I'm not MGTOW because I "hate women" and I'm not an incel. It's ALL about MINDSET/CLARITY

I had an easy lay up present itself to me after several years of voluntary celibacy following a period of "going monk mode." This was a pretty, younger woman recently divorced and looking for a good time with no strings (allegedly.....we know how that always turns out). We "connected" and it was a natural, easy dynamic. She left me her number and email address on her way out (she was a patient of mine and yes we can date patients and no I am not a doctor but am in medical).

That entire day at work my mind was on her. It was a constant struggle to focus on my work and that has *not* been the case at all since I *went mgtow* several years prior. Thinking about her, me, projecting into the future, thinking about sex, maybe we'll both get remarried, maybe we'll date for a while, maybe we'll be fwb's, body looks good but how is it actually under the clothes since she's a bit over 30, what about me I have old man balls now, do I want to start spending money on dates and do I want to start having to go through the whole "game playing" process again, oh fuck do I have to start maintaining a "wardrobe" again, do I- blah blah blah blah blah blah blah......

A few hours of this and it hit me: THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I STOPPED TO BEGIN WITH! It's fucking *all consuming*. Just a *whiff* and I was already mentally checked out of my mission and now focused on her her her.......I threw away the card she left me, did not go to the dad/daughter yoga thing she invited me to (she teaches yoga.....god that flexibility would have been fu- see, there it goes again!) and got back to doing 'me.'

Never again. I'm staying celibate for the rest of my life- it's the best thing I have ever done. I've never been better mentally or physically and I don't want to throw away all of this progress/potential. It might be mental failing on my part and if so, so be it but either way relationships/sex just don;t figure into my mission any more.

Kids and Drugs II

In my experience as a father of a 5 year old daughter there's nothing in life that more poignantly exemplifies the notion of things in life being both immensely beneficial and seriously detrimental than does having a kid. I have previously written about the downsides of having a kid before so I will just summarize some of them in bulletpoint:

-Tremendous drain on time
-Tremendous drain on resources
--Seriously, the time drain. I have to say it again because "holy fuck can I just have 5 min. alone?" is a common thought
-Being woken up at 6:20am with the lights being turned on, a kid jumping on you, being asked to play, etc
-In a span of 3 hours you might be asked 100 questions
-You have to play the same kids games over and over and fake enthusiasm each time
-You have to consider another person and physically take them with you whenever you plan to do anything
-Dealing with things like tantrums, crying, screaming, shit, piss, puke, injuries, spills (constant spills at certain ages), etc
-Just having to constantly be "on-" You're a teacher, a mentor, a guard, a babysitter, a cook, a cleaner etc all day long

Now, all that aside, all that shit you hear about parenting being the greatest, most rewarding endeavour in the world is (mostly) true. There are moments between her and I that are truly the happiest and most endearing of any in this life and I sincerely mean that. The feelings that your little one can engender within you are far and away better, more intense and more satisfying than any you can experience elsewhere. It always sounded ridiculous to me when I was younger but now I find myself experiencing it: I will sometimes think about her and I will feel myself starting to tear up (or feel like I am close to it). She is the greatest, sweetest, brightest thing in my life and I am completely dedicated to doing the best job I can so as to allow her to become a self actualized, competent, happy, free spirited, inquisitive, motivated human (and in all honesty, so far so good, but not solely because of me; she plays a huge role in it herself).

Here's What They Don't Tell You About Having Kids (And the Love you feel for them)

Parenting, on a day by day, minute to minute basis is a LOT of work, both physical and mental.

"Oh, I know that," you say.

Do you? Do you really know that?

Imagine being woken up at 6:20am by a fully energized kid ready to start the day off with a wrestling match, or a walk to the park when all you want to do is sleep (but you cannot) so you get up and you start the day. By 1pm you've already made breakfast for two, wrestled, done artwork, watched a kids tv show or two, played outside, cleaned 3 messes, made lunch for two, been asked 1000 questions and pulled in 1000 different directions and have had zero time to yourself. By 1pm you're already halfway to being wiped out but she's not going to be in bed until 8pm and her energy is endless.....btw, if you want to go to the grocery store, good luck. It will take 4 times as long as it would without a kid, unless you make them ride in the cart (and even then they will still find ways to annoy-try to escape, try to grab things off the shelf, ask for everything they see, etc.).

