I had an easy lay up present itself to me after several years of voluntary celibacy following a period of "going monk mode." This was a pretty, younger woman recently divorced and looking for a good time with no strings (allegedly.....we know how that always turns out). We "connected" and it was a natural, easy dynamic. She left me her number and email address on her way out (she was a patient of mine and yes we can date patients and no I am not a doctor but am in medical).
That entire day at work my mind was on her. It was a constant struggle to focus on my work and that has *not* been the case at all since I *went mgtow* several years prior. Thinking about her, me, projecting into the future, thinking about sex, maybe we'll both get remarried, maybe we'll date for a while, maybe we'll be fwb's, body looks good but how is it actually under the clothes since she's a bit over 30, what about me I have old man balls now, do I want to start spending money on dates and do I want to start having to go through the whole "game playing" process again, oh fuck do I have to start maintaining a "wardrobe" again, do I- blah blah blah blah blah blah blah......
A few hours of this and it hit me: THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I STOPPED TO BEGIN WITH! It's fucking *all consuming*. Just a *whiff* and I was already mentally checked out of my mission and now focused on her her her.......I threw away the card she left me, did not go to the dad/daughter yoga thing she invited me to (she teaches yoga.....god that flexibility would have been fu- see, there it goes again!) and got back to doing 'me.'
Never again. I'm staying celibate for the rest of my life- it's the best thing I have ever done. I've never been better mentally or physically and I don't want to throw away all of this progress/potential. It might be mental failing on my part and if so, so be it but either way relationships/sex just don;t figure into my mission any more.
