases where this is true, the path that is followed is the one that is perceived as the sole option, as those who follow this path are blind to the existence of the second, and more importantly, correct, path. For example:

Let's say the advice in question is regarding a married man, self described as "happily married," who is guilty because even though he loves his wife and the marriage is great he can't stop wanting to sleep with other women. He doesn't act on it this desire, but he feels it. Often. Now, the path most travelled, seen to those taking it as the only path (they're wrong) is the sit down/discuss the relationship/examine the self/spice up the sex life with the wife path.

If you want to really help people, stay away from that path. The people on that path are playing in a matrix of socially approved and spread ignorance they just don't see (or they do but they deny it because it is threatening to them in some way). There's a second path, at that path is truth. Real truth. Often politically incorrect truth. So, in the example above regarding the husband with the wandering eye, the second path would be the that's natural/there's nothing to worry about/and p.s your wife does the same thing path.

Stick to the second path and you'll draw the ire of the masses but you'll also be truly helping people and what could be nobler than that?

The Problem With Media Reports On Studies About Video Game Violence

We've all read the headlines. "Video Games Lead To Violent Behaviour." "Video Games Cause Immoral Behaviour In Teens." "Video Games Lead To Aggression." The question is, are the conclusions drawn in these reports backed up by the science they are reporting on? My contention is that they absolutely are not and I will use a recent study to demonstrate where they are going wrong.

The study in question, conducted in Italy and published in the online journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, looked at how violent video games influenced post play morality in teenagers. The researchers recruited 172 high school students (aged thirteen to nineteen) and separated them into two groups. The first group was tasked with playing a violent video game. The second group was given nonviolent games to play. After both groups played the games, they were directed to complete a logic test, and every time they achieved a correct answer they were allowed to remove a raffle ticket from a bag. The teens were left alone in a room to do this, and upon completion of the study the researchers found that those who had played violent video games prior to taking the logic test were eight times more likely to remove more than the one raffle ticket from the bag when they correctly completed a section on the logic test.

The authors noted that the teens who showed signs of 'moral disengagement' were the most affected by playing violent video games. Moral disengagement is the ability to remove oneself from the normal rules of morality in certain situations because, in the view of the people who show this trait,  morality does not apply in certain situations. The teens with this trait were much more likely to steal after playing a violent game. A nonviolent game did not trigger as large a discrepancy between the two groups.

A study like this is perfect fodder for one of those media frenzies mentioned earlier. According to the study, the teens, especially those who score highly on "moral disengagement" scales were more likely to take extra raffle tickets; to steal, essentially. At the very least, to cheat. Not good, right? Obviously the violent video games are having a negative effect, one that was not seen to the same degree in the group that played non violent games. Seems like an open and shut case on the face of it. Except it's not. At all.

The Explosions Look Like Pizza: A Mighty No. 9 Review

As you likely know, Mighty No. 9’s development has been controversial and tumultuous. The Kickstarter campaign was a success and fan enthusiasm was high. This was short lived, however, as delays, mixed messaging and awful trailers followed. And now, amidst further controversy, regarding some comments allegedly made by developers of this game, Mighty No. 9 has been released. And it's......you know.

 

The layout of the game is straightforward: There are eight levels, each of which is presided over by one of the “Mighty Numbers” (Robot Masters)- bosses whose abilities you (Beck) can absorb after defeating them. Do this and by the end you're putting together an ever growing list of skills in order to get through constantly evolving, tougher challenges. It's a tried and true formula for a reason: It works and it pushes, challenges and yet empowers the player.

As far as the level design goes, it’s standard stuff: tricky jumps, tight quarters, evolving enemy patterns. Clear, concise, constant difficulty progression. Rewards for exploration (with a few red herrings thrown in for good measure, a la Ninja Gaiden (NES)).

So far so good.

Taking Reality for Granted?

Taking Reality for Granted?

We all have senses, and we use our senses to perceive the world around us. The sum total of our sensory perception is the input to which we ascribe the characteristic of reality. When we do this, we are effectively saying that what we sense around us is what exists around us, and we use this information to guide us as we move about the world in which we live. However, there is a problem inherent within this methodology, as philosophers have been noting for millenia: We cannot be certain that reality is as we perceive it, since the perceptions that we cite as evidence are necessarily subjective, and are devoid of external, independent confirmation of their accuracy. Or are they? This is the question I'd like to address.

Parenting: On Yelling and Hitting

My daughter is 7 now and I can count the times I have legitimately yelled at her on one hand. I have always talked to her, reasoned things out, etc. I prioritize her psychological health over anything else- us being late, me being tired, whatever. And I NEVER hit her. Or "spank" her (which is hitting, stop pretending otherwise).

I have always had a policy of "treat her like I'd like to be treated." No one would want to be yelled at or hit by someone six times their size, so why would we expect fragile little children to tolerate that? It's totally unfair (but I get it!!!! they don't understand our job and how they unintentionally make it harder and what we feel/go through, especially as single parents; we're tired, stressed, dissatisfied, etc....I do get it!).

People around me try to convince me to "toughen up" as they think sometimes things "take too long" (just yell and she'll do it right away, they say) but again my priority is her not me or them. Everyone always uses the running on the road example (what if she ran onto the road without looking, you're going to "talk" it out?) but she never does anything like that and she listens very well. She respects me because I treat/see her as a real person and I make sure to care about how she is feeling. In turn she doesn't want to disappoint me so she tries her best to be a helpful girl.