And this is when they are a bit more self sufficient. Take this and add crying/screaming/tantrums for toddlers. Now does doing that over and over sound like something you would want to subject yourself to? It's really not all that fun, at least quite often. It's mostly just tiring, draining work and internally you're just wishing for some time alone. I can see why a lot of parents retreat into their phones, although I HATE that they do it, because it hurts the kids.

Parenting makes you an entertainer, a cleaner, a cook, a boss, a role model, etc.

Those moments that everyone talks about, those "OMG AMAZING MOMENTS" like the "I love you's" and the kisses on the cheek, they are just that-moments. Moments surrounded by hours of work. Everyone points to these moments but neglects to mention the day to day drudgery.

A drug analogy really holds well here. In fact (and this is where I lose people) I believe the 'love' we feel for our children is, as is romantic love, just a chemically induced state (oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin) which we evolved to feel in order to keep us from either abandoning or killing the little buggers. Just think about it: How successful would we have been as a species if we DIDN'T feel that love feeling for the screaming little buggers? And so if this is true, the "love" that we all speak of to justify being a parent (seriously, other dads I talk to agree about what it's like but then invariably go to the "ya, but I love him/her/them and when they give you that random hug it's all worth it!") is actually the 'trick' if you will, that nature plays on us to keep us committed to the kids. We romanticize the shit out of what I believe to simply be an evolved trick of sorts.

Now, that all being said, as they age things change and it can become less one sided and more of a real friendship/relationship rather than just a worker/recipient situation. My daughter is now 5 and she is truly a kindhearted, intelligent, funny and fun kid and the feeling of things being "work" is much less frequent (and intense) as it used to be. Chunks of the day really have become less like work and more just hanging out and having an honestly good time. For example, we'll go on nature walks along the water or in a nearby forest and during times like that it's all exploration, inquisitiveness, appreciation and bonding between the two of us. She is getting much better behaved and so even going to the store has become less stressful (some days, some days I still want to kill her) and as long as you mediate your feelings, have an open heart, treat them well, etc you can have a good time.

But even then it's still a LOT of work and a total drain on your once free time, so potential parents should THINK HARD about the day to day realities rather than just the "aawww moments." Those "aww moments" are a high and the rest of the day is spent doing the drudgery no one really talks about when you mention wanting kids.

Women Should Be Treated Like Corporations

I know how that may sound, but bear with me here.

There are a bunch of women out there vying for your investment (emotional, time, and yes, even money) and just like real companies, not all are solid investments. When you invest in stock you do an inventory of the companies' history (business dealings and practices, financials, etc) the current price at which their shares are being traded and you make an educated guess as to how their future will play out. If it seems favourable, you invest. If it does not, you don't. Simple. No guarantees (you can still lose everything) but you're not just dumping your eggs into the first basket that comes along. You are investing in the one that is least likely to cause you to lose everything/most likely to pay off. 

This is exactly how you should treat women. You don't just throw your currency (love) into the first thing that comes your way (or every thing that ever comes your way). Not all are deserving of it and you will get burned. Invest in the best ones only, and reduce your risk. 

Being Single Is Selfish....Sure, But Relationships Are Just As Selfish

Find that shocking? Ridiculous? Demeaning? Insulting, even? Okay, tell me: Why do YOU get into relationships then? Why does anyone?

(Note: This is a follow up of sorts to an earlier post I did regarding the selfishness of having kids. Click HERE if you want to read that one.)

 Here are some (arguably) selfless reasons (I say arguably given the selfish altruism theory popular in some psychology circles):

My Dog Maya

Meet my dog Maya:

Yes, I know; she's adorable. And yes, she's crossing her paws in the second pic. Why is she crossing her paws, you ask? I don't know. Why is she wearing a sock on her head in the following pic?

Sock it to me, baby

She does both of these things for reasons that are likely to be forever unknown to me and I wouldn't have it any either way. I may very well have the world's most enigmatic dog. 

Okay, you say. She is enigmatic. And admittedly very cute (although she looks a little you know......if dogs rode in schoolbuses as pups she would have rode in the short one, nomsayin'?). What else is she? 

What else else she? Well, let me show you:

Welcome to Mayaland. 

