Patriarchy and Critical Race Theory- Fact or Conspiracy?

Western society being and always having been inherently and overtly patriarchal and critical race theory are both viewed as givens by much (perhaps most) of the modern left.
Neither one is nearly as confirmed (empirically speaking) as they believe them to be. Hence, it could be said that these are conspiracies. But to many, of not most, these ideas are likely taken as a given and as such would not be in consideration for questioning or viewing in the lens of conspiratorial thinking.

And if you "spit your coffee on your keyboard" at the idea that patriarchy theory as applied to western civilization is not an obvious, known fact, you too share this bias. We all have them of course so I don't mean this as a fault on your part.

Edit: I know the patriarchy one really gets people going because of how obviously true it is to so many people so let me just ask a few questions to show why I think the idea is not settled at all and definitely up for discussion:

1) During WWI, women were walking around America handing out white feathers to combat aged men/teenage boys as a way to shame them for being weak and wimpy as opposed to brave and courageous, sacrificing their lives for the homeland or whatever.

Now, during this time, black Americans were being lynched and white people were getting away with it en masse. Why? Because they actually were in an oppressive and dominant position. But the women, out damning the reputation and character of these dominant and oppressive men? Nothing happened to these women.

If these women were in a position similar to Black Americans, how could this disparity in outcome exist?

2) Alcohol was made illegal in the 1920s. The people who drank were primarily men. The prohibition movement was largely spearheaded by women. They won. How?

3) The idea of patriarchy is largely supported by the common reality of women "in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant" throughout most of American history. This is supposedly because men were dominating and oppressing them.

Well, what were the men doing all this time? Were they smoking cigars in nightclubs, banging go go dancers and making big business deals? Or were they largely suffering in mines, on railroads, on farms and running towards machine gun nests praying they don't get gunshot and slowly and agonizingly die in a foreign land?

Was it oppression of one over another or was it a division of labour based on the conditions of the time?

A Random Night: Married vs Divorced

A random night when married: "Do you really have to play your drums again? You just played them last week!" "Ugh, fine, whatever. I'll be upstairs."


Fifteen minutes later: Basement door opens. Footsteps of doom coming down the stairs. "Are you going to be done soon? I'm trying to watch tv!"


Me: "I'm using the silencers I got there's no way it's that loud. We've already tested this."


"Ya but I can hear the tapping. It's annoying I'm trying to concentrate."


Me: "Use the headphones I bought you."


"Ugh, whatever."


Teenage girl esque storming back up the stairs.


I resume drumming. Having trouble concentrating now. Oh for fuck's sake. Head upstairs, drumming ruined now. What's she watching that's so important anyway? Oh wow some bullshit reality tv show. Surprise surprise.....


"What are you doing up here I thought you were playing drums?"


Me: "Can't concentrate anymore."


"You could have kept playing."


Me "......."


I'm gonna kill this bitch. Seriously, does she do this shit on purpose? (future me to past self: YES YOU DUMMY)


-------------------------------------------------------------------


Random night now: Silencers? What silencers? Que up song I am learning (Slayer- Angel of Death). Load YouTube tutorial video for that one part that I cannot figure out on my own. Roll joint. Smoke joint in basement like a man (going outside and hiding like a criminal is for the birds and the married blokes). Sit down on drum throne (aptly named since I am the King of this bitch). Hit play. Rock the FUCK out.


Three hours later: That was fun as fuck. Now what should I do?


Goes skating in the backyard ice rink I made for daughter and I. Practices stickhandling and does sprints under the moonlight. Is at utter peace.


And guys want to get married? WHY?

I'm not MGTOW because I "hate women" and I'm not an incel. It's ALL about MINDSET/CLARITY

I had an easy lay up present itself to me after several years of voluntary celibacy following a period of "going monk mode." This was a pretty, younger woman recently divorced and looking for a good time with no strings (allegedly.....we know how that always turns out). We "connected" and it was a natural, easy dynamic. She left me her number and email address on her way out (she was a patient of mine and yes we can date patients and no I am not a doctor but am in medical).