I know it's tough. We're tired, we're frustrated, the list of things to do never ends. But you have to keep in mind the nature of children, understand it and work with them- don't hold them responsible for their nature (they had nothing to do with it). Ask yourself why you yelled or hit and you'll realize your answers don't actually justify the response. It's always "we were going to be late or I said it four times already!" which really means "it didn't happen when I wanted it to" which is never worth even a minuscule amount of fear, anxiety, or hit to self confidence that they can (and do) experience. They are fragile and they need us to be on their side.

Muramasa Rebirth Review

Muramasa Rebirth is an enhanced port of a 2009 Wii game entitled Muramasa: The Demon Blade which was an excellent 2D side scrolling action role playing game that starred 2 characters: the princess Momohime and Kisuke, a ninja with, wait for it…..amnesia! Yes, amnesia, that old video game trope (I’ll save you the hassle of searching for the story section of this review and just tell you right now that if you are playing this game for the story you’re barking up the wrong proverbial tree).

When you begin the game you are tasked with choosing one of two stories to play through. Momohime’s  or Kisuke’s. Depending upon which choice you make you’ll either be travelling east or west; if you choose Momohime you’ll play as a princess possessed by a vengeful spirit in search of 108 legendary demon blades. Choose Kisuke and you’ll play as a ninja with amnesia……in search of 108 legendary demon blades. The stories both evolve (some might say devolve) from there but frankly, I paid very little attention. What did get my attention, however, was both the audio/visual presentation and the gameplay. The game is simply gorgeous, the music is great and it plays like a dream.

Sit a Lot? Have Pain? This Post is for You!

Any of you, like myself, who works in an office type environment knows that we sit. A LOT. I work 4 11.5-12 hour shifts per week and at least 5 of those hours are spent sitting. If I wasn't dealing with patients I'd be sitting for the whole thing (used to do that when I was on the analysis side of things) and if you aren't yet aware of this fact become so now: SITTING IS DEATH.

I'm in medical but I ain't no doctor so I'll save the nitty gritty for someone else but the basic idea is that the angle of our hips is not set but actually fluctuates based on the activation (or lack thereof) of attached and surrounding musculature. What effects that is the positions we take during the day- how we sit, stand, kneel, squat, etc. Sitting forces the hip into an unnatural angle and since we are often hunched over computers we also end up overusing some of the muscles in the shoulders, mid and upper back and underusing muscles in the chest and abdomen (as well as legs for both over and underuse). You end up with a whole bunch of misaligned, over used, underused etc muscles and these imbalances lead to injury and chronic pain. Not to mention that horrible hunched over 90 year old posture with the rounded shoulders and back and forward head.

Over the last 1.5 years or so I have been developing back, hip and neck pain and I have been becoming more and more acutely aware of my posture and how tight some muscles of mine are (and how weak others are). I have also started focusing on how much I sit and taking measures to mitigate the damage done every day.

So what have I been doing/should you be doing? Glad you asked  :lol: (but wait, there's more!)

1) Work out. Focus on your core especially.

2) Stretch your chest, hip flexors, shoulders, back and legs (quads, calves and hamstrings). You can google around to find out what stretches are for what if you don't already know.

3) Sit straight. Google proper sitting posture and try to adopt it. Stand straight. Shoulders down and back (ears and shoulders aligned); chin up. Try to lead with your qroin and keep your neck exposed. "beta" hunching posture is all about protecting the neck and balls. Strut that shit.

4) Take sitting breaks as often as possible. I will get into the "third world squat" position and hold it there for 30-60 seconds, or walk around, or do other stretches (or all of the above).

The basic idea is to open the hips, strengthen the back, stretch the chest and legs (and strengthen those hammies), sit and stand straight and allow the body to hold the positions it "likes" best.

Yoga is brilliant for this shit and if you like to smoke/vape/eat/drink/whatever the fuck marijuana good LORD does it enhance things.

Good luck and let's all strive for as little pain and damage as possible as we age. These new kids coming up are FUCKED because of how much they sit and hunch over screens. Text neck indeed.

I Had a Religious Experience Thanks To A Tennis Ball, Pot and Some Stretching

Yesterday I did 90 minutes of stretching and intense myofascial release via tennis ball solely focused on my lower right side- adductors. psoas, iliopsoas, tensor fasciae latae, iliotibial band, etc after eating an edible a friend gave me and I had a goddamn religious experience. I have always heard about how intense stretching can lead to psychedelic states but until yesterday I never really went to the heights I achieved. I almost don't believe it myself (I wouldn't if I wasn't already intimately familiar with how edibles affect me; I'd just chalk it up to that) but I swear I felt like I was 20% in this world and 80% one with the universe. Pain and pleasure started to mix together with the world around me until I was swimming in sensations. I can't explain it, it was completely bananas. All I know is muscles that have been tight for like 20 years screamed at me and then released under my relentless stretching and when they did my whole body orgasmed.

I have been flirting with this stuff for a while now but I am definitely 100% on board. You all haven't felt pleasure until you release a muscle 20 years into tightening. You just have to fight through some pretty intense pain first (I had my head tilted back moaning in pain a few times).

Fuck that was amazing.

Resident Evil HD Remaster Review

One door leads to three which all lead to three and pretty soon there's a multiverse of doors and each death means going back 30 doors and I get confused.

7/10