Follow Up to the Epinions.com Situation

Well, if you read the Previous Post you kow I had been unfairly accused of plagarism by a couple of six shootin cowboys with hands too fast for their own good over at http://www.epinions.com/

Well, I have since delted the reviews in question and re-uploaded them with a disclaimer and a link to the external review. This seems to be working thus far, as I now have Very Helpful ratings for all of my reviews as opposed to the Not Helpful rating and comments that refer to me as a theif (Stealing from myself, the nerve of me!).

Well, I have come into contact with a very nice advisor there by the name of Tom and he's been helping me and offering me advice. Nice guy. I also got advice from another nice person or two.

No apologies from the two cowboys, although, to be fair, I don't know that the one has been online since. The other one has, for sure, and didn't say shit to me. Nice, eh? EDIT: The one has since apologized and explained his actions. The other one has not, and I KNOW he's been online.

Terrible Experience with Epinions.com

I signed up at Epinions.com earlier, figuring I could write some new reviews and also add a bunch of reviews from my extensive back catalgue, and hopefully help some more people out. Well, apprently when a guy named magx01 signs up at a site, and posts three reviews from his blog, called magx01.blogspot.com, he's not bringover his own work, he's stealing.

Ya, two advisors there googled my reviews, foud one here, one on gamefaqs, and one on gameronfire, and, rather than assuming that since they are all named magx, and this blog is listed in my epinions profile as my personal website, that I am amgx and I post my reviews to several places, NO NO NO!! they somehowe both leap to the conlcuion that I miust be stealing! And so I now have a tarnished record as a plagarist, for posting my own work. And they don't even have a Private Message system there. HOW STUPID!

I'm amazed that the fact that the name is magx across all three sites didn't clue these guys into the fact that it's the same person. They just automatically assume I'm stealing. They don't even give you a chance to prove otherwise. NOPE. They rate your review NOT HELPFUL, whicch means no one will read it, and they commented on each review with a link to my review on the external site and the accusation.

Fucking amazing. And to think I spent 2 HOURS writing them a nice review of the Nightmare on Elm Street Collection DVD Box Set.

Nice treatment, eh?

Note: Follow Up

A Nightmare On Elm Street 2010: ON TRIAL

Case number C60199H6 is now in session.

Judge: You may now be seated.

Judge: "will the defendant please stand? Mr. Nightmare 2010, how do you plead?"


AOES 2010: "Not guilty, your honour."


Judge: "Plea of not guilty has been entered into the record. Please be seated."

......Some time later

Nightmare 2010 under Cross Examination

Prosecution: "Mr Nightmare 2010, may I call you 2010 for the sake of brevity?"


2010: "Yes, you may."


Prosecution: "Okay, 2010, you say that you are not guilty of living an unjustified existence, correct?"


2010: "That's correct."


Prosecution: "So, it is your contention that you actually [b]DO[/b] have a reason to exist?"


2010: "Yes."


Prosecution: "Let me ask you a question, then. Is your script better than 1984's?"


2010: "......"


Judge: "2010, please answer the prosecution's question."


2010: ",,,,No, my script is not better."


Prosecution: "I see. Is your dialogue better?"


2010: "....No....."


Prosecution: "Interesting. Are you more or less imaginative than 1984?"

2010: "......Less....." (hangs head in shame)

Prosecution: "Uh huh, uh huh. So, tell me, were you better paced?"


2010: "No, sir."


Prosecution: "Huh. Better music?"


2010: "No sir."


Prosecution: "What about your interpretation of the Freddy character? Was yours more interesting?"

2010: ".....Well.........n....no....no sir." (hangs head even lower)

Prosecution: "Did you forgo cheap jump scares for real suspense and tension? Atmosphere? Creepy set pieces and/or events?"


2010: "No......no......no, and.....no."


Prosecution: "Would you say 1984 is unwatchable?"


2010: "No sir."


Prosecution: "I see. Would you say 1984 is a bad movie, a good movie, or a great movie??


2010: "A great movie, sir. A genre classic, really."


Prosecution: "Uh huh..... Tell me, did the effects hold up okay over the years?"


2010: "Mostly, yes sir."


Prosecution: "In fact, was the wall scene not actually superior in the 1984 version? You know, the one 26 years your senior? The one that utilized $5 worth of spandex sheet draped across a hole in the wall as opposed to your fancy shmancy CGI effects that looked like a deleted scene from The Mummy?"


2010: "......Yes....."


Prosecution: "I see. So, tell me then, if you are not better directed, better written, more creative, imaginative, suspenseful or scary, and there's nothing wrong with the original, and the original is widely available....it is widely available, is it not?"


2010: "Yes.......*sigh* Yes sir, it is."


Prosecution: "Okay, 1984 is a great movie that is perfectly watchable today and widely available....and you add nothing of any real value to its legacy, yo fill no gaps, nor enhance anyone's experiences with the original......Tell me, 2010, Why do you exist?


2010: "........"


Judge: "2010, please answer the prosecution's question."


2010: "........"


Judge: "2010, please answer the prosecution's question.!"


2010: "........"


Judge: "2010, please answer the prosecution's question!!"


2010: "........"

Judge: "2010, please answer the prosecution's question!!!"


2010: "What....what was the question again....?"

Prosecution: "Why. Do. You. Exist. ?"

2010: ".... *whispering* .......money."

Prosecution: "Please speak louder, 2010"

2010: "MONEY!!!!!! OKAY? MONEY!! MONEY!!! MONEY!!! MOMEY!!! That's why I exist. Money." *begins to sob uncontrollably*

Prosecution: "Your honour, I'd like to note that the prosecution now rests. No further questions your honour."


Judge: "What say you, councilmen? Do the defence have any further use of your defendant in this line of questioning?"


"No, your honour, the defence.....the defence rests."


Judge: "Well, then it is the position of this court that 2010 is guilty of all charges, and now, having been found to have no reason, no justification for his existence, must be converted to VHS format, whereupon he will be endlessly returned to video stores without being rewound first, and he will have to wait patiently while the person who rented him out fishes for change in his pockets in an exasperated fashion, so he can srape together the fifty cents or whatever it is to pay the fine in order to rent the movie again, and return it without rewinging it. They will be doomed to repeat this cycle over and over, for eternity. And the film that you will watch during the home portion of each of these cycles?

*dramatic pause*

Judge: Yourself!

*crowd gasps*

Judge: CASE CLOSED

A Nightmare On Elm Street 2010 Remake Review

Note: This review is going to structured a bit differently (okay, a lot differently) than one would expect a movie review to be structured. I am going to compare my pre-viewing assessment of this film with my post-viewing assessment to see how they compare, and then I will offer a list of pros/cons and good sized summation, both pertaining directly to this film.

Anyone reading this, please, if you wish, let me know how this novel (to me, at least) format works for you compared to a more traditional reivew, and of course, feel free to agree or disagree with my assessment of this film.

Initial Thoughts on the ANOES Remake: How Accurate was I?

Well, I have now seen the A Nightmare on Elm Street remake. I did not spend any money on it, but I got the chance to see it free and so I jumped at it. I had struggled with my resolve not to give in and pay to see this (I didn't want to support it, or the general remake trend) and I am sad to say my resolve was faltering, but, serendipitously, I got the chance to see it for free, and so, as I already stated, I jumped at that chance, and have now, for better or for worse (we'll soon find that out muahahaha....lame, I know.....muaahahah- okay, I'll stop) seen the movie.

So, what I am going to do here is post the impressions I'd had of the remake going in, based upon the large number of reviews and tons of viewer feedback that I had read online (and also good old fashioned inference based upon previous works of the people involved and the current state of American horror), and then after each point, add my present standing on that point, since I have now seen the movie.

And so, what we will find out is how accurate I was in my initial (negative) assessments of the merits (or lack thereof) of this new 2010 version of a 1984 genre classic.

Note: I will put the original statements in black, and my accuracy assessments in red.

1) Freddy's look. I know that's more realistic, but he lost the demonic look that I loved. However, I am willing to admit a part of this is likely nostalgia.

Ugh.......

I still hated it at first, but by the end I merely disliked it.....strongly. Okay, perhaps mildly. If they do make 2 more sequels, and I do see them, I suppose by the end of it I'll have gotten to the point where his new face is at least no longer distracting.