That entire day at work my mind was on her. It was a constant struggle to focus on my work and that has *not* been the case at all since I *went mgtow* several years prior. Thinking about her, me, projecting into the future, thinking about sex, maybe we'll both get remarried, maybe we'll date for a while, maybe we'll be fwb's, body looks good but how is it actually under the clothes since she's a bit over 30, what about me I have old man balls now, do I want to start spending money on dates and do I want to start having to go through the whole "game playing" process again, oh fuck do I have to start maintaining a "wardrobe" again, do I- blah blah blah blah blah blah blah......

A few hours of this and it hit me: THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I STOPPED TO BEGIN WITH! It's fucking *all consuming*. Just a *whiff* and I was already mentally checked out of my mission and now focused on her her her.......I threw away the card she left me, did not go to the dad/daughter yoga thing she invited me to (she teaches yoga.....god that flexibility would have been fu- see, there it goes again!) and got back to doing 'me.'

Never again. I'm staying celibate for the rest of my life- it's the best thing I have ever done. I've never been better mentally or physically and I don't want to throw away all of this progress/potential. It might be mental failing on my part and if so, so be it but either way relationships/sex just don;t figure into my mission any more.

Minimalism Tips

Some of these are embarrassing/will seem ridiculous but all is fair in love and minimalism!

-Keep house at 18 degrees (64.4F) year round

-Keep lights off as much as possible. Tv lights the living room (lol)

-If there are lighting fixtures that hold multiple bulbs, only use 1

-Anything and everything is done on the lowest setting if possible

-Device need charging? Gonna be at work later? Charge it there.

-(Get ready to laugh) Pee outside (backyard). Why waste water?

-Hiking shoes breaking? Duct tape bitch! No one is there anyway.

-Summer? AC? Nah! Cool house at night (open windows and have fans running) then shut blinds/close windows when sun starts rising. If house gets a fair bit of shade you can stay comfortable most of the day. Run fans, even one from basement pointing up the stairs to bring cooler basement air up.

-Like video games? Me too, a lot. Online rental sites and sales. Hardly ever buy new (last new game purchase was March 2017).

-Cable tv? Been like 6 years. Internet and Netflix does the job.

-Dish soap or liquid hand soap getting low? Add water, shake and presto! Full bottle again. Also works with cologne, shampoo, conditioner, eye glass cleaner, etc. Sure it's a bit degraded (not the right word but I am blanking at the moment) but it definitely extends your usage.

-Some jurisdictions have varying hydro prices. Find out if your area is one of them and if so try to do laundry, dishes, etc in those hours. Timers help with this if you're at work.

-Do you get a drink, finish drink, throw cup in sink then get a new cup for next drink? Silly goose, quick rinse then re-use! Also works for bowls and dishes and silverware.

-Treating yourself with some takeout? Cool, do that once every month or so myself. Get the big size (full dinner vs. half, for example) then set some aside for another meal. Two meals for a bit higher of a cost works out better than the slightly less expensive one that lasts one meal.

-Unless it's one of those scorching "fuck my life" days, if you're driving out in the summer windows down uses less energy than air conditioning. And if I do run the AC (or heat in winter- bundle up right though and u can avoid this) it's as low a setting as possible.

-Bring my lunch to work (well breakfast lunch and dinner all in one as I do intermittent fasting/one meal a day and work 12 hour shifts during which my eating window falls) and when I am done there is Tupperware to wash? Wash it at work, why waste water at home?

-Take vitamins or other supplements? I take the proper dose most of the time but every so often (once or twice a week) I'll either skip them or take a reduced dosage. Stretches them out more over the course of a year.

-Holes in clothes? Mend 'em. Wash clothes less often so they last longer.

-Run washing machine on cold water setting.

