AP, Worldwide.
There is a new movement growing worldwide. Called 'Doctors WITH Borders,' the movement consists of doctors who are sick and tired of having their hard work passed over when it comes time to extend credit, in favour of that entity known as 'God.'
These doctors have decided that any patient who, after receiving medical care, states that god has saved (or is saving) them, is no longer eligible to receive medical treatment. Patients are having IV's pulled, prescriptions withdrawn, casts cut off, dialysis machines shut down, life support unplugged, and, in one recent case, two recently transplanted lungs removed.
We spoke with Dr. Julie Phelps, a cardiothoracic surgeon who, upon hearing her patient thank 'God' after waking in the recovery room after receiving a double lung transplant, put the patient back under and removed the lungs. The patient died soon after, and the family thanked 'God' for the quick and painless death. Dr. Phelps, hearing this, has quit the practise and speaks to us now from the beaches of Mexico.
“I got so sick of working hard to improve patients' quality of life, only to have them thank an invisible man in the sky rather than thanking myself and my team for spending hours working diligently, applying our specialized training, in an effort to save these ungrateful people. So, here I am. Let 'God' save them.”When we inquired as to how she justified this, having sworn to uphold the Hippocratic Oath, she answered with the following:
The Hippocratic Oath has been superceded by the Give Credit Where It's Due or Die Oath.There are currently 33,565 doctors registered in the movement, and the ranks are growing exponentially. Since the movement began, health indexes show vastly increased numbers of deaths from disease and injury, and an increase in the severity of symptoms for those affected but still alive. We spoke to an American Pastor regarding this.
“Well, I think that the fact that doctors quitting or retracting treatments has nothing to do with the worsening of the health of people worldwide. What it is, really, is God working through the doctors to accomplish his will.”When pressed for a reason why 'God' would want people to suffer, the pastor neglected to comment and instead asked for a donation to his church. We declined. He and the downcast looking 8 year old boy who stood, rigid and silent, by his side during the interview then headed back inside the rectory.
Stay tuned for more on this story as it develops.
This is a joke...and it is hilarious!
ReplyDeleteIndeed, it is a joke, and thanks :) Glad you enjoyed it!
ReplyDeleteHuh. Sounds like something a Greek doctor would pull off.
ReplyDeleteLol.
ReplyDeleteMan you almost had me. I was getting all worked up while reading this up until that last paragraph. If it wasn't for that and the fact you admit it is a joke in the comment section I would have left a very different comment.
ReplyDeleteBy the way any chance that anonymous commenter was you.
Man, how the hell were people thinking this is real? I don't get it. People on facebook thought so too.
ReplyDeleteAnd no, that comment was left by a person from facebook. They left the same one there.
It seems as believable as people with no knowledge of energy and the environment being chairman of an energy and environment committee.
ReplyDeleteAlso I did catch on before the end of the article. It is just that in this day and age there isn't much I can think of that I wouldn't believe people would do.
"It seems as believable as people with no knowledge of energy and the environment being chairman of an energy and environment committee."
ReplyDeleteTouche ;)