2) HIS VOICE!!Freddy sounded demonic. Now he sounds like a breathless Rocky Balboa. Not scary in the least and this alone is a huge dealbreaker for me.

Absolutely fucking horrible. A slow talking, mouth breathing, Dark Knight sound alike. No, just....no. I refuse to budge on this point even a millimetre. Oh, wait, save for one redeeming quality. The laugh. Haley approximated Enlgund's exquisite balance between sinister and maniacal and he did so without trying too hard to sound like Englund. In doing so, I'd say he did a great job with the laugh. It immediately called to mid Englund's, as it was similar, but not in a way that made you nostalgic nor angry for him trying to copy it. Well done on that one!

3) Based upon several reviews and viewer feedback it seems as though the ''scares'' were pretty much the loud BAM sound followed by a sudden appearance of Freddy. I HATE the overuse of jump scares. It's cheap, cheesy, manipulative and indicative of the fact that these guys are creatively bankrupt and don't understand shit about horror or what Craven did with the original ANOES.

This wasn't quite as bad as I expected, but still bad and indicative of the things I said it would be. It wasn't AS bad, but definitely, definitely over relied upon.

4) I read that the nightmare scenes are always telegraphed via musical and aesthetic changes. Part of what I loved with the original series is you often weren't immediately aware that you were in 'dream world' if you will. There were some surprises. Some.....unknown. Some...suspense.

Every single one of them, save for maybe one (can't recall for sure) was telegraphed via aesthetic changes, as I said. The dream sequences themselves were also unimaginative and unoriginal.

5) The footage I have seen features a very wooden Nancy. Langenkamp might not win any awards but at least she had expression and depth.

She actually wasn't that bad. Not great, but certainly not horrible, and the way her character was handled sort of approached (but did not match) what Craven did with his Nancy. One of the better elements of the film, I thought.

6) The people involved do it solely for money, and they are hacks. They didn't even care to try and involve any of the original people. No Craven, no Saxon, no Lagenkamp and no Englund.

Now, this is a 'reboot' so this makes some sense. Well, Englund could have played Krueger but the rest make sense. Except for one: Craven. They didn't bother to get input from the one man who truly understood Krueger, and the one man who had vision. Idiots.

Not much to add here, although I guess I can say that, while I would never pick Bayer to direct another one, his direction wasn't the main issue here.

7) I don't want to support this remake bullshit. They fucked up FF13, they destroyed Halloween, the are fucking up Krueger (although I can't fully say this until I see it, which of course I'll end up doing at some point, let's be real, but hopefully for free after my brother buys the DVD) and they have completely destroyed so many others. Black Christmas, Prom Night, Psycho (not that I'm a huge fan of the original), Dawn of the Dead, etc etc etc

Saw it free, so I can still feel that I did not betray my sensibilities on this one.

8) WHERE THE FUCK IS THE ORIGINAL SCORE?? It's the best damn horror score EVER.

True, and a damn shame. The only element that was present from it was the little piano melody, but it only made it into the film for a brief moment or two.

9) CGI. The clip of Freddy coming out the wall looks so fucking fake now, whereas the budget shot with no CGI from 1984 still looks better today.

Absolutely true. In fact, the few scenes that they did copy from the original both felt out of place (they were just haphazardly thrown in) and sucked in this one. I won't describe them all for the sake of brevity, but the scene in the original with Tina in the bodybag and the ensuing boiler room scene were fucking destroyed in the new one with a limp, shitty, weak ass approximation of only half of the original scene, and even then, it sucked.

The one good one was the bedroom scene involving Kris (Tina) and whatever his name was (Rod) which I thought actually matched the original. They did i a bit differently, and I'd say they did really well with it. The few omissions where made up for by the new way in which Kris/Tina is physically manipulated by Freddy in that small space. Evocative of a classic Poltergeist scene, without feeling like a ripoff of either that or the NOES scene from which it drew inspir- well, copied. Kudos to them on this one.

10) They all know what's going on way too early, and they come to know it way too easily. The original had a slow, suspenseful buildup where Nancy and co. tried to piece together what was happening.

Yes and no. They don't get the whole story right away. But the whole ''let's piece together this mystery'' thing starts like 5 minutes in to the movie, which does destroy a lot of the tension and pacing.

Maybe I'll end up liking it, but I doubt it. The guys behind the project just don't see horror the way I do, and I don't think I'll enjoy what they did to ANOES. Still, I admit I may be wrong. There's .000003% chance of it :)

Well, I don't love it, but, surprisingly, I don't hate it. It's....okay. Ho hum. Here are just a few (again, for the sake of brevity) of the hits and misses that I have not mentioned thus far:

Misses:

1) Haley's Freddy not only looked and sounded worse, he moved in a more boring manner, and he did not do anything creative. He stalked his victims in a slow and linear fashion, typical of more mundane slasher villains. His mannerisms and actions were just bland, and Haley brought nothing new, save for one small tick, a swishing sort of thing he did with the blades, conveying Freddy's anxiousness and desire to slice and dice (this was a decent little tic, I thought). Other than that, nothing, and he lost so much.

2) He lost that 1950's spaghetti western swagger, the running (he never ran once, for fuck's sake he's not Jason or Michael!), the toying with his victims in ways other than the slow approach/oh I'm gone/boo mechanic so often utilized in this one (remember the amazing alley scene, or the jail scene with Rod? Ya, none of that) and of course the voice. Another thing that sucked where his lines, but that was the damn writers' fault. Man, for the most part, they wrote some shitty dialogue for everyone, not just Haley, but his especially....ugh. And they stole lines straight from Nightmare 4 and FvsJ, but they were shitty and out of place lines.

3) The kills were terribly uncreative. The best one was one lifted directly from the original. That right there should tell you something.

4) They did not develop the character of Nancy's mother at all, nor did they really develop her relationship with her daughter. Thus, they lost one of the strongest and central elements of the original film: the mother daughter relationship, and how the dynamic shifted as the film progressed, so that by the climax and subsequent denouement, Nancy had become the parent in the relationship, and consequently, had learned to take care of herself.

This not only set up the final confrontation with Krueger, but it was also a statement regarding the changes to the so called ''nuclear'' family that had been rapidly progressing during that decade. Nancy's father was nowhere to be seen (not a statement, I assure you).

5) The pacing. Much too quick, and far too many dream sequences/too much Freddy.

Hits:

1) The supporting cast wasn't that bad. Some rough moments here and there, but really, not that bad.

2) The last 15 minutes or so, up until the HORRIBLE last 2 minutes, were quite good, and in those 12-15 minutes, I saw some actual damn passion, or at least, some glimpses of it, a bit of creativity, and hell, even a genuinely creepy couple of moments. This, Kris' (Tina's) bedroom scene (although the preceding outdoor sequence SUCKED SO HARD compared to the amazing alley sequence in the original) and a few other moments were pretty good.

3) They did NOT make Freddy innocent, as I had heard they had considered doing (and had in fact even done, in early script drafts). This is crucial. You make pre-dead Freddy an innocent victim, you make Freddy Krueger a sympathetic character. You make him sympathetic, suddenly you feel sad for him rather than afraid of him.

4) Freddy had a few genuinely good lines amidst his mediocre and downright bad ones. Of course, one of his very best was stolen from Nightmare 1 (and the still managed to miss a word) but a few of the new ones were good, and creepy).

5) Very good one here: Freddy was menacing, dark, and serious. No clowning around here, and that's how I like him. He toys with his victims, but in a deliberately malicious, evil way. No flying around on a broomstick in a witch costume shouting out ''I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog, too!'' like in Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare. While that was an admittedly funny and fun, campy moment from a cheesy, campy, fun (but not scary) 5th sequel, I'm very glad they avoided going in that direction for this film. This was the ANOES 1, 2 and 7 Krueger, and that's good..

6) Along the same lines as the last point, the entire movie maintained a serious tone, or at least tried to (some of the shitty lines nearly killed it). It was dark and dreary, and almost 100% sans jokes, which was great. The teens weren't partying it up and telling stupid jokes, and they weren't even heavily stereotyped. Both of these things were refreshing, and demonstrated that the producers and Sam Bayer had at least enough knowledge of the series to realize that this is not your typical ''kill the sluts and drug users and have your virgin be your ''final girl'' slasher movie.