-If you use disposable razors/razor blades, once you are done shaving get the hair out, dry the blades perfectly then run them several times across your forearm(s) in the opposite direction that you would run them to actually shave (hope that makes sense). Do like 10-20 "backwards strokes" and this resets the alignment of the blades which gives you a few extra shaves with the same blade.

-If you use teeth whitening strips and you don't have giant ass horse teeth you can cut the strips in half and get double the use out of a box (you can also use them a lot longer than the recommended thirty minutes but TEST THIS CAREFULLY at first please. You may get tooth sensitivity (I do not and have worn them for upwards of four hours at a time). Please don't tell Crest et al this as I don't want them making them smaller to stop me from doing this ;)

-If you cook bacon you can save the grease and use it for cooking (saves you from using olive oil or whatever and it tastes awesome!).

-Sometimes you'll think you need a new pair of shoes when really all they need is a cleaning and maybe a polishing. If they aren't ripped to shit but just dull, try that first.

-Drive my car conservatively and keep up with maintenance. Use same car forever (I drive a 2003 that still runs great).

I'm sure there's more but that's all that comes to mind at the moment.

In Defense Of 'Crazy' Stay At Home Moms

We all know the trope of the 'crazy' suburban mom; you know,  the one who screams at her kids and husband all day despite being medicated to the gills with pharmacological agents and vodka coolers and while I have done my share of sneering at them to myself and others (shitty behaviour around kids is hard not to sneer at) I have been thinking a lot about these women and what might be at the root of the problem and I think that "they're just crazy" isn't fair and what really may be going on is totally not their fault but actually the fault of the way we engineered post-industrialization/post-agricultural societies.

If you travel back in time to say 50,000 years ago, what was the life of a mother like? Were they alone, separated into individual houses, or together as a community, dealing with everyone's' kids all at once?

It was the latter.

Assuming we all agree on this point, (and how can't we; I'm always right after all, right C-man? fuma!) what can we take from this? Well, it logically follows that evolving to raise kids in a community would lead women of future generations to basically needing said communities for support and ultimately, optimal mental health. So, separating into houses all along a street and living in their own little worlds with their kids and hubbies (when home from work) could possibly be setting them up for failure. Living contrary to ones' nature is a recipe for mental illness, right?

If we think about the nature of women, are they more oriented towards being solitary or in groups? I think we all know the answer. They are definitely wired towards being hive minded. Men are generally the more solitary creatures. So, in the interest of fairness here, is it really any wonder that once they are separated into individual homes alone with their kid(s) all day that they go "crazy?" They are living without the social support networks they evolved to need!

I always think/talk about how the way this culture is engineered is really bad for men, but I am starting to consider the possibility that it's bad for women as well. It's bad for all of us, I think. One day I'll stop being so lazy and really dig into this idea and post a detailed, cogent, thought out piece about it. I really think there's a lot about the way we are living that we need to rethink. I'm just so lazy.....damn culture's fault!

Travel Back in Time and SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF MYSELF

This is a snippet of a "love letter" (blargh) I wrote for an ex girlfriend years back. It's.....I mean.....Jesus Christ. See for yourself:

It is an impoverished existence, one that is without you in it, and I must now redouble my energies and refocus so that I may live this new leg of the journey that is my life to its absolute fullest capacity, in perhaps a vain but surely blissful endeavour to make up for the dark half of this, mine imperfect and tumultuous life. I look forward to an illuminated, enlightened, and surely more rewarding second half.

May your love ever shine brightly down upon me, and may it always light my way.

Someone needs to invent a time machine so literally everyone on Earth can travel back to the moment I started to write that letter and SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

Disgusting. 

Society focusing on the individual and thinking we are "free of" biology is a huge mistake.

The postmodernist idea of redefining everything (like gender roles or relationships) through the lens of personal freedom/happiness, etc might be great for individuals but like any problem, political or otherwise, we have to consider society as a whole across generations. Something might be better for individual humans but much worse for humans at the societal and/or multi-generational level. This is something we are really bad at thinking about and so many changes under way right now are great on the face of it but spell disaster long term.