How Do You Feel About Love/Relationships At This Point In Your Life?

This was a forum topic I recently encountered and the following was my response:

At this point, having been married, single and everything in between, as well as seeing the experiences of people around me and reading about these things online, I have to say that I am opposed to relationships in which the two parties are living together. At least for now. I own my own house and am perfectly content being alone in it. I have absolutely no desire to live with another woman at this point (I have lived with 2 in my life).

As far as relationships that don't involve cohabitation go, I am not necessarily opposed to them but at this point in my life I don't even want that. To be honest, I have much more fun hanging out with friends/my brother than I ever did with a girlfriend/my ex wife. Really, if you take sex out of it, you have a friend, but in most cases, one that isn't as fun to be around as are your male friends since females and males are often so different (what they consider fun, the conversations you can have, etc). Of course I am generalizing here but that's the nature of the conversation.

I really believe that despite what we tell ourselves, access to sex might really be the biggest/most potent motivator for the forming of relationships. Not many relationships survive without it and guys will go to extreme lengths to put up with **** that they would NEVER take from friends and the reason for that is sexual desire- which, if you really want to deconstruct this, is simply the biological urge to procreate. I believe that alone is the basis for all of it, and everything else is  a nice little narrative constructed around it.

The Next Chapter Of My Life Is Underway

Ciao
Bon Giorno
Hello
Ola

How are you doing? Well I hope :) I myself am doing quite well. I mean, not specifically at the moment (lots of pain related to my Crohn's disease) but overall I am doing GREAT, and the recent events in my life which constitute this newfound contentment are the subject of this latest blog post. I might work some in towards the end of this but I cannot guarantee it, so if you're a regular reader hoping to read something that pertains to the main topics covered in this blog I want to warn you right now that this post may offer you nothing of note and as such you may want to simply turn back and return when I post the next update. So, that preamble/warning aside, what exactly has been happening in my life lately that has made me so happy?

Let's go through the list, shall we?

Moderate Muslims Don't Like Being Lumped In with Extremists? Well, Differentiate Yourselves!!

NOTE: This is an old entry that was sitting in my drafts and I decided to upload it as it reflects the state of mind I was in at a specific time in my life. Glancing over it, I guess it must have been during the Danish cartoonist controversy. Edit: No, the South Park controversy. 

So, in this blog I am going to be frank. I find myself harboring quite the distaste for Islam as of late, and I feel as though my opinions of it are becoming biased to an unfair degree. Now, I do, 100% acknowledge that the vocal majority is actually a minority, but damn it, I'm not hearing too many voices from the moderate camp coming up to try and join the conversation. I mean, it might be tough to hear them over the explosions, but the-

See?

That's not nice.

Or isn't it? It's fucking true, is it not?

See?

This is what I mean.

Work to Live, or Live to Work

A story I read on a message board (of course this is either embellished or straight up b.s., but I like the message):

An American tourist was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.

Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The tourist complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."

The tourist then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"

The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs."

The tourist then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."

The tourist scoffed, " I can help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You could leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you could run your ever-expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"

The tourist replied, "15 to 20 years."

"But what then?" asked the Mexican.

The tourist laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time is right you would sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions?...Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

My Own Religion- An Atheist Creates His Own Religion

My Own Religion- An Atheist Creates His Own Religion

So, if an atheist were to start a religion, what would this religion be like?

This is a question I have been thinking about on and off for some time. Sure, this wouldn't ever really happen, as a religion without a god is not a religion, but it's an interesting thought experiment that I think brings up some valid points and demonstrates how lacking the existing religions really are (not that there are not good ideas contained within; there are). So, what would my religion be like, exactly, if I were to create one?

Let's find out!

Oh Father's Day

Yes, Father's Day. The day when sons and daughters are supposed to go up and greet dad with the obligatory ''Happy Father's Day.'' Or for those who live far away, call him up (or text for the laziest of bastards). Like Mother's Day, it's nothing but an excuse to buy more shit and to force people to go out of their way to show an artificial type of love. Society pressures you to go out to dinner or buy gifts, otherwise you are seen as an unloving chump. Commercials pop up, proclaiming ''YOUR DAD IS THE GREATEST, SO BUY THIS SHIT FOR HIM NOW!!!!!!''  Phone commercials are among the worst offenders of this.