Summation:Old comment: So, a note to Platinum Dunes: I want my fucking childhood back, you assholes. I don't recall putting it on the market, so I have no idea how you fuckers bought and sold it, but I want it back. Now, give it back, or I'll......I'll......kil- no, no, that's not it......I'll, I'll, beat- no, no, that's not it either.....I'll I'll.....su-no, no that's not it.....Ah, Hell. I'll keep blogging about you!!! And you don't want that, trust me. I have a HUGE audience and immeasurable influence. I can get people to boycott your ass, and let me tell you, you'd lose at least $23.00. You want to test me? You want to test me motherfuckers? Go ahead, if you think it's worth $23.00, go right the fuck ahead, you childhood stompin fart brains!!!!

New Comment: Well, Platinum Dunes did not completely destroy this movie, but they truly and honestly made a movie that need not exist. It did not contribute to the series in any meaningful way, it will never be heralded as a genre classic, it was almost entirely unable to upstage the 26 year old original, and in fact, even (mostly) failed when it tried to directly copy it.

However, they did treat Freddy with the right idea, keeping him serious and sinister, and at least the scenes all didn't take place in the light of day. I also thought that the introduction of micronaps made for a great, and logical plot device, which served to increase the tension (what little of it there was) although they predictably fucked up the science of it somewhat, and of course, they also mostly used it for jump scares.....*sigh*.

The Nightmare on Elm Street Remake is like a glossed up version of the original classic with most of the originality and nuance removed, and in is place was too quick of a pace and too much standard genre fare. It was also rushed, as I already alluded to several times, and crucial elements like Nancy's absent (in different ways) parental influences were completely absent, which took away from the significance of her eventual resilience and finding the courage to fight back (which actually sucked in this one compared to the original). Also, the kills were mediocre and not particularly interesting , horrifying, or visually arresting, save for one ( of course a copy from ANOES 1) and Freddy was a heavy breathing, slow talking, almost lisping weirdo who exuded no real personality. Not like Englund's Freddy did.

Still, the bones of a Nightmare film will, or at leatst, shold, always make for a good horror story, and I guess I can say that, technically, this one was probably better than The Dream Child and Freddy's Dead, although those ones at least had campiness to them that lends itself to repeat viewing over the years. This one, on the other hand, lacks both that factor AND the impact and resonance of the perfect mixture of deeper thematic undertones and excellent, nuanced horror, leading to an average at best Nightmare flick, and a pretty good horror flick in general.

I can say this: I enjoyed this more than any other horror movie I have seen in the last few months, although even my love for all things Freddy could not elevate this higher than the last few greats I have seen in the last year or so, both coming out of France: Haute Tension (High Tension) and A L' Interiur (Inside).

Both of those are absolutely excellent horror films that I recommend anyone reading this who loves horror to try and get their hands on and eyes in front of, although they are VERY brutal films that will require a strong disposition and a strong, healthy heart to be able to handle literally an hour and a half of solid tension and suspense. Those two movies are frightening and disturbing, and I absolutely loved them. They were the two best horror films I have seen since the seminal horror film coming out of the UK in 2006, the absolutely effective The Descent.

I will be looking towards France for the next while to get my horror fix, as this movie, while perhaps better than most of the other American ones I have seen as of late (thanks mostly to the characters created by Wes Craven and not much of anything these guys did themselves, save for a select few cool scenes) just will not cut it for me.

I guess they can be commended for making a good horror film at a time where good American horror films are few and far between, and this movie is probably their best remake, which isn't saying much, since, save for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake (which might actually be better than this one, but I haven't seen it since 2003, so I need to rewatch it before making a verdict on that one) the rest of them, from what I have seen ad heard, have fucking sucked ass.

Ah well, I have only spent actual money on two of them (TCM and F13th) and one of those was actually good. The Friday the 13th remake blew chunks, and I will say that I am soooo glad that they didn't give this movie that treatment...yuck. At least this one is somewhat competent, on some levels.

FINAL VERDICT:

I will score the A Nightmare on Elm Street 2010 an underwhelming but competent 6.5/10 when assessing it as a standard horror film (decent acting, cool villain, medicore scares, not particularly inspired, pacing issues).

When compared to the film it so unnecessarily 'remade.' I feel that I must rate this film a disappointing 4/10.

QUESTIONS/FINAL WORD:

Perhaps it's just me, but shouldn't a movie be remade if it's warranted, and if the remake surpasses/improves upon the source material? If it doesn't, I have to ask, as I find myself doing since seeing this movie......

WHAT'S THE FUCKIN POINT?

Never Sleep Again: The Nightmare on Elm Street Legacy Review

I'll say it right off the bat: This is absolutely a must see for Nightmare fans. Now, before you roll your eyes and assume that this is the typical fanboy-gushing-over-any-product-related-to-his-favourite-nostalgia-wrapped-series, I want to tell you right off that I was entirely skeptical of this package, and hesitated for quite some time before finally deciding to give it a shot (after reading much about it online).

I will readily admit that I thought this was going to be a cheap cash in on the buzz surrounding the remake, and while the timing may be a bit....suspect (or at least can't hurt) I can say that regardless of what you may think it started out as, this thing is a well crafted and clearly loved piece of film, into which a LOT of work clearly went, and absolutely, in no way, strikes one as a cheap cash in. This thing was lovingly and meticulously crafted.

The DVD package contains the main feature, Never Sleep Again: The Nightmare on Elm Street Legacy, which amazingly clocks in at an astonishing four hours. Yes, 4 hours. The documentary consists of interviews with cast and crew from all 8 of the Nightmare films (yes, Freddy vs. Jason is included, although I myself do not count it as a Nightmare film per se....and neither do some of the NOES crew, as you will learn) interspersed with very well done stop motion animation, film clips, behind the scene footage, deleted scenes, production and set photos, and more. Included in the interviews are, as you would expect, Wes Craven, Robert Englund, Bob Shaye (who I do not particularly like, to be honest, although I do have him to thank for many memories), Rachel Talalay, and Heather Langenkamp. However, what really sets this documentary apart is the very exhaustive list of people interviewed.

See, the films are discussed in chronological order, and so cast and crew interviews are edited together to form a cohesive discussion about each film. This editing is seamless, and the filmmakers should be commended on taking what must have been 40 or more hours of footage and editing them down to a precise, coherent, well paced 4 hours. The filmmakers tracked down as many people as they possibly could, leading to an extensive list of writers, directors, producers, actors and actresses, set design people, and special effects people being included. Hell, even an extra was interviewed (Girl on Bus #2 from ANOES2: Freddy's Revenge is included, most likely because she starred on a TV show with Heather Langenkamp, but still). They got basically anyone you could think of, save for Johnny Depp and Patricia Arquette.

Some of the names present include Lisa Zane, Rodney Eastmen, John Saxon, Tuesday Knight, Monica Keenan, Brooke Theiss, Lisa Wilcoxx, JoAnn Willette, Jsu Garcia (aka Nick Corri) and more. Hell, they even managed, after a LOT of effort, to track down Mark Patton (the infamous Jesse from part 2) who left Hollywood long ago for the anonymity of a private life in Mexico. And you'll be glad they did, as he provides some of the most fun moments of the documentary. He's a very entertaining interview, and, as I alluded to earlier with the packages comment, he and the others from A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge finally all, as a group, discuss, at length (no pun intended) the long standing rumours/debates regarding the supposed homoerotic undertones present in that particular entry into the series. This discussion was very entertaining to watch, and there's even a moment in the extras where Mark recreates a couple of moments from his infamous bedroom dance. Hat, hips, pelvic thrusts and all!

The cast and crew discuss all aspects of making a NOES film, including successes and failures, on and off set mishaps, time and budgetary constraints (which plagued the series, thanks to Bob Shaye and New Line), and all sorts of other things, including some fairly candid mentions of on and off set tensions, especially, but not limited to, those between Bob Shaye and Wes Craven. Craven discusses his distaste for much of the sequels (especially part 2), his reluctance to include the Marge/car scene at the end of the original ANOES (Bob Shaye pushed for it) and more. There are tons of details to take in. We learn that there were several scripts written Freddy's Dead, including one by two guys, one of whom was Peter Jackson (which I myself did not know)!