The trend of ignoring the influence of biology on personal satisfaction is one example of this. There is a trend right now of acting like we are "beyond biology" but the truth is we are inexorably tied to our biological natures. The result of this is scores of people in 20 years saying things like "I am doing what we all agreed is our new freedom to do yet I am miserable. Why can't I just be happy?"

Marriage Joke

A man brings a buddy home for dinner unannounced at 7:30 after work. His wife begins screaming at him while his friend just sits and listens in.

Wife: "My hair and makeup aren't done, the house is a mess, the dishes aren't done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the hell did you bring him home?"

Husband: "Because he's thinking of getting married and I promised him a demo!"

Day In the Life of a SAHM I Know

-Feed the baby when she wakes up at around 8am, and then sit down for around 30-50 minutes and watch tv before going outside to smoke cigarettes once the baby falls back asleep for her first nap of the day. Once mom is done smoking she either watches more tv or takes a nap, depending on how she feels that day. The baby usually sleeps until ~11am so she will nap/watch tv until then.

-Once the baby is up, she feeds her, changes her diaper and then places her in front of the tv in her playpen and then baby proceeds to watch tv with mommy until lunch time (Or, if this taxing routine has been too much for her to handle as of late, she'll bundle up the baby and head to the in-laws and lets them deal with the baby).

-Lunch time. Then nap, during which mommy watches more tv/smokes cigarettes outside.

Post lunch: The afternoon is just like the morning except a little less reality tv shows and a little more solitaire or pinball on the computer. Oh, sometimes she'll play COD in the morning instead of watch shitty reality shows/daytime talk shows.

Dinner time: Daddy will be home soon (and it can't be soon enough 'cause she's starvin!) Wonder what he (yes, HE) is going to cook for dinner- oh, wait, he's been complaining again about doing everything even though I am home all day (cause you know, he thinks babies take care of themselves and all mothers do is nap and watch tv) so I guess I'll do it tonight to shut him up for a few days (fucking whiner).

So what should I make him? Processed frozen food, or should I just text him and have him pick up (and pay for) fast food?Ah, let's go with the frozen dinner. I could go for some McDonald's and I don't feel like bending down to use the oven but he's been complaining about money since I keep "spending it all faster than he can make it." What a whiner. Get a better job then. Mary's boyfriend doesn't complain about her spending!

HE's HOME!! TIME TO COMPLAIN AND PASS THE BABY OFF TO HIM SO I CAN 'RELAX' FOR A BIT WHILE HE COOKS DINNER!

Top Ten Divorce Lawyer Dirty Tricks

Top Ten Tricks of Scumbags Known as “Family Law Attorneys”

1. The bankruptcy trick.

Here is how it works……. In the property division portion of the trial, the “wife” and her life sucking leach will let you keep most of your stuff. You know, your classic cars and motorcycles, toys, property in your family for years, etc. {don’t worry, she’ll throw out all the smaller mementos of your life, in violation of the temporary order, to make the math easier} In exchange, you have to pay the princess a cash settlement based on splitting all the bills due minus the assets each person takes. Sounds fair, right? --deleted-- NO! What happens is that, shortly after the divorce, pumpkin declares bankruptcy. Now guess who is responsible for ALL the bills. Yes, you. The nice part is that if you declare bankruptcy to get rid of those marital bills, your ex sweetheart’s cash payout is not subject to the bankruptcy proceedings. Your credit is now --deleted--ed and you will have to pay her the cash the judge promised her. They will seize property (including bank accounts), garnish wages, etc. in order to help out the former Mrs. X.

