Warrant Out for God's Arrest

Warrant Out for God's Arrest

AP, Heaven

A judge issued a warrant Friday for the arrest of one, God, a 6,000 year old (or so) male after he failed to appear in an L.A. courtroom. God had been subpoenaed to appear in court to testify in a domestic abuse case in which his son, Jesus Christ, also 6,000 years old (we're not sure how that happened either) was on trial for striking one of his apparently numerous (sources say 12) lovers.

The son, Jesus Christ, made waves when he claimed that his father could not appear because, quote:

“I am my father. I am the father, the son, and the holy ghost. I am the trinity.”

A court appointed psychiatrist is scheduled to assess Mr. Christ's mental stability on Monday, which will be the second day of testimony in this trial.

Word has it that the defense team is reluctant to bring in the 11 other (alleged) lovers, because of a fear that they will be used in a smear campaign by the prosecution to malign Mr. Christ's character. It seems though, at this juncture, that any help they can get would be beneficial, as the early buzz is that the prosecution's case is fairly strong. The accuser, one Peter, claimed that:

“He accused me of frolicking with a money changer, and when I denied it he screamed at me that he knew I would deny him. I denied it again and he screamed even louder. When I denied it a third time, he proceeded to pull out a whip and beat me with it.”

No word yet on the location of God. The authorities have requested that anyone with information pertaining to his whereabouts is to call the L.A. police at 555-590-9593 ext. 666. A reward has not been offered at this time. When asked about this, Constable Bob Jones joked that,

“How hard could it be to find one guy? It's not like it's going to take 2000 years or something. We'll find him.”

We will report any more details that we happen to come across as the trial moves forward.