We hear Robert Englund express his distaste for much of ANOES 2, talk of cast and crew falling in love with eachother on set (much of this is centered on Patricia Arquette), descriptions (and video footage) of onset accidents, battles with the MPAA (including footage of unedited vs edited scenes), Wes Craven losing the rights to the characters he created (and losing out on a ton of money), and we even learn that two of the Nightmare sequels were actually filmed without completed scripts. It got so bad that, due to pressure put on them by New Line, they were literally writing scenes and filming them on the same day, and this actually went up to 2 weeks prior to release for one of the films. And so on.

There's a LOT of information and footage to digest here. There is even a touching few moments where a choked up Bob Shaye reflects both on New Line and what the Nightmare films did for both him and his company, and the events leading up to New Line being merged into Time Warner, its parent company, and Shaye's eventual, well, ousting from the company that he built over the course of 40 years. I actually felt bad for the guy, I was very touched by this.

In fact, I was so touched that, as a huge Nightmare fan, at the end of four hours of seeing people I grew up watching reflect back on films I loved, and literally grew up with, followed by Bob Shaye looking back on all this, filled with emotion, I was surprised to find myself actually momentarily tearing up in one eye (the right one lol). I'm not one to give much concern for actors and such, I don't care for attaining autographs and I have no idols, but I really discovered how much the Nightmare on Elm Street series actually means to me, and even though I was cognizant of this fact all my life, the depths of this attachment really surprised me. I really, really love that damn series of films, and this documentary was both a fantastic look back, and, as much as this pains me to say this, and (remake or no remake) a sad goodbye.

In addition to the main feature, there is a hefty assortment of extras to enjoy. These special features do not feel like discarded material thrown in to buttress the size of the package (for those of you who keep snickering at my continued use of the word package, read on, as I have a tidbit for you relating to ANOES 2: Freddy's Revenge that will likely interest you) but actually constitute a few hours of excellent material.

The extras include over an hour of extended interviews (with a bunch of interesting asides and anecdotes that did not make it into the already insanely lengthy main feature, such as cast and crew expressing doubts regarding the ANOES remake), a NOES locations piece, which takes you on a journey to various iconic locations used in the first film, a 7 minute or so sneak peek at Heather Langenkamp's upcoming documentary entitled 'I am Nancy,' features on ANOES comics and books, the music, the fans, and much more.

In all, there are 8 hours of content in total spanning two discs. That's right, 480 minutes of A Nightmare on Elm Street material on two glorious DVD's. This package, topped off with some excellent artwork, is available for $29.99 (US), and, if you order from the official site you get an included 12" x 18" poster, which, if you order by June 1st, will be personally signed by Heather Langenkamp. You also receive free shipping. If you want the DVD sans poster and free shipping, it is available on amazon.com for 17.49.

This truly is an excellent documentary for both casual Nightmare fans and Nightmare aficionados, as even the diest of die hard fans, who have scoured the earth for information related to the series for the last 26 years, will still hear and/or see many things in this that they previously had not known.

This is the absolute best horror documentary I have ever seen, and frankly, I would be inclined to hazard a guess that it is the best horror documentary ever made, period. In fact, I don't think it too presumptuous to state right now that this amazing horror documentary might never be bested. Ever. Incredibly easy recommendation for Nightmare fans, and quite likely even worth a look for horror fans in general who might not be into the Nightmare series. This documentary might even change their mind. It's just brilliant. Truly.

Overall Score: 10/10. 

BUY NOW:

How to Backup your Blogger Blog Template in 5 Easy Steps

Note: HERE'S a tutorial on how to quickly and easily backup your entire blogger blog in 5 easy steps!

Want to backup your blogger blog's template? Excellent idea. You never want to encounter a situation where you lose your template, let's say in the course of making changes to it, and you make irrevocable edits and find yourself stuck with a broekn blog template. I'll show you how to backup your template in 5 easy steps.

1) Sign in to Blogger.com. Once there, click layout.

Note: The following pics can be clicked to zoom in for much easier viewing. You may find them a bit small at default.

2) Click the edit HTML button in the middle top (between fonts and colors and pick new template).

 3) Click download full template

4) Click save when prompted.

5) Save to your computer. I suggest creating a seperate folder for this and other blog files (I use one called Blogspot blog) and save it to there. The format will be in XML (.xml file) which can be read by the blogger software.

Once saved, you can access the file at any time to re-upload if your template happens to get lost. Good luck, and I hope enjoy your simple and easy template backup experience!

Easiest, Fastest Way to Backup Blogger Blog

Note: HERE'S a tutorial on how to easily and quickly backup your blogger template.

Want to backup your blogger blog? Excellent idea. You never want to encounter a message informing you that your blog is lost. I'll show you how to do do it in 5 easy steps.

1) Sign in to Blogger.com. Once there, click settings.

Note: The following pics can be clicked to zoom in for much easier viewing. You may find them a bit small at default.

2) You will see the options for import, export an delete blog. Click export.

3) Click download blog.

Note: These next two steps are pretty self explanatory, but I will include them for anyone who may be newish to computing. Please do not take the inclusion of these two steps as an insult or condescension. Most users will be able to simply skip them :)

4) Click save.

5) Save to your computer. I suggest creating a seperate folder for this and other blog files (I use one called Blogspot blog) and save it to there. The format will be in XML (.xml file) which can be read by the blogger software.

Once saved, you can access the file at any time to re-upload if your blog files happen to be lost, and you can also use this file to import to another blog, say if you're moving to wordpress or creating a secondary backup blogger blog. This makes transfering your blog or re-uploading it as easy as a few mouse clicks. All you'd have to do at that point would be to select import blog (see step 2) and away you go.

Good luck, and I hope enjoy your simple and easy backup experience. I wish I had found this option a lot sooner, as I ended up playing around with a few different 3rd party programs which were making offline copies of my blog, but not giving me one simple file which contained all of my blo content, which is all I wanted from the get go, not some website index (which is nice, don't get me wrong, and I have kept it for possible future use). If you happen to be interested in this process, I was most successful with HTTrack which is free and not necessarily convoluted, but not nearly as easy as this method which I just recently employed.

Either way, bon fortuna! (not sure what language that is lol).

Twenty Five New (Religious) Commandments. Like a New Ten Commandments, But Better! ) UPDATED)

UPDATE: Video released, see HERE if you so desire.

As I stated in a previous, related blog, The Lost Commandment? I was working on a new set of religious commandments. Basically, some rules/laws/commandments that I felt would be much more appropriate, if we are to assume we need them at all. I had come up with 5 in a matter of well, seconds, perhaps one minute, when I was hit by a thought and changed the idea of the blog from several new religious commandments to one supposedly lost one, which I stated that I hoped did exist and we'd one day locate (not really believing this, of course).

Well, I said at the end of that blog that I was going to finish off that initial list (it had been 5 in number that that time) and so, without further adieu (?) here are my list of ideal religious commandments, which, as I said in that blog, are of course modeled after (but not specifically aimed at...per se) the Ten Commandments (capitals for emphasis!)

These are in no particular order. A few of these are done in jest. It's good to joke around once in a while :) Also, assume these are in addition to those few useful religious commandments.

Psht, we can top that.

Thou shalt not discriminate against anyone based upon their sexual orientation, race, age, etc.

Thou shalt not work towards limiting the happiness of those whose actions you disagree with, if those actions are not harmful to others.

Thou shalt treat others as you wish to be treated, unless thoust art a masochist. If so, see the next command.

Thou shalt not treat others as you wish to be treated, if thoust art a masochist. Do the opposite.

Thou shalt not abuse neglect, or otherwise treat poorly non human animals. Do not adopt a pet if you cannot and will not provide a loving, stable, fulfilling environment for them.

Thou shalt not have numerous amounts of children for whom thoust cannot provide, financially, emotionally, or otherwise.

Thou shalt not neglect to consider societal and environmental impacts when contemplating having children.

Thou shalt not knowingly exploit others for financial or other gains.

Thou shalt enter into a marriage purely for monetary or other reasons not involving love if you so desire, but be honest about it. Nobody believes that you married a rich 89 year old for love, if you're a gorgeous 25 year old.

Thou shalt be intellectually honest in all of your intellectual endeavors, no matter how uncomfortable this maybe make you.

Thou shalt seek to question and challenge thy beliefs, including those theistic in nature.

Thou shalt not act contrary to these or any other moral or ethical teachings in the name of business.

Thou shalt not solicit those protected by the do not call list.

Thou shalt strive towards not teaching children known falsehoods, especially when the truth may lead to more beneficial outcomes, or lessened negative ones.