Solution: What you need to do is make sure that you put on the record, say to the judge during the trial, “Your Honor, I stipulate to the property division as put forth by Ms. _______ ,and her counsel, with the following caveat: In the event that a party declares bankruptcy within ten years of the divorce, that party shall not be entitled to any cash settlement from the other and any payments made as part of a cash equalization payment shall be returned by order of the court.” Then smile and shut up. If they pull this on you, you need to have this on the record. The judge can agree with this or not, her attorney will flip out that you are on to this trick and certainly protest. Let him make an ass of himself or herself. When they finish, simply state that “to do otherwise is to open the door for a future civil case of unjust enrichment and I realize the court is busy and may not wish to reopen this matter, under relief from judgment statutes, at a later time.”


2. The “Magical Order” trick.

You’ll like this one. You go to court and get basically what you want, justice. Then a week or so later you get a copy of the proposed order. Well, holy --deleted--, the order has things that were never discussed or ordered or has it just plain wrong. This is definitely NOT what the judge ordered. How did this mistake happen? It isn’t a mistake. The other attorney knows that these things are usually rubber stamped by a judge’s secretary and they aren’t going through the transcripts to see if the lawyer accurately wrote down what the judge ordered. The judge has lots of cases to handle. In most cases, he will not remember, and will take the “scumbag attorney” at his word.

Solution:A week before the hearing, or trial, submit a “request for audio recording” of the action. If it is denied, and it is a one party consent state, tape the thing yourself secretly. Once they know you are on to this trick, by your request for a recorded hearing, they will be more “careful” when they word the order. When you get the proposed order, review it immediately. You generally have five days to object before it is made final. If it is wrong, make sure you object. If your objections are overruled, let them know that “the audiotape I possess clearly shows the order is wrong.” Threaten to contact your States attorney ethics board if you are being ignored. Be nice at first. Never lose your temper.


3. The Disappearing mail trick.

You can trust the one who agreed to “better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health”, right. No. You can’t. You get something in the mail that says basically “hey, you failed to show up for _______ (mediation, court hearing, required appointment, etc.). Since you didn’t care enough to show, we bent you over the bench in effigy and ass raped you. Have a nice day and --deleted-- off.” You think “well, I never got a notice of that”. How could I get the ass rape letter and not the initial notice ? It just can’t be. Sure it can. Little miss innocent simply knew when the original notice was mailed and had someone (bad boy, player, thug) intercept your mail. What? That’s not fair. Doesn’t matter. What does matter is that she got a default judgment, or something else to her benefit, because you didn’t show. And now the judge thinks you don’t care. He will not likely believe someone tampered with your mail and you probably cannot prove it anyhow. And now he is pissed off at you.

Solution: Get a post office box. Send registered letters, return receipt requested, to the court, child support agency, ex’s attorney if she is represented (or her if she isn’t yet) and EVERYBODY ELSE INVOLVED that formally notifies them of this change. Do not say why as it makes you look like a whiner. Just do it. Do it as soon as the action is filed. Check this PO Box every day.

About This Elliot Rodgers Thing. Look, It's Not Misogyny or 'Rape Culture' That's To Blame

There has been a ton of talk online since the shooting happened and most of it is centred around misogyny, rape culture and guys feeling entitled to sex with girls who are not interested in them. The mainstream media, bloggers, etc have been postulating about this stuff and the answers they put forth are almost always missing the point. It's really, really, REALLY simple and it's not about hating women or seeing them as objects.

It's ignorance of human biology.

We men (and women, but the focus for now is on men) all have a biologically imposed need for sex and the objects of said need are going to be largely the same (ie, 'hot girls') as the 'hot ones' are the ones that bear the indicators of good genetic material. You know, youth, symmetry, health, hip to waist ratio, etc*(see below). These guys don't lust after these girls because they think of them as objects that they have a right to; they lust after them because millennia of evolutionary imperatives compel them to. This is exactly the same type of compulsion that drives women to want to feel safe and protected with their man. Are these women viewing men as security objects? Oh, what's that? "That's different?" Okay, explain how without just implying that sex is somehow less valid a need than security.

Hmmm...silence. Odd.

Want a hint? Either we all view one another as objects (because we ALL want certain things from someone else) or none of us do and it's all a part of life. You don't get to pick and choose which needs are 'okay' and which needs are 'objectifying' people. Doing that is simply sexism; ironically the very charge you're levying against the guys for wanting sex (which you do too, right?).

Look, snarkiness aside, all guys want sex; the only difference is the Elliot Rodgers' of the world never get their urges satiated. Year after year of this resulting in them becoming enraged after years of frustration is understandable and NOT a symptom of rampant misogyny. It's simply frustrated biological urges manifesting in a terrible, terrible way.

The real answer is not gun control, blogging about rape culture or any of that other nonsense: It's education, better communication in our society regarding sex and relationships, a removal of the stigma against male sex toys and legalized and affordable prostitution for guys who cannot get laid but really need to. You'll never get rid of the urges, nor can you change the fact that some guys will never get said urges satiated. So what you do is allow them to legally and safely satiate those urges, thereby allowing it to be done without harming another person.

You'll never get guys to stop lusting after women. And to think if you just educate them about "women not being objects" they will stop feeling this way is really missing the point. If you think you can condition this into them then logically you could condition the girls to be into the guys they aren't into, right? I mean, men aren't objects and maybe that nerd is an excellent person- if only she could get past her culturally induced ideas about what is attractive, right?

Oh, what's that? Suddenly biology is a factor?

Make up your damn minds!

I'll end this with this thought: Even if he did view women as "objects" how did those women view him? As nothing. would you rather be sexualized or totally ignored?

*Right here is where the 'women as objects crowd' will get all excited and say "see! he's talking about them like they are objects as well." Here's something you all need to hear, so listen up: People have physical characteristics and it is these characteristics upon which they are judged by men when it comes to sexuality. This is much in the same way as THOSE SAME GIRLS JUDGE THE GUYS AS NOT BEING 'WORTHY' OF SEX. Either both sides are objectifying the other, or neither is. Pick one but stop putting the onus on the guys only. As i pointed out above, if you want to talk about sexism, it's actually here in this area, and it's against men. Women categorize men all day long but anytime they feel like a guy might be categorizing them suddenly there's an epidemic of men viewing women like they are pieces of non sentient meat.

Women Should Be Treated Like Corporations

I know how that may sound, but bear with me here.

There are a bunch of women out there vying for your investment (emotional, time, and yes, even money) and just like real companies, not all are solid investments. When you invest in stock you do an inventory of the companies' history (business dealings and practices, financials, etc) the current price at which their shares are being traded and you make an educated guess as to how their future will play out. If it seems favourable, you invest. If it does not, you don't. Simple. No guarantees (you can still lose everything) but you're not just dumping your eggs into the first basket that comes along. You are investing in the one that is least likely to cause you to lose everything/most likely to pay off. 

This is exactly how you should treat women. You don't just throw your currency (love) into the first thing that comes your way (or every thing that ever comes your way). Not all are deserving of it and you will get burned. Invest in the best ones only, and reduce your risk. 

On Guys Being "In Trouble" and Being Servants: Observations at Birthday Party

*This was written a few weeks ago*

So this weekend I attended a birthday party. There were several couples there and I noticed a disturbing trend. You know the classic relationship dynamic (especially these days) where they are out in public and somehow, the guy always ends up "in trouble?" He usually says something she doesn't like (often a joke) and he gets "the look?" Then they have that awkward whispered conversation, or that even worse nonverbal one, either way it's in public so they're trying to do it discreetly but holding back so they aren't really saying anything?

Well, there was a lot of that going on at this party. The guy would get "in trouble" (usually the "look") and then awkwardly try to explain himself to her but without fully having the actual conversation because there were people around. Then, if they think there's no one looking, the guys will often kiss her and talk to her with that annoying babying voice, trying to soothe her and get back in her good graces.