Thou shalt not murder another, with the exception of a self defense situation in which all other options are unfeasible.

Thou shalt not watch Fox News.

Thou shalt not seek to enforce your religious or cultural heritage upon others. Sharing it is welcomed, attempting to enforce it is not.

Thou shalt not proselytize to someone who has requested the cessation of such activities.

Thou shalt not use fear as a basis for said proselytization.

Thou shalt respect secularism as the only reasonable way to ensure as healthy a society as possible, unless every single member of said society belongs to the same religion and shares the exact same beliefs.

Thou shalt not deny your children medical care in favour of prayer or religious healing practices. Empirically validated treatments are the only recommended course of action for anyone, especially a dependant child.

Thou shalt watch The Young Turks, even if thoust doth not reside in the United States of America. 

Thou shalt not assume that this list is complete.

Thou shalt work towards effecting change in this very list, when both the means, and the societal imperative to do so, arise. If the state of societal health and individual liberty necessitates a change,

Thou shalt make that change!!!!

That's it for the new commandments, at least for now. If you have any of your own to add, please feel free to add some in the comment section. Also, feel free to criticize my choices. Keep in mind, this list was made up on the spot, and it is very liable to be revised (in fact, THAT'S ENCOURAGED!).

In all seriousness though, if you removed the ones done in jest, I'd say I'm on to something here, although I would certainly make some changes and some additions after some more thoughtful deliberation. And with the input of others, which can only serve to make this much stronger.

Pissed off Dude's Letter to the Canadian Government Re: Passport

Disclaimer: Somebody emailed this to me, and I thought I would post it, as it's pretty funny. I cannot speak to the veracity of this, however, and consequently, make no such claims to that end. As always, when it comes to shit like this, salt, grain, you get the idea.

That aside, enjoy!

Dear Mr. Minister,

I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.

How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have on my social insurance card, and it is on all the income tax forms I’ve filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver’s license, on the last eight goddamn passports I’ve had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I’ve had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother’s name is Maryanne, my father’s name is Robert and I’d be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!

SHIT!

I apologize, Mr. Minister. I’m really pissed off this morning. Between you an’ me, I’ve had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my fuckin’ address. What is going on? You have a gang of Neanderthals assholes workin’ there?

Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don’t want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I’d sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, ’cause I have to go to the other end of the city and get another fuckin’ copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60 !!!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??

Nooooo, that’d be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You’d rather have us running all over the fuckin’ place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some asshole to confirm that it’s really me on the goddamn picture – you know, the one where we’re not allowed to smile?!

(fuckin’ morons)

Hey, you know why we can’t smile? We’re totally pissed off!

Signed – An Irate fucking Canadian Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it’s me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 when one of my forefathers took up arms against the Americans. I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had security clearances up the yingyang.

I was aide de camp to the lieutenant governor of our province for ten years and I have been doing volunteer work for the RCMP for about five years.

However, I have to get someone ‘important’ to verify who I am – you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST fucking CHINA!!!

Hamilton, Ontario Canada

End of Letter
 
Well, that's it. I hover between real and fake as I read that, but the bit at the end does lend it a bit of an air of truth. Either way, it's pretty damn funny, and you can't help but feel that tinge of YA! as you read it. Striking back at 'The Man' in any small way, and really saying exactly what's on your mind for once.....that's all satisfying stuff, and I experience some vicarious joy thanks to this, especially now, as I am actually currently in the middle of the bullshit passport application stuff. I could be missing something here, but I don't see hwo a passport ensures any extra marginal safety. The requirements boil down to having:
 
1) A birth certificate.
 
2) A piece of I.D.
 
3) A photo.
 
4) A couple of aquaintances.
 
5) A friend.
 
Guess what? I have that shit with me when I'm travelling anyways. Instead of spending $87 plus $15 for photos (oh, and $9 for scanning my license at fucking Staples) and wasting a bunch of time, I could just show them my photo I.D., birth certificate, and have my friend vouch for me right at the border. And if you think that a terrorist couldn't produce such things, you're living in a dream world.
 
Unless I am missing something, and I might be (someone let me know), all that the passport business does is inconvenience Joe Average and bring in some extra revenue for the Federal Government. I don't think this provides much of a barrier for the 'bad guys' to get through. Yet another false sense of security, nonsensical overreactionand a money grab. At least, from my admittedly layman's pov.

Magazine writer fired after dustup with Rockstar PR and Capcom Milking Street Fighter IV even MORE!

Magazine writer fired after dustup with Rockstar PR

Leaked email details Rockstar's extreme sensitivity to negative coverage

http://www.gamesradar.com/pc/grand-theft-auto-iv/news/magazine-writer-fired-after-dustup-with-rockstar-pr/a-20100407113454149016/g-2008080416222952067

So, Rockstar is pressuring writers to be very positive, even if they feel otherwise? They are trying to tell the journalists what and how to write?

According to a news.com.au story, a deputy editor for Austrailian publication Zoo Weekly has been fired after publishing an allegedly internal email from Rockstar regarding Zoo's coverage of the upcoming Red Dead Redemption. The alleged email from Rockstar, which former deputy entertainment editor Toby McCasker posted on his Facebook, contained the following:


This is the biggest game we've done since GTA IV, and is already receiving Game of the Year 2010 nominations from specialists all around the world, it read.


Can you please ensure Toby's article reflects this — he needs to respect the huge achievement he's writing about here.

What's the implication here? What are they saying, if you read between the lines? You better play ball, if you know what's good for you.

If Red Dead Redemption is so damn good, why do they need to do this? Are they lying about how good Red Dead Redemption really is?

I think so.

And what's with GOTY nominations already?

What the fuck really goes on behind the scenes in this industry?

Another thing:

Super Street Fighter IV, which already doesn't need to exist, apparently isn't enough milking for Capcom, as there is DLC for the game. Really? Like people buying your game twice isn't enough? You can't at least be somewhat decent and make sure that the gamers whom you have already manipulated and taken advatntage of at least get everything there is to offer from your now $110 game? You still have to sell them more shit?

We've got this shit, DLC releases on day one, DLC being announced well before a game ships, different pre-order bonuses for different stores, further fragmenting a game, Ubisoft holding back 2 levels from Assassin's Creed 2 for sale as DLC, Capcom removing content from Dead Rising 2 to repackage as a prequel (if you believe that they are legitimately developing this content and selling it separately you are a sucker, I'm sorry), and Capcom (again) selling fucking costumes for SFIV at a couple of bucks a pop, which, while already ridiculous, is made 100 times worse when you realize that these costumes were already developed, as they were in the arcade version of the game.

I don't like where this industry is headed.

I could go go on and on and on and on. In fact, I will! In another blog.

Ohhhhhh.

I promise it will be worth the wait. I will do a well thought out list of things that I feel are wrong with gaming. It won't be an off the cuff blog like this, so it will be of a higher quality.

Promise.

If I Was God....

Note: This one is pretty much directly aimed at this Yaweh character (and his followers)

Note 2: There is a video on this very subject located at the bottom of this post.

If I was god......

If I was god, I'd have done things a bit differently. Here's a list of some of the things I would do. Of course, this is not an exhaustive list. It's just to exemplify the type of things I'd be doing.

I'd make inanimate, non sentient meat grow on trees. so no species have to endure being eaten alive to provide sustenance for something else.

I'd make it so that the life I created is suitably built to withstand the environment I put them in. And if I did not (although I cannot foresee a reason why), I'd at least give them stuff to meet the environmental demands. I mean, what? The dude couldn't throw us a winter jacket? Do you send your kids out into the cold without a jacket? Make them hunt dangerous animals to make their own until they become smart enough to make coats in factories?

I'd design a world that doesn't have natural disasters, ever.

I would never have created things like cancer, polio, multiple sclerosis, arthritis, crohn's and ulcerative Colitis (things with which I am intimately familiar), ulcers, huntington's, asthma, angina, stroke, bursitis (have this as well), parkinson's, muscular dystrophy, fibromyalgia (yes it's real), narcolepsy, depression, bipolar disorder, social anxiety disorder, birth defects like craniosynostosis (which I had) and probably one of the most horrible ones in existence, anencephaly (babies born without all or most of their brain, skull and scalp), which is pictured here:

(what the hell kind of perfect god allows THAT sort of shit to exist?)