Every single time there was an issue, it was the girl getting annoyed at the guy, and almost always over a joke or just something he said. Well, the thing I really noticed more so now than ever before was the fact that these guys will often look at the woman after making a joke to make sure that he's not getting "the look."

It's almost like they are kids dealing with a humourless mommy.

The other thing I noticed was that whenever something needed to be grabbed from the car, another room, or even 5 feet away, it seems to always be the guy that has to do it. The most painful one was my cousin forgetting her camera in the car and instead of going to get it she said to her fiance (oh, the camera is still in the car." His response? "Well you know where the car is." Right on brother......oh wait, except for the fact that he said it in a voice that betrayed the fact that not only was he joking, but he was doing it overtly so, in an effort to let her know that he didn't really mean it. What was her reaction? A dirty look, followed by him saying "of course I'll go get it".....which he did, right away.

Bunch of pandering, snivelling, grovelling little manslaves. Do they have no self respect?

"I'm Already Bored With My Marriage" Marriage Advice From Logan at Cosmopolitan Magazine (And Then The Truth, From Me)

Ask Logan, taken from COSMO

I’ve been married for a year, but with my husband for almost five years all together. Within the past seven months, I have felt like we are drifting apart. When we’re together, we have nothing to talk about or everything he says annoys me. We are often in the same room together playing on our phones because there’s nothing to talk about. I was recently contacted by an old fling, someone I had a huge crush on for about five years and was good friends with. We only slept together twice but never actually dated. While talking to this guy, I felt giddy and all my previous feelings resurfaced. It felt as though I had never met my husband. I am conflicted and don’t know what I should do. I love my husband dearly, but I honestly feel bored with our relationship.

Their response:

Unfortunately, you’re not alone. There’s often a lull, right after the excitement of the engagement and the thrill of the wedding, when the honeymoon period peters out and two new spouses suddenly realize that they’re not newlyweds anymore: They’re just another married couple, sitting in another living room, playing Candy Crush on separate phones. And since you were together for four years before the wedding, I’m sure you have those days when you think that the wedding didn’t change much: that you are, in some sense, right back where you started.
You sound so disconnected — and you mention twice that you’re unable to even talk to each other. So, of course, this old flame rekindled some old passion. There’s nothing wrong with a little flirting: Everyone flirts a little. It feels good to be desired. But you have to know your limits (and your partner’s limits), and right now, you seem dangerously confused. It’s one thing to flirt harmlessly when you know it’s not going anywhere, but you’re playing with fire when you’re unhappy in your marriage and don’t know what you want. It’s probably not worth the risk. So think this through.
You say you love him dearly, so if you do, do not strike up some ill-conceived affair. It’s only been a year since you took your vows, so it’s too early to get complacent, and it’s too early to become fatalistically convinced that nothing is ever going to change. You’ve got to focus on your marriage and not distract yourself. So, before you do anything else, tell your husband how you’re feeling: Don’t let quiet resentment gnaw away at your relationship from the inside. Start a discussion about how the reality of your marriage is different from your expectations. And try to get a handle on what’s going on in his head too. He doesn’t sound that happy, either.
Then maybe do something pro-active. This might sound cheesy, but maybe you should break up the monotony with a vacation. Get out of that house where you’re always on your phones. Take a break, even if it’s just for a weekend. Try to talk and have fun and reconnect.
And try to stop thinking about this former crush. Since you are distraught, I’d recommend that you cut him out of your life until you know what you want. Think about it: There are probably reasons you only slept with this old flame and never dated him. And there are certainly many more reasons you loved your husband so much that you put a ring on his finger.

Now reality, courtesy of me:

Dear everyone who writes a litter like this:
The truth is, monogamy is not our biological norm and as such marriage is contrary to our nature. This sort of stuff will ALWAYS happen because the situation you're in is stupid to begin with and if we had been taught reality from the start no one would be in this mess.

Signed,

reality.