I'd switch out pain for something else that warns you of danger but doesn't make you suffer. Or I'd make it so that pain shut off when it was no longer needed. Burn victims do not need to suffer for months on end. They are well aware of their injury and what not to do. Why do they need to suffer so?

I'd create people who adhere to the golden rule. Of course, this wouldn't apply to masochists. Actually that reminds me....

No masochists. And no sociopaths or psychopaths. Human brains wouldn't be such fickle things if they were of my creation. Yes, people would have freedom to develop as they will, but I would set some basic fucking parameters.

I wouldn't give two shits for what consenting adults do with their bodies.

I would not give people pervasive desires and then make it a no no to act on them.

I wouldn't expect to be worshipped. If I deserve it, respect me. Even love me, if you wish. No worship please. Maybe a few hugs from some pretty ladies, but that's it.

I wouldn't sit idly by and watch my children destroy one another and the environment I gave them to live in. We don't allow human parents to act in this manner, and I wouldn't expect you to allow me to do so either. Not that I would. A parent should guide their children and help them along the path of life, not remain hidden and silent with the only message being ''read my book.''

And, lastly, if I ever did get angry (a curiously human attribute), I wouldn't act out in a childlike way and throw tantrums involving hurricanes and earthquakes. I'd calm down and then approach my creation in a constructive manner, and broach the subject that ailed me. At most, I might raise my voice a few times a millenia. And for that I do apologize.

NOTE TO "GOD":

And if this stuff was caused by the so called fall of man, as you and your followers often say, well, you know what buddy? Perhaps you need to do what women have done for centuries: Lower your expectations. We didn't live up to your vision for us? Your creation failed you? Well, ignoring the fact that you are supposedly omniscient and would have seen this coming, you should lower your damn expectations and reduce your requirements. Lowering your standards makes a lot more sense than creating loopholes that include blood sacrifices, does it not? Especially given the fact that your loophole shenanigans still failed.

Sorry folks, but I think I would make a better god than this supposed god character. And no, I don't view myself as some sort of deity, demigod, or anything other than a fallible human being.

AutoSave Saved Over Your Work? Recover Data Lost By Blogger AutoSave

The fact that Blogger autosaves your draft on a supremely regular schedule is incredibly reassuring. However, it's also a potential disaster waiting to happen, as I recently discovered. I accidentally deleted a huge chunk of my draft, and then watched in horror as the autosaver did its thing, thereby cementing my newfound problem, losing my work forever in the annals of internet ghostdom. You see, there's no way to revert to a previous draft (why, I do not know, but I assume this will be added in at some future date). Nor is there a way to decrease the autosave frequency from obsessive-compulsive to anything ranging from still too often but at least somewhat more reasonable to every five or ten minutes.

And so, one wonders if it is possible to disable the autosave. Well, unless some computing genius discovers some seemingly unintuitive workaround, the answer, for now, is no. So, no draft recovery, no decreasing the autosave frequency to something less....manic, and no disabling the damn thing altogether. Once you get in a relationship with the blogger autosave feature, you're not getting out. Funny thing is though, I don't recall taking any oath.

So what is a blogger to do?

Well, I have a solution for you. Unfortunately, I did not possess this knowledge at the time of my great loss. Which really sucked, as I lost some pretty damn salient points, and my ad hoc replacements for them were.....not as fulfilling or poignant.

Anyways, enough of my troubles. Let's get on with the damn solution already, shall we? Well, fear not, humble reader. Here it is:

Ctrl + Z.

Yes, that's it. Ctrl + Z is an all purpose Undo command, which works in quite a wide range of programs. I thought to give it a try a few minutes ago, after purposely deleting some text and then pondering my unfortunate recent loss of (salient) points. I was considering how easy it was to delete things, and lamenting the fact that it was impossible to undo such a disastrous event (I'm not over dramatic in the least, I know) when it dawned on me. UNDO!!! That's it!

Try the Undo command! And I did, and the rest is history. Well, of sorts.....kind of.....? Okay, fine, the rest is.....a blip on the pimple of history. Better? 

Anyways,  the idea behind the undo command is that you undo any recent mistakes at the push of a but-well, two but-, er, keys. Say you type a sentence and then decide that you do not like it. Or you add a number to a figure and then realize you did so erroneously. Well, you could hit that undo button at the top of your program toolbar, or you could hit Ctrl+ Z. The beauty of undo is that it works for any recently transpired event. Even deleting something. So, in some weird double negative faux pas je ne ce quais sort of way (what the hell did I just say?) you can undo a deletion. You're basically undoing your undo, or redoing your do. It's like a sneaky misuse of the undo command that can't get you in trouble with anyone, but probably won't get you a job or get you laid, either.

So, in a stroke of pure geniu-ah, okay, even I recognize that I'm going too far here.....in a stroke of ordinary but useful thought, I stumbled upon the idea of undoing your undo, and it worked!

I hope this is helpful to anyone who loses a part of (or their whole) blog. I know what that feels like, and it's not fun.

Bye, and happy blogging!

(and may you get more comments on your blog than I do on mine)

My Thoughts: A Nightmare on Elm Street Remake and The ANOES Series

NOTE: I don't get many comments on this blog, but I am going to come right out and request that anyone reading who has anything to add, either positive or negative, please, feel free to leave me a comment. You can choose anonymous if you so desire, I do not block anonymous comments on this blog. I put quite a lot of time and effort into this one, so any and all feedback would be greatly appreciated. Help me feel as though I can't hear the echo of my own voice in here for once :)

Alright, so, on to the Nightmare on Elm Street Series!


So, A Nightmare on Elm Street has been remade. Like many of the fans of the original series, I'm not entirely thrilled. I wasn't particularly thrilled when I heard about it, and then when I saw who was involved (and who was not) well.....let's get to that later. First, I want to talk about the series as a whole, and then I will get into the remake and my thoughts on it. Be prepared, this is a lengthy blog, but I think.....well....hope, that it will prove to be a pleasant read to anyone interested in the subject matter.

I LOVE the Nightmare on Elm Street Series. I love them all, from the suspense filled, serious in tone, scary original, to the silly and humour driven, campy (but somewhat stupid, granted) later iterations. And that's one of the great things about the series. It wasn't your typical slasher. The original, A Nightmare on Elm Street (ANOES for short) was great because it had a fantastic antagonist in Freddy Krueger, suspense, intrigue, an amazing musical score, some really great effects for the day (which were pulled off with a slim budget), a very unique concept, and, perhaps most importantly (maybe not most, but quite), the characters had depth and were very likeable, ensuring that you cared about the protagonists, which is very important if you want the murders in a slasher movie to be horrifying as opposed to entertaining.

When the teens died in the first Nightmare, I wasn't cheering (and still do not). In the typical slasher film, I, and almost everyone else watching, does just that. We can't wait for the bodies to start dropping, and we cheer it when it happens. We revel in it. The "villain" is the frigging good guy! But not in ANOES, oh no. When the teens die you're horrified. You don't want anything unfortunate to befall them. None of what was happening was their fault, and they weren't acting in ways that made you desire for them to be killed.

Now, the later sequels (especially 5 and 6) were really silly, and quite campy, but even then, they were not your typical slasher films. And why was that, you ask? Well, they still had the unique concept. The villain, while he started to become the hero after part 4 ( a typical slasher feature), was very unique in that he talked, and made jokes. His few, evil one liners early on turned into full on zany comedy later on (riding a skateboard, anyone?) which, while it changed the tone of the series, and made it very campy, still differentiated it from may other slasher movies/series in that the killers in those weren't cracking jokes. Also, again, the concept was really very unique. A demonic entity possessed human, killing teenagers in their dreams from beyond the grave? Does that sound like a typical slasher to you?

Didn't think so ;)

The series started out incredibly strong. And then Bob Shaye, the executive producer and genius (sarcasm) responsible for the stupid rule breaking ending of the original ANOES (Wes Craven fought him tooth and nail on that but ultimately lost.....the money prevailed I guess, since Shaye was the one who was coughing up and taking the chance on Craven and co.) got his mitts on the sequel (which by all accounts, Craven did NOT want to happen, and was ultimately not involved in) and delivered to us his ideas in the form of A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge.

This was a shitty (comparatively) sequel. It's probably my least favourite of the series (although A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child is also up there) because, while Freddy was an evil, sadistic, demonic, scary fuck in this one (even darker than in the original) there were some signs of things to come contained within, and there was also the problem of a shitty and annoying protagonist, and cast of characters, some really insipid scenes, and of course, the biggest problem of all: Mr. Bob Shaye, rule breaker, continued to break the rules! Big time. Now, all of a sudden, Freddy could operate outside of the dream world?

Huh? What the....? What the fuck?

What a damn travesty! He SHIT all over Craven's work. Now, despite all this, I still do like the film. For one, it's a Nightmare movie, and I love Nightmare movies. Freddy is beyond awesome, and that alone is enough to at least get me in front of the screen. And by the way, before I continue on, as an aside, I just want to say that

ROBERT ENGLUND IS FREDDY DAMN IT!!

Okay, I got that off my chest and now I feel a bit better.

Anyways, as I was saying, besides Freddy being in it, it did feature some great moments, some awesome lines from Freddy, and a really, dark, sinister iteration of Krueger is something we fans can all appreciate. One particularly memorable scene is when Freddy is standing outside after fucking up the pool party (during, I might add, absolutely no one's dream, Mr. Shaye, you moron) and he waves his arms over his head, in front of a light source, casting this brilliant shadow in the light, razor glove and all, as he says the chilling line

you are all my children now

(emphasis on all)

So awesome. Such a great visual, and I loved when they replicated this many years later in Wes Craven's New Nightmare.

So, what are my favourite entries in the Nightmare on Elm Street series?

A Nightmare on Elm Street , A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, and Wes Craven's New Nightmare.

Things were getting a bit silly by the time the A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: Dream Master rolled around, but it retained some aspects of the better ones, and I still enjoy it greatly. Some pretty ridiculous, but awesome scenes contained within this one. I won't spoil anything, but bench pressing, anyone?

As I said, I love them all, even Freddy's Dead: The Final (lol) Nightmare and A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, despite the fact that they sort of....suck. Seriously, that staircase scene near the end of A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child.......what the fuck. And again, like in Freddy's Revenge, they really fucked with the canon in that one. I mean, as the series went on, the rules were bent and changed seemingly at will, arbitrarily and for no reason, but 5 took it to a whole new level. Sure, they were in uncharted waters with the whole pregnancy thing, but it still didn't fit. They might objectively suck but I still love them. It's hard work, though :)

Actually, come to think of it, part six, Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare, doesn't suc- ah, ya, I guess it does, but I'm actually very partial to that one, compared to 2 and 5 (the other 2 iterations of the nightmare saga which are in my ya, they basically suck but I still like them camp). Freddy's Dead s really, really fun, and it's got some absolutely hilarious moments. One in particular that sticks out is Freddy toying with the deaf kid, removing his hearing aid, creeping around behind him making faces at him....lol. And then, he takes the hearing aid and....modifies it, turning improved hearing into improved hearing, which he then has some fun with, in typical late series Freddy fashion. Let's just say he puts a whole new spin on the phrase "like nails on a chalkboard."

To those of you reading this you have not done so, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors is one you have to see. I suggest, if you have not seen it, watching the original A Nightmare on Elm Street before you do. Heather Langenkamp, who played Nancy in part one, returns, and the moment when Freddy and Nancy encounter eachother for the first time since the events in A Nightmare on Elm Street is AWESOME, and Freddy's in an.....interesting form. I won't say what, but he does some very interesting things to himself in that one. I highly suggest watching it. Not only for those reasons of course.

Again, like the original A Nightmare on Elm Street, this movie had a great cast of teenagers. The movie took place in a mental health facility, full of teenagers with sleeping and psychiatric (supposedly) disorders. Of course, we know what's really going on, and we watch it wondering if the kids will die before any incompetent adult figures out that they aren't delusional and they aren't making up this burned man with a razor filled glove on his hand stalking them in their sleep.

*whew* Try saying that five times fast!

Anyways.......

Of course, many of the teenagers aren't very fortunate, and they meet an early demise at the hand of this burned dream demon.

This sequel introduces a few new concepts while sticking to the rules established in the first, the return of (an older) Nancy is very much appreciated, and you once again sympathize with the kids trying to reach the adults around them as they endure being stalked by some dream stalking psychopath who's slowly killing their peers in horribly gruesome ways. Now, this sequel did have Freddy getting a bit more liberal with the jokes, and the silliness started to show, but the balance was still reasonable between the serious tone/horror
and the humour, and the humour was steeped in that horror as opposed to at the expense of it, as it was in later sequels.

Oh, to quickly speak to one of the things I mentioned earlier, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 introduced some new concepts, one of them being Freddy's ability to take on entirely new forms. They had played with the notion of him altering his form in the previous movies, but not like this. He does some pretty awesome and interesting this in this one, really showcasing the power afforded him by the fact that he exists only in dreams.

My second favourite entry into the A Nightmare on Elm Street series is Wes Craven's New Nightmare....what a movie. If there was one way to perfectly describe the reaction/reception this movie received, at least as I see it, it would be Loved by a few, hated by a few, misunderstood by most.

I personally LOVE it. Wes Craven's New Nightmare and the original A Nightmare on Elm Street are the two best in the series in my opinion. Speaking of Wes Craven, Wes Craven's New Nightmare was a risky move for Craven. I don't want to say much about this one, as it needs to be seen, and I feel the less one knows going in the better. I will say that the originality I spoke of boils down to the fact that it's a movie within a movie. This meta-movie idea (a meta-movie, or a metafilm), is a film which is a metaphor for the production of said film. Essentially, the events of the film are the events of the film within the film actually happening).

This was off putting to many but I personally thought it to be brilliant and very fitting. Basically, to surmise it really quickly, in the movie, Freddy Krueger is a movie icon, and fans are clamouring for more. Wes Craven is secretly writing a new Nightmare script, spurred on by some nightmares that he has been having. As he writes, ominous things start happening in real life, mostly centred on Heather Langenkamp, the actress who portrayed Nancy Thompson in the first and third Nightmare on Elm Street films.

In his script, he writes that evil, if it is captured in art, can be defeated, but if it is not captured in art, is is free to accumulate power in the real world. Freddy was kept out of the real world by being written about in films, but now, with no fiction binding the evil behind Krueger to that world, is roaming free and trying desperately to gain entrance into the real world. As time passes, and the writing continues, this malevolent force grows stronger, and tries to get in by gaining access through the gatekeeper, who it believes to be Heather, since he believes she gave Nancy her power, the power she used to defeat Freddy. And so, there is a struggle between Heather Langenkamp and the evil force behind the fictional villain Freddy Krueger, as he battles to enter her realm, and she must decide if she has the courage to enter his, and defeat him, once and for all.

The blending of the worlds is just fantastic. It starts to happen so seamlessly that Heather finds herself, unbeknownst to herself, becoming Nancy Thompson, and the people around her, who played in the Nightmare films, are becoming the characters they portrayed. And in this film, Freddy is the ultimate depiction of what Craven envisioned. Dark, menacing, evil. Freddy is pure fucking evil in this one. He's probably the scariest he's ever been, and he's certainly the meanest. His look has changed. His glove is now organic, indicative of the transition and blending taking place. He wears a black trenchcoat, his face has changed somewhat, and his voice, while basically the same, has taken on even more menace. And this time, he's not limited to teenage victims....

The movie is very suspenseful, very well crafted, and very entertaining. There are a myriad of great scenes within. It's somewhat plagued by problems of consistency though, as the concept, I'm sure my readers can surmise, does lend itself to some vagueries and opportunities for inconsistency, and you do get some of that. There are a few things within that will make you wonder aren't they breaking their own rules? even though the rules aren't necessarily crystal clear to anyone, including those in the film. Come to think of it, perhaps that's the point. Or maybe I'm just being too forgiving now. Either way, it's amazing, and it's a fantastic end to the series. Brings it right back to the quality for the first, and justifies its existence both in that fact, and in the fact that it's definitely not a rehash.

Of course, however, as we all know, Wes Craven's New Nightmare, the fantastic and fitting end to a great series, did not end up being the end at all. As is the case with horror movies, especially slasher films, they just keep going and going and going......Just like a certain drum beating bunny.....

It keeps going and going and going......

Years later, we got Freddy vs Jason. And now, we have the dreaded REMAKE. Duhn duhn duhn...

And now, My Thoughts on the A Nightmare on Elm Street Remake.

I grew up with ANOES. When I heard about this remake I did what all nostalgia fuelled fans do: I decried it.

Then when I realized who was involved, I felt completely justified in my feelings. These guys churn out drivel, and drivel is what this remake is based upon the large number of reviews and tons of viewer feedback that I have read online (and also inference based upon previous works of theirs and the current state of American horror).

Here are my issues with this remake (although, keep in mind, I have not yet seen it):

1) Freddy's look. I know that's more realistic, but he lost the demonic look that I loved. However, I am willing to admit a part of this is likely nostalgia.

Ugh.......

2) HIS VOICE!! Freddy sounded demonic. Now he sounds like a breathless Rocky Balboa. Not scary in the least and this alone is a huge dealbreaker for me.

3) Based upon several reviews and viewer feedback it seems as though the ''scares'' were pretty much the loud BAM sound followed by a sudden appearance of Freddy. I HATE  the overuse of jump scares. It's cheap, cheesy, manipulative and indicative of the fact that these guys are creatively bankrupt and don't understand shit about horror or what Craven did with ANOES.

4) I read that the nightmare scenes are always telegraphed via musical and aesthetic changes. Part of what I loved with the original series is you often weren't immediately aware that you were in 'dream world' if you will. There were some surprises. Some.....unknown. Some...suspense.

5) The footage I have seen features a very wooden Nancy. Langenkamp might not win any awards but at least she had expression and depth.

6) The people involved do it solely for money, and they are hacks. They didn't even care to try and involve any of the original people. No Craven, no Saxon, no Lagenkamp and no Englund.

Now, this is a 'reboot' so this makes some sense. Well, Englund could have played Krueger but the rest make sense. Except for one: Craven. They didn't bother to get input from the one man who truly understood Krueger, and the one man who had vision. Idiots.

7) I don't want to support this remake bullshit. They fucked up FF13, they destroyed Halloween, the are fucking up Krueger (although I can't fully say this until I see it, which of course I'll end up doing at some point, let's be real, but hopefully for free after my brother buys the DVD) and they have completely destroyed so many others. Black Christmas, Prom Night, Psycho (not that I'm a huge fan of the original), Dawn of the Dead, etc etc etc

8) WHERE THE FUCK IS THE ORIGINAL SCORE?? It's the best damn horror score EVER.

9) CGI. Jesus. The clip of Freddy coming out the wall looks so fucking fake now, whereas the budget shot with no CGI still looks better today.

10) They all know what's going on way too early, and they come to know it way too easily. The original had a slow, suspenseful buildup where Nancy and co. tried to piece together what was happening.

Maybe I'll end up liking it, but I doubt it. The guys behind the project just don't see horror the way I do, and I don't think I'll enjoy what they did to ANOES.

Still, I admit I may be wrong. There's .000003% chance of it :)

And of course, some nostalgia is involved. I freely admit that.

So, as it stands, I don't expect to like this one. I don't anticipate feeling any real emotion while watching it. Like most modern horror, I figure it will be like going through a fast food drive thru. I'll get something that resembles the thing I am looking for, it will go down easy, and it will be forgotten almost instantly......well, it will be forgottent, but it will leave me a nice goign away present, namely, heartburn and digestive issues.

So, ya, as of now, the Platium Dunes assholes can take their overprocessed, unemotive, wooden mass produced, money grab, b.s. 'film' and shove it up their asses. Assuming of course it will fit in there, since we all know there's a lot of shit up their ass to begin with. Namely, the hopes, dreams, and childhoods of 1980's horror fans. Poeple like me, good, honest, hard working, god feari-well, okay, good, honest, hard working people, just trying to get by in life, and hoping to be entertained here and there on the way through this roller coaster of a life. They farted out my childhood when they made this movie, and now it stinks. It stinks to high heav- well, it stinks to high something. It stinks of hollywood, coporatized, assembly line horsehsit that passes for horror these days. They seem to average $1, 400 000 per shitty jump scare, and I am sure they made about $35, 000, 000 thus far off of this travesty. This affront to 1980's, plaid wearing, big haired, MC Hammer liking sensibilities.

Note to Platinum Dunes: I want my fucking childhood back, you assholes. I don't recall putting it on the market, so I have no idea how you fuckers bought and sold it, but I want it back. Now, give it back, or I'll......I'll......kil- no, no, that's not it......I'll, I'll, beat- no, no, that's not it either.....I'll I'll.....su-no, no that's not it.....Ah, Hell. I'll keep blogging about you!!! And you don't want that, trust me. I have a HUGE audience and immeasurable influence. I can get people to boycott your ass, and let me tell you, you'd lose at least $23.00. You want to test me? You want to test me motherfuckers? Go ahead, oif you think it's worth $23.00, go right the fuck ahead, you childhood stompin fart brains.

OH GREAT!! I have just been informed, as I write this, that Paltinum Dune already have 2 MORE NOES movies in the works. Jesus H Christ on a stick, talk about milking.

They took a series that has already been milked to the point of well.....no more milk...ness? I don't know. Point of being barren. Milk dry? Milkless? YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!!!!!!!

RAWR!!!

Anyways, the took this already milked series, and decided, "Hey!! Let's redo it all! Let's milk it some more! And we'll do it with less talent, worse leads, and a shitty sounding Freddy! Awesome, we're going to make sooooooo much money! High fives all around!!!"

*sounds of childhoods being shat out, crapped on, farted on, and farted out*

/Cut to scene of magx01 crying in a corner, rhythmically chanting "It's not real, it's not real."

Ha, interesting little aside here. Those last few words called to mind (with no effort on my part) a line from Stephen King's IT (the miniseries, based on the tremendously awesome novel). The line is:

"You're not real!!! You're not real!!!"  

It's delivered by the actress playing Beverly Marsh, and it's delivered in a very convincing voice, fraught with several emotions at once; a woman on the edge, desperately trying to keep it together while she tries to grasp the enormity of the situation in which she finds herself after thrusting herself blindly back into her past, at the whim of a childhood friend whom she hadn't heard from in 28 years.

I heard that line in my head as I typed that line, and I heard it exactly as it's delivered in the movie. And upon recalling the line, I felt a small, but real chill. A momentary shudder, as I recalled the situation this woman found herself in, and the terror I felt as a ten year old boy watching this unfold on my tv (thanks mom, and ABC, primetime tv. As Freddy would say, "Welcome to prime time, bitch!"

Why mention this? Well, simple. This demomstrates the power of film. Sure, horror movies aren't high art, but they do have the fantastic capability to really resonate with you. To burrow into the psyche and lay dormant for years, only to spring forth at opportune moments and elicit the same fear they did when you first experienced them. People say the boogeyman isn't real, but I say he is, in the form of the latent emotion, leftover in my subconscious a result of watching a shitload of horror movies as I grew up. And that, friends, is the power of horror.

And do you know what scenes result in this occurrence? The psychologically weighty ones. Not the stupid LOUD NOISES BOO!!!! nonsense. Too bad Platinum Douche doesnt understand that.

Thanks for fucking up my childhood, assholes.

Last little note: To those who will read this and find themselves wondering how one can be so certain about a movie which one has not even seen, well friends, I fully acknowledge that I may be blogging a nice apology to Platinum Dunes and you, the reader, sometime soon. However, in the interest in full disclosure, I can honestly say, with as little hubris as possible, that, in all my experience, I'm more often right when it comes to preconceived notions on films. That does not mean I am right this time, and I am not saying I am ever wrong, I'm not. I've been wrong many times, some of them for really notable films. I went into the Dark Knight thinking it would suck. WRONG. I went into Iron Man expecting to hate it, and ended up liking it. NOT loving it, but liking it. I went into Spiderman thinking it would suck. Liked it. I went into X-Men thinking it would be shit. Loved it. (Hated origins though. Ugh). I thought I would hate The Matrix. Wow, wrong.

That all being said, I honestly am more often right. I'm usually pretty good with making predictions about my feelings on a movie after just viewing trailers. However, in this case, I have done a LOT more than that, and I have been a horror fan for more than 20 years. I know what I like, I know my dislikes, and I know what I hate in horror. And based on the things I have seen, heard and read, the chances of me hating this movie are high. Almost as high as I'd have to be to love it :)

Thanks for reading!!! I hope you enjoyed it, I enjoyed writing it. And as I said in the beginning, please feel free to comment. This blog took quite a while, and so any feedback would help me feel like I am not totally wasting my